Jim Butcher

“We start by sinking a barge," I decided. Then I blinked and looked at the Erlking. "Can we sink a barge?"The shadow-masked Erlking tilted his head slightly to one side, his burning eyes narrowed. "Wizard, please.”

“The water near me stirred and then a Sharkface rose up out of it as if on an elevator, slow, his mouth tilted up into a small smile. He stood there on the water perhaps five feet away from me. His eyeless face looked smug."Warden," he said."Asshat," I replied.”

“There was a roar from the shadow-tiger mask around the Harley, and Murphy swept up alongside the boat. I leapt down onto the back of the bike in a single smooth motion, which I felt was cool, and landed with too much of my weight on my genitals, which I felt was not.”

“Come on," I said to Karrin. "Head for the other boat.""Should we?" she asked. "That Erlking guy seems a little..do-it-yourselfy.”

“The words first. Damned near everything begins with words."I am," I breathed, and suddenly the ice was clear of my mouth."I am Harry..." I panted, and the pain redoubled.And I laughed. As if some freak who never loved enough to know loss could tell me about pain.”

“I leaned into Karrin a little and said, next to her ear, "You ready for this?""Only a lunatic is ready for this," she said. I could hear her smile as she spoke. Then she turned her head and, before I could react, planted a kiss right on my mouth.I almost fell off the Harley.She drew her head back, flashed me a wicked little smile, and said, "For luck. Star Wars-style.""You are so hot right now," I told her.”

“Okay," I said to Karrin. "Let's move.""Uh," she asked, without turning her head. "move where?""The island," I said."Harry, this is a motorcycle.""It'll work," I said. "Look at it."Karrin jerked as she noted the appearance of the Harley. "You want me to drive into the lake.""You have to admit," I said, "it isn't the craziest thing I've ever asked you to do. It isn't even the craziest thing I've asked you to do tonight.”

“There was a low growling sound and the Munstermobile came gliding up out of the parking garage, dripping water from its gleaming surface like some lantern-eyed leviathan rising from the depths. There were still a few dents and dings in it, but the broken glass had all been replaced, and the engine sounded fine.Okay, I'm not like a car fanatic or anything - but the guitar riff from "Bad to the Bone" started playing in my head.”

“I flicked a comb through my wet hair, for all the good it would do, and said, "How do I look?""Mostly human," she said."That's what I was going for.”

“Lacuna peered at my shirt. "Aer-O-Smith. Arrowsmith. Does the shirt belong to your weapon dealer?""No.""Then why do you wear the shirt of someone else's weapon dealer?”

“Just then, Toot buzzed back into the apartment from somewhere. He zipped in frantic, dizzying circles, starting at the point he'd last seen Lacuna, until his spiral search pattern took him to the kitchen. Then he swooped down to Lacuna, landing neatly on the counter.I peered at the two little faeries. Toot held out to Lacuna a wrapped watermelon Jolly Ranger, as if he were offering frankincense and myrrh to the Christ child. "Hi!" he said brightly. "I'm Major General Toot-toot!"Lacuna looked up from her food and saw Toot's gift. Her eyes narrowed. And then she sucker punched Toot-toot right in the face.My little bodyguard flew back a couple of feet and landed on his ass. Both of his hands went up to his nose, and he blinked in startled bewilderment.Toot had dropped the Jolly Rancher. Lacuna calmly kicked it into the disposal drain of the kitchen sink. Then she turned her back on Toot, ignoring him completely, and went back to eating her meal.Toot's eyes were even wider as he started at Lacuna. "Wow!" he said.”

“Someone is out there," I said. "Someone who has been manipulating the events. Playing puppet master, stirring the pot, stacking the deck - ""Mixing metaphors?" Thomas suggested.”

“Butters blinked at looked at Thomas. "My God," he said. "You've been shot."Thomas hooked a thumb at Butters. "Check out Dr. Marcus Welby, MD, here.""I'd have gone with Doogie Howser, maybe," I said."Split the difference at McCoy?" Thomas asked."Perfect.”

“Not sure. Using it is trickier than most people think," I said. "You've got to keep it from drying out, and you've got to get it undiluted. It was raining, so if someone wanted my blood, they'd have had to get to it pretty quick - and it looked like Sith was keeping them busy.""Sith?" Butters asked."Not what you're thinking," I said."Oh," he said, clearly disappointed.”

“I glanced up at Thomas. "We've still got Hook, right?""He's being held prisoner on a ceramic-lined cookie sheet in the oven," Thomas said. "I figured he couldn't jigger his way out of a bunch of steel, and it would give him something to think about before we start asking questions.""That's an awful thing to do to one of the Little Folk, man," I said."I'm planning to start making a pie in front of him.""Nice.""Thank you.”

