Jim Butcher

“Apocalypse is a frame of mind." [Nicodemus] said then. "A belief. A surrender to inevitability. It is a despair for the future. It is the death of hope.”

“It bothered me that he was right. Without Sir Stuart's intervention, I'd have been dead again already.That's right--you heard me: dead again already.I mean, come on. How screwed up is your life (after- or otherwise) when you find yourself needing phrases like that?”

“Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile.”

“Kid. You just made the last mistake of your life.''God,' I said. 'I wish.”

“‎It isn't enough to stand up and fight darkness. You've got to stand apart from it, too. You've got to be different from it.”

“I would hit you on the head with a rock and drag you away from this. But it would only shatter the rock.”

“Got to die of something," Giraldi observed. "Might as well put back a few pints while you wait to see what it is.”

“I shrugged and said sadly, 'What? Once we gave them the vote, it went totally out of control.''You're a pig, Harry,' Murphy growled.'But a pig smart enough to bow to the inevitable.”

“EASTER HAS BEEN CANCELED - THEY FOUND THE BODY”

“He wasn't evil as much as magnificently innocent of any kind of morality.”

“Let's get something clear up front. I'm not Harry Dresden. Harry's a wizard. A genuine, honest-to-goodness wizard. He's Gandalf on crack and an IV of Red Bull, with a big leather coat and a .44 revolver in his pocket. He'll spit in the eye of gods and demons alike if he thinks it needs to be done, and to hell with the consequences -- and yet somehow my little brother manages to remain a decent human being. I'll be damned if I know how. But then, I'll be damned regardless. My name is Thomas Raith, and I'm a monster.”

“I got the sneaking suspicion that the vampire was a couple of Peeps short of an Easter basket.”

“Okay," Kincaid said. "Anyone have any questions?""Why do they sell hot dogs in packages of ten but hot dog buns in packages of eight?”

“Are you serious? What the hell does a stunt double do in a porno flick?"Jake waved a hand vaguely toward his belt. "Extreme close-ups.""Uh. What?""Historically speaking, it doesn't happen often. Especially what with Viagra now. But it isn't unknown for a director to bring in a double for the close of a scene, if the actor is having trouble finishing."I blinked. "He thought I was a stunt penis?"Jake laughed at my reaction. "Man. You are new.”

“Being here? With you? I've met my subconscious, and he's not that sick.”

“Answer my question, Dresden,' Nicodemus growled. 'What is that?''A precaution against getting stuck in deep snow,' I said. 'He's training to be a Saint Bernard.''Excuse me?' Nicodemus said.I mimed covering one of Mouse's ears with my hand and stage-whispered, 'Don't tell him that they don't actually carry kegs of booze on their collars. Break his little heart.”

“...It's just one hour. Just one little hour. What could happen in one hour?”

“Molly was committing dinner. . .”

“No matter where you go, there you are. [- Uriel to Harry Dresden]”

“But I don't understand God. I don't understand how he could see the way people treat one another, and not chalk up the whole human race as a bad idea.”

“Science, the largest religion of the twentieth century, had become tarnished by images of exploding space shuttles, crack babies, and a generation of complacent Americans who allowed the television to raise their children. People were looking for something - I think they just didn't know what. And even though they were once again starting to open their eyes to the world of magic and the arcane that had been with them all the while, they still thought I must be some kind of joke.”

“You suck. You suck diseased moose wang, Marcone.”

“Lots of things are more than what they seem in a purely physical sense.”

“Never let it be said that Harry Dresden is afraid of a dried, dead bug. Creepy or not, I wasn't going to let it ruin my concentration.So I scooped it up with the corner of the phone book and popped it into the middle drawer of my desk. Out of sight, out of mind.So I have a problem with creepy, dead, poisonous things. So sue me.”

“She's going to do nothing but try to trick information out of me that I shouldn't be giving her, Mac," I said."Ungh," Mac agreed."Why did I say yes?"Mac shrugged."She's pretty," I said. "Smart. Sexy.""Ungh.""Any red-blooded man would have done the same thing.""Hngh," Mac snorted."Well. Maybe not you."Mac smiled a bit, mollified."Still. It's going to make trouble for me. I must be crazy to go for someone like that." I picked up my sandwich, and sighed."Dumb," Mac said."I just said she was smart, Mac."Mac's face flickered into that smile, and it made him look years younger, almost boyish. "Not her," he said. "You.”

