JM Darhower

“sempre. she asked.Cracking a smile, he brushed his pointer finger softly across her lips. “Always and forever.”

“Dr. DeMarco nodded, motioning toward Carmine. “I’m thankful for the Mazda— damn thankful you didn’t return it scratched,” he said, glaring at his father. “I’m thankful to be out of that ridiculous boarding school. Thankful for music and my gun... I fucking love my gun.” Haven looked at him with surprise as Dr. DeMarco laughed. “It’s a nice gun. I checked it out. A 1911 .45 ACP. Where’d you get it?”Carmine shrugged. “Maybe I don’t recall.” “Fair enough,” Dr. DeMarco said. ”Are you done?” “Uh, I'm thankful for you all, even if you get on my nerves sometimes,” Carmine said. “Oh, and orgasms... definitely thankful for those.” “That’s enough,” Dr. DeMarco said, shaking his head as he turned to her. “What are you thankful for, child?” She hesitated, her nerves running amuck. “Having food to eat. A bed to sleep in, too.”

“His chest swelled with pride at her words. “Good, because no one touches my girl unless she wants to be touched. No woman should ever be violated. That’s something my mom made sure we understood. She said a woman’s body was a temple, and you should never enter it without an invitation. I was just a kid and didn’t understand at the time, but she stressed it so much that I remember.”

“Life’s a struggle, and it would be so easy if it came with an eraser, but it didn’t. What's done is done, as hard as that was to accept.”

“Haven stared at the door once he was gone. “He seems strange.” “Yeah, I’ve noticed. It’s a bit scary. He’s resolved these days, like he has some fucking grand plan to save us all.” “Do we need to be saved?” “Don't we always?”

“[...] I’ll fucking kill them all. Every single one of them.” Corrado’s voice rang out beside them. “Too late. They’re all already dead.” Carmine glared at his uncle. “Well, we’ll bring those motherfuckers back to life then.”

“Celia sighed. “Her life may not have been her own, but her death was. She made a decision and saw it through. None of us can take that from her. None of us should. We should respect that, as hard as it may be.”

“I can't save the world, Haven, bur I'll save you ... even if it's the last thing I do.”

“You’re not gonna kill that doctor I just saw, are you?" Carmine asked, the heavy dose of morphine in his system clouding his thoughts. "I know you killed that other one, so I was just wondering."Corrado said nothing, and Carmine wasn’t sure whether that was good or bad."I don’t think you should," he said. "He’s just a doctor.""Carmine?""Yeah?""Shut up."Carmine decided then he should probably shut up.”

“Every "I hate you" that echoed from her chest was followed by an "I love you" from his lips. Every time she begged him to let go, he told her he would be there forever.”

“She's a great cook.""Yeah," Carmine said. "Probably the Italian in her."[...]Dominic laughed. "Must be. You know damn well she has Carmine's full-blooded Italian in her all the time."Carmine's muscles went rigid, and Vincent started coughing as he choked on his drink. Celia snorted, trying to hold back her amusement, but Dominic didn't bother containing himself.”

“I'm graduating and she corrected my vocabulary the other day. I said I felt nauseous, and she said the word I wanted was nauseated. Fucked me up, bro. Didn't know there was a difference.”

“You know what's kind of funny? Well, not funny, but ironic, maybe? She's been here nine months now, and it takes nine months to create life. It's like she's been reborn. And the fact that tomorrow you turn eighteen is just another piece of it. It feels like right now is the start of something, like we're at the beginning and not the finish line."Dominic started to walk away but paused after a few steps, his brow furrowed. "Actually, I don't think that's what irony is. Haven would probably correct me again and say I was being symbolic.”

“He didn‘t care what she said—happiness was a lot more than good health and a poor memory. Happiness was this. It was her, and him, and that moment. Fuck Albert Schweitzer. He could kiss his ass. Happiness wasreal.”

“Life is a struggle, and it would be so easy if it came with an eraser, but it didn't.”

“I was desperate, baby. I wasn’t lying when I said I couldn’t live if you died. I needed to know you were alive. I needed to see you, and now that you’re safe. I can’t regret it. It sucks, and I know it’s not what any of us wanted, but seeing you here, I know it was worth it.”

“Haven, baby, I need you to wake up. You have to make it. I can't do this if you don't.”

“Fuck those motherfuckers”

“yeah, love is when you always want to be with the person," Lisa said, " you want to go everywhere they go and do everything they do. You'd follow them anywhere""That's not love, Lisa," Carmine said, "That's called stalking.”

“We're like questions and answers. What good is a fucking question without an answer?”

“There isn't a button," she said. "You choose your setting and then you pull the dial." He glanced at her as she folded a shirt, annoyed by her nonchalance at doing laundry. "What exactly is my setting? It looks to me like the setting is the goddamn laundry room and the plot is I don't know how to fucking turn this thing on.”

“Besides, there‘s a reason we don‘t know how the story ends.""Why?""Because it doesn‘t”

“If you expect nothing, you aren't disappointed when you get nothing”

“My mom always wanted a bunch of kids, but they stopped after me. I never understood why." His voice was wistful. Haven closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Maybe they realized they created perfection when they made you and didnt need anymore.”

“il tempo guarisce tutti i mali.”

“they were two broken kids, desperate to be whole again, struggling to find balance in a world out of their control”

“Some things in life only happen once, the memories of them lasting forever. They're moments that alter you, turning you into a person you never thought you'd become, but someone you were always destined to be. There's no magical rewind button in life, no take backs or do-over's to fix things you wish you could change.”