“And they have a problem with Dresden, I take it?" Murphy asked."Wanna kill him or something. I don't know," Thomas said, nodding. "They tried it on Jet Skis earlier today.""Roger Moore Bond villains?" Murphy asked, her tone derisive. "Seriously?""Be silent, mortal cow," snarled one of the Sidhe. Murphy tracked her eyes calmly over to that one, and she nodded once, as if memorizing something. "Yeah, okay. You.”

“Hell's bells," I snarled, taking an involuntary step back. "Right here? Now? You could have given me a couple of minutes to get clear, dammit.""And what fun would that be?" Maeve asked, pushing out her lower lip in a pout. "I am who I am, too. I love violence. I love treachery. I love your pain - and the best part, the part I love most, is that I am doing it for your own good." Her eyes gleamed white all the way around her irises. "This is me being one of the good guys.”

“I nodded to her. Then I eyed Maeve. "What about you? Holding anything back?""I want to take you to my bower, wizard," Maeve said, and licked her lips. "I want to do things to you that give you such pleasure your brain bleeds.""Uh," I said.Her foxlike smile sharpened. "Also," she said, "my people are about to attempt to kill you.”

“Mab had the kind of power you had to describe using exponents.”

“Okay," I said. "I'm going to do something I know you both hate. I'm going to get direct. And I'm going to get direct answers from you, answers that convince me that you aren't trying to hide anything from me and aren't trying to mislead me. I know you both have to speak the truth. So give me simple, declarative answers, or I assume you're scheming and walk away right now."That made Lily press her lips together and fold her arms. Her gaze turned reproachful. Maeve rolled her eyes, casually gave me the finger, and said, "Wizards are such weasels.”

“I love watching him think," Maeve told Lily. "You can almost hear that poor little hamster running and running on its wheel.”

“Thomas grunted. "Might have been smarter for them to have left you alone. Now you know something."I made an exasperated sound. "Yes. Those fools. By trying to kill me, they've revealed their very souls. I have them now."Thomas gave me a steady look. "Being Mab's bitch has made you a pessimist.""I am not a pessimist," I said loftily. "Though that can't last."That made Thomas grin. "Nice.""Thank you.”

“Paradox is an overrated threat. There is...a quality similar to inertia at work. Once an event has occurred, there is an extremely strong tendency for that event to occur. The larger, more significant, or more energetic the event, the more it tends to remain as it originally happened, despite any interference."I frowned. "There's...a law of conservation of history?”

“It is the only way," Vadderung said. "If anyone managed to set free the things in the Well...""Seems like it would be bad," I said."Not bad," Vadderung said. "The end.""Oh," I said. "Good to know. The island didn't mention that part.""The island cannot accept it as a possibility," Vadderung said absently."It should probably put its big-girl pants on, then," I said.”

“What do you need?" Vadderung asked."Advice," I said. "If the price is right.""And what do you think a sufficient price would be?""Lucy charges a nickel.""Ah," Vadderung said. "But Lucy is a psychiatrist. You realize that you've just cast yourself as Charlie Brown.""Augh," I said.”

“About thirty feet from the door, Molly abruptly stopped in her tracks and said, "Harry."I paused and looked back at her.Her eyes were wide. She said, "I sense..."I narrowed my eyes. "Say it. You know you want to say it.""It is not a disturbance in the Force, she said, her voice half-exasperated.”

“Thomas looked like he was about to talk some smack at the malk, but only for a second. Then he frowned and said, "It's odd. You sound like...like a grade-school teacher.""Perhaps it is because I am speaking to a child," Cat Sith said. "The comparison is apt."Thomas blinked several times and then he looked at me. "Did the evil kitty just call me a child?”

“The cabin door swung open and Molly belly-crawled onto the deck until she could see me. "Who started shooting at us?""Bad guys!" I cringed as another round hit the side of the boat and peppered me with wooden splinters. "Obviously!”

“I told you," Molly said, never looking toward me. "It's in the past. Leave it there.""You listening to my head, kiddo?"Her mouth twitched. "Only when I want to hear the roar of the ocean.”

“Merlin had, according to legend, created the White Council of Wizards from the chaos of the fall of the Roman Empire. He plunged into the flames of the burning Library of Alexandria to save the most critical texts, helped engineer the Catholic Church as a vessel to preserve knowledge and culture during Europe's Dark Ages, and leapt tall cathedrals in a single bound.”

“I'd been to the island on most weekends up until I got shot, and Thomas had often come with me. We'd used some fresh lumber, some material salvaged from the ruined town, and some pontoons made from plastic sheathing and old tractor-tire inner tubes to construct a floating walkway to serve as a dock, anchored to the old pilings that had once supported a much larger structure. Upon completion, I had dubbed it the Whatsup Dock, and Thomas had chucked me twenty feet out into the lake, thus proving his utter lack of appreciation for reference-orientated humour. (And then I'd thrown him forty feet out with magic, once I got dry. Because come on, he's my brother. It was the only thing to do.)”

