Jim C. Hines

“Of course, once you had yanked Conan the Barbarian's sword out of a book to fight off a rabid weresquirrel, "impossible" lost a lot of its punch.”

“Isaac: “Besides, is it really stealing if you’re stealing from an asshole?”Lena: “I’d have to double-check, but I don’t think the criminal code includes an asshole clause.”

“Smudge continued running laps, flames flickering like tiny orange banners on his back. He was never wrong about danger, but he couldn’t tell you if that danger was a meteorite streaking toward the roof or an amorous moose running amok in the parking lot.”

“...bookstores, libraries... they're the closest thing I have to a church.”

“When Theolyn died, the humans had built an enormous pyre and placed his body at the center. How was [Veka] supposed to know humans cremated their dead instead of cooking them? She had figured it out quickly enough, but not before Jimar and his ilk had spotted her standing at the pyre, fork in hand.”

“[In an interview when asked about becoming a fantasy creature] You know, it might be fun to be Sanguinarius Meyerii (better known as “sparklers”). They have all of the vampire superpowers and almost none of the weaknesses: no burning up in sunlight, no vulnerability to garlic, etc. As for my demise, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Once I get this kind of power, I’m planning to live forever. It’s the only way I’ll catch up on my reading!”

“Instead of Debbie Does Dallas, we get Gandalf Guts Goblins.”

“Like any child raised on tales of magical worlds beyond paintings and mirrors and wardrobes, I had yearned to enter Middle Earth, to reach through.”

“Every libromancer had a first book. Etched more sharply into my memory than my first kiss, this book had been my magical awakening.”

“If you really want to kill a libriomancer, hook a bomb up to a big red button and tell him not to press it”

“اعتقاداتك الدينية هى شئ خاص بك. إنها ليست ولا يجب أن تكون أساساً للقانون. إذا استخدمتها كمبرر للتمييز ضد الآخرين، فلا تنزعج عندما يراك الآخرين مخبولاً.”

“This presents a serious question." They both looked at me. "What's that?" asked Lena. "Whether to start you off with a Doctor Who marathon or dive straight into Firefly.”

“Two libriomancers had been disciplined for trying to get an early copy of the last Harry Potter book.”

“Pac-Man?" The beast looked up at me, oversized fangs giving it an expression that straddled the line between deadly and dopey. A string of drool waved pendulum-like from the jaw, pushing it firmly into the latter category. "When he was a puppy, he tried to eat a ghost," Pallas explained.”

“I was amused to note that even vampires obeyed the unwritten rules of elevator etiquette.”

“A cop friend downstate had once described what he called the 'pucker effect,' the body's automatic response when something just wasn't right. He wasn't talking about the lips; the puckering happened farther south, and every cop learned to trust that instinct.”

“Any factual errors that remain are entirely the fault of Bob, who snuck into the offices at DAW to try to sabotage my book. I hate that guy.”

“Which reminds me, there's a vampire hand in your freezer's ice maker." Seeing my aghast expression, she added, "Don't worry. I double-bagged it.”

“I have seen John Scalzi's pose-off picture. There are no words. There is only inarticulate whimpering.”

“Your religious beliefs are your business. They are not and should not be the basis for law. If you use them as justification to discriminate against others, don’t be upset when others decide you’re an asshole."[Blog post of July 26, 2011]”

“I like big books and I cannot lie.You other readers can’t denyThat when a kid walks in with The Name of the WindLike a hardbound brick of win.Story bling.Wanna swipe that thingCause you see that boy is speedingRight through the book he’s reading.I’m hooked and I can’t stop pleading.Wanna curl up with that for ages,All thousand pages.Reviewers tried to warn me.But with that plot you hookedMe like Bradley.Ooh, crack that fat spine.You know I wanna make you mine.This book is stella ’cause it ain’t some quick novella.”

“1. Bullying is not okay. Period.2. Freedom of religion does not give you the right to physically or verbally assault people.3. If your sincerely-held religious beliefs require you to bully children, then your beliefs are fucked up.”

“Given the issues with certain SF/F trophies (like the World Fantasy Award, which is 1) butt-ugly and 2) based on one disgustingly racist dude), all trophies from this point forward should be made out of LEGO. That way if you don't like it, you can just make it into something else.”

“New rule: every fantasy author who doesn't treat horses like tireless hairy motorcycles automatically gets a Hugo.”

“Freedom of speech does not protect you from the consequences of saying stupid shit.[Blog post, March 12, 2012]”

“Do you know why happily ever after is a lie?" Snow asked. "Because life is change.”

“Watch your step," said Slash.Jig stopped, fully expecting to be shot, poisoned, crushed, or maybe all three at the same time. "What is it now?" Slash pointed to a pile of brown, slimy goo in the center of the tunnel. "Hairball.”

“That is a trial I must face," Veka said."No, that is a multiheaded snake thing, Jig snapped.”

“A hundred feet underground, in a fake field beneath a fake sky, with an ogre slaughtered like no more than a rat to a cat, and he sends us to search for the unusual.”

“That worked great! Thank you so much. What next?""I don't know. I didn't expect you to live through it.""Oh.”

“Torches," Porak ordered."This is dumb," Jig grumbled as one of the others handed out torches. "Why not run ahead and warn any intruders that we're coming? Maybe we should sing, too, in case they're blind.”