“You're supposed to be a spirit of intellect. I don't understand why you're obsessed with sex."Bob's voice got defensive. "It's an academic interest, Harry.""Oh yeah? Well maybe I don't think it's fair to let your academia go peeping in other people's houses.""Wait a minute. My academia doesn't just peep -"I held up a hand. "Save it. I don't want to hear it."He grunted. "You're trivializing what getting out for a bit means to me, Harry. You're insulting my masculinity.""Bob," I said, "you're a skull . You don't have any masculinity to insult.""Oh yeah?" Bob challenged me. "Pot kettle black, Harry! Have you gotten a date yet? Huh? Most men have something better to do in the middle of the night than play with their chemistry sets.”

“I once lost five years listening to a Pink Floyd album.”

“If you can't manage courtesy, try silence.”

“There is hinkiness afoot with regard to my, ah, disposition.”

“Bob, would you be willing to take on Evil Bob?"Bob's eyes darted nervously. "I'd . . . prefer not to. I'd really, really prefer not to. You have no idea. That me was crazy. And buff. He worked out.”

“Hey," He croaked. "You. Arrogant bitch ghost.""I'm not really into this whole hero thing," Mort said. "Don't have the temperament for it. Don't know a lot about the villain side of the equation, either." He planted his feet,facing the Corpsetaker squarely, his hands clenched into fist at his side."But it seems to me, you half-wit, that you probably shouldn't have left a freaking ectomancer a pit full of wraiths to play with.”

“I sometimes give myself excellent advice. Occasionally, I even listen to it.”

“The mad rarely know that they are mad. It's the rest of the world, I think, that seems insane to them.”

“My office is in a building in midtown Chicago. It's an older building, and not in the best of shape, especially since there was that problem with the elevator last year. I don't care what anyone says, that wasn't my fault. when a giant scorpion the size of an Irish wolfhound is tearing its way through the roof of your elevator car, you get real willing to take desperate measures.”

“Screw up my life?" He stared at me for a second and then said, deadpan, "I'm a five-foot-three, thirty-seven-year-old, single, Jewish medical examiner who needs to pick up his lederhosen from the dry cleaners so that he can play in a one-man polka band at Oktoberfest tomorrow." He pushed up his glasses with his forefinger, folded his arms, and said, "Do your worst.”

“So we get a plan," I said. "Any suggestions?""Blow up the building," Kincaid said without looking up. "That works good for vampires. Then soak what's left in gasoline. Set it on fire. Then blow it all up again.""For future reference, I was sort of hoping for a suggestion that didn't sound like it came from that Bolshevik Muppet with all the dynamite.”

“Epic sex?" I sputtered. "By what standards, precisely, is sex judged to be epic?""And tons and tons of mortal simps like you used as pawns." Bob sighed happily, ignoring my question. "There are no words. It was like the Lord of the Rings and All My Children made a baby with the Macho Man Randy Savage and a Whac-A-Mole machine.”

“Jump into an open grave? What kind of idiot are you?" Butters replied. "I might as well put on a red shirt and volunteer for the away team. There's snow and ice and slippery mud down there. That's like asking for an ironically broken neck.”

“There should be a rule against your own inner monologue throwing around that much sarcasm.”

“I’ve often wished that I had some suave and socially acceptable hobby that I could fall back on in times like this. You know, play the violin (or was it the viola) like Sherlock Holmes, or maybe twiddle away on the pipe organ like the Disney version of Captain Nemo. But I don’t. I’m sort of the arcane equivalent of a classic computer geek. I do magic, in one form or another, and that’s pretty much it. I really need to get a life, one of these days”

“My gast was pretty well flabbered.”

“You're dead, son. Cheer is contraindicated.”

“It would require a singularly stupid man to go hang around in narrow tunnels and cramped spaces alongside a threat like that."And I, Harry Dresden, am that man," I stated.”

“Seedy wasn't a fair description for the place, because seeds imply eventual regrowth and renewal.”

“Discretion is the better part of not getting exsanguinated.”

“Thomas was an annoying wiseass who tended to make everyone he met want to kill him, and when I have that much in common with someone, I can't help but like him a little.”

“Unicorns," I said. "Very dangerous. You go first.”

“I stretched out my hand, adrenaline and pain giving me plenty of fuel for the magic, and called, 'Ventas servitas!' Wind leapt out in a sudden spurt, seizing the Unraveling and tearing it from Aurora's fingers, sending it spinning through the air toward me. I caught it, stuck my tongue out at Aurora, yelled, 'Meep, meep!' and ran like hell.”

“I am the foremost collector of velvet Elvii in the city of Chicago," I said at once. "Elvii?" Marcone inquired."The plural would be Elvises, I guess," I said. "But if I say that too often, I start muttering to myself and calling things 'my precious,' so I usually go with the Latin plural.”

“I am blind and limited. I would be a fool think myself wise. And so, not knowing what the universe means, I can only try to be responsible with the knowledge, the strength, and the time given to me. I must be true to my heart.”