“If your new boss wanted yo on the island, wouldn't she just have told you to go there?" Thomas asked."Seems like," I said. "Taking her orders is pretty much my job now."Molly snorted softly."Maybe I'll grow into it," I said. "You don't know."Thomas snorted softly.”

“Bob," I said over my shoulder. "Tell her it's me.""Can't," Bob said in a dreamy tone. "Boobs.”

“Lean forward a little, my lord," Toot said instantly, and shouted, "Hey, Kernal Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!"I fought not to smile. "No, that's a metaphor," I said.Toot frowned and scratched his head. "I don't know what it's for.”

“We had reached the doors to my suite, which still felt awkward to say, even in my own head. My suite. Guys like me don't have suites. We have lairs.”

“Wisps of arctic blue and green and purple buzzed and whirled within those sharp spikes, sending out a wild coruscation of coloured light. The aurora was mesmerizing and blinding at the same time, and little disco balls hoped that they could grow up to be half as brilliant one day.”

“Souls," I said. "I mean, you always wonder if they're real. Even if you believe in them, you still have to wonder: Is my existence just this body? Is there really something more? Do I really have a soul?"Uriel's smile blossomed again. "You've got it backward, Harry," he said. "You are a soul. You have a body.”

“The Carpenters had a threshold more solid and extensive than the Great Wall of China. I would not be in the least bit surprised if you could see it from space.”

“It took several minutes, and when Butters woke up, Andi and Marci, both naked, both rather pleasant that way, were giving him CPR. They'd kept his body alive in the absence of his soul."Wow," Butters slurred as he opened his eyes. He looked back and forth between the two werewolf girls. "Subtract the horrible pain in my chest, and all the mold and mildew, and I'm living the dream."Then he passed out.”

“Uriel smiled. "Collin, like the others, is wit me because he is not yet prepared to face what comes next. When he is, he'll take that step. For now, he is not.""When you say what comes next, what do you mean, exactly?""The part involving words like forever, eternity, and judgment.""Oh," I said. "What Comes Next.”

“You want to play head games?" Molly snarled, her blue eyes blazing. "Let's go.”

“Booya!" I drunkenly howled from the ground. I choked a little on the dust as I staggered back to my feet, my heart pounding, my whole body alive with strain and adrenaline. I stabbed a pointing finger toward the impact crater. "That's right! Who just rocked your face? Harry fucking Dresden! That's who!”

“Good Lord, I'm regretting this now," I muttered. "I have never - ever - smelled BO this bad in my life. And I once had s'mores wit a Sasquatch.""Hang out with him for awhile," Mort gasped. "Eventually it's not so bad.""Wow. Really?""No. Not really.”

“My name is Harry Dresden," I said.Fitz stumbled. "Holy shit," he said. "Like...that Harry Dresden? The professional wizard?""The one and only."He recovered his pace and shook his head. "I heard you were dead.""Well, yeah," I said, "but I'm taking it in stride.”

“Butters," rumbled Skaldi Hair Ball. If he really had broken fingers, it didn't look like they were bothering him much. "When are you going to get in this ring and train like a man?""About five minutes after I get a functional lightsaber," Butters replied easily, much to Hair Ball's amusement.”

“There were quick footsteps beside me, and then Molly pressed her back to mine. "You take that side!" she said. "I'll take this one!"DJ Molly C lifted both of her wands and turned the battle chaos to eleven.”

“Why?" I demanded of her. "Why bring the child into this? Why not just come straight to me?""Does it matter at this point?"I shrugged. "Not really. I'm curious."She stared at me for a moment and then she smiled. "You don't know."I eyed her warily. "Don't know what?""Dear boy," she said. "This was never about you."I scowled. "I don't understand.""Obviously," Arianna said, and gave me a stunning smile. "Die confused.”

“Thomas barked out a laugh. "There are seven of us against the Red King and his thirteen most powerful nobles, and it's going well?"Mouse sneezed."Eight," Thomas corrected himself. He rolled his eyes and said, "And the psycho death faerie makes it nine.""It is like movie," Sanya said, nodding. "Dibs on Legolas.”

“So," he said. "Mab."I grunted vaguely in reply."You hit that," Sanya said.”

“This creature serves you?" Sanya asked."This one and about a hundred smaller ones. And five times that many part-timers I can call in once in awhile." I thought about it. "It isn't so much that they serve me as that we have a business arrangement that we all like. They help me out from time to time. I furnish them with regular pizza.""Which they...love," Sanya said.Toot spun in a dizzy, delighted circle on one heel, and fell onto his back with perfectly unself-conscious enthusiasm, his tummy sticking out as far as it could. He lay there for a moment, making happy, gurgling sounds."Well," I said. "Yes."Sanya's eyes danced, though his face was sober. "You are a drug dealer. To tiny faeries. Shame.”