“Haven poured herself some orange juice, pausing. “Did you want some of this, Carmine?”“Yeah, definitely want some of that.”

“Get haven to my house and fix her before your son resorts to resuscitating people just to kill them again.”

“He’s so much like you it’s almost disturbing,” Corrado said, glancing at Vincent as Carmine kicked Dean hard in the ribs.”

“See how much she’s changed… you did that for her”“I didn’t do anything”…“You’re the one who made the difference … no matter what you do tomorrow, Carmine, what matters is that you did that today.”…“All I did was love her.”“Ever think maybe that’s what she needed? Sometimes we don’t have to really do anything. We just have to be.”

“But then she happened. The girl who had never been able to call her life her own taught a boy who had the world at his fingertips exactly what it meant to live. He wasn’t alone anymore.”

“I see you’re not being as sneaky this time around. I’m glad. You make a gorgeous couple.”Carmine smirked as he looked at Haven, seeing the blush rise up into her cheeks. “We do look good, don’t we?”Celia laughed. “I see your ego’s still as big.”“That’s not the only thing big about me,” Carmine joked. “Isn’t that right, tesoro?”

“My mom used to talk about fate all the time, and I think you’re it… you’re my fate. You were brought to me for a reason, for us to save each other. Because you weren’t the only one needing saved, Haven. I was drowning, and you rescued me.”

“Have you found the porn yet?”Her brow furrowed. “Porn?”“Yes, porn. You’ll know what it is when you see it.”…She aw the naked woman on the front of one of the DVD cases. She covered it up, but she wasn’t quick enough – Carmine had already spotted it. He laughed. “Told you you’d fine the porn.”She tried to shove the DVD back under his bed, but he grabbed the case and held it up in front of her. “Wanna watch it?”

“Grabbing her hand, he pressed it gently to his chest. His skin was warm to the touch, and she could slightly feel his pulse pounding against her palm.“Do you feel that? I’m not going anywhere, Haven. This is yours.”

“Sogni dóro, mia bella ragazza,” he mumbled, closing his eyes. "Sweet dreams my beautiful girl.”

“You’re too good for me.”He laughed. “Are we talking about the same person? The selfish fucker who curses and yells, blows up cars and beats up people, because he has a temper he can’t control? You know, the one who drinks like a fish and fries his brain with drugs? That person is too good for you?”She shook her head. “I’m talking about the boy who shared his chocolate bar with me when he probably never shared anything before, who gave me his mama’s favourite book, because he thought I deserved to read. The one who seems to be constantly fixing me up when I get hurt. I’m talking about the boy who treats me like I’m a regular girl, the one who desperately needs his bedroom cleaned and laundry washed but chooses to live in a mess and wear dirty clothes, because he’s too polite to ask the girl he kisses for help.”“Wow,” Carmine said. “I’d like to meet that motherfucker.”

“When you dream, you can go anywhere. ”

“They won'y hurt me, right?""Right," he said."You're probably then times more dangerous than fireflies are"Dangerous. The word made his heart spike.Something told him that was what this girl was---a danger to his fucking sanity.”

“Imagine every aspect of your life—your job, your spouse, your kids, even your friends—but don’t imagine the future you think you’re heading for. Instead, imagine the future you desire most. Forget all the expectations everyone else has for you and concentrate on what you truly want. Visualize the road that will take you there. That’s your path. That’s where you belong in life... None of the truly great in this world became that way by doing what they felt they had to do. If Isaac Newton had become a farmer like his mother wanted him to, or if Elvis would’ve listened when he was told to stick to truck driving, we’d know neither man today. We know them, because they had the courage to follow the path they envisioned.”

“You come here because you wish to find your faith again. You can't fool God, either. He knows everything, and it's okay, because He'll forgive you. The question is whether you're ready to be forgiven”

“The Battle of Gettysburg was fought in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania in 18-something-or-nother. The year doesn‘t matter.They considered it the turning point of the war, and President Lincoln showed up to give his big speech. Who really cares what it was called? I don‘t. After it was all over and the North won, Congress passed the 13th amendment to free the slaves. It outlawed owning another person, yada, yada, yada, but it was a waste of time. All of it. Every bit. Completely pointless. All those people died and it didn't change anything, because it doesn't work if they don't enforce it. They just ignore it, turn their backs and say it‘s not their problem, but it is. It's everyone's problem. They can say slavery ended all they want, but that doesn't make it true. People lie. They'll tell you what they think you wanna hear, and you‘ll believe it. Whatever makes you feel better about your dismal little lives. So, whatever. Go on being naive. Believe what the history book tells you if you want. Believe what Mrs. Anderson wants me to tell you about it. Believe the land of the free, blah, blah, blah, star spangled banner bullshit. Believe there aren‘t any slaves anymore just because a tall guy in a big ass top hat and a bunch of politicians said so. But I won‘t believe it, because if I do too, we‘ll all fucking be wrong, and someone has to be right." -Carmine DeMarco”

“Tell me, Mr. DeMarco. What’s love to you?”[…]He glared at his teacher. “I think it’s ridiculous you’re even trying to define it like it’s something material you can just go find if you want it. People use the word too loosely as it is. They say they love this and they love that, when they don’t. They just like the shi— uh, stuff. Love is something that changes you, and if you really loved all the crap you say you love, you’d never know who you were because you’d constantly be changing. Once you love, you love forever. You can’t help it.”

“It's fascinating. Did you know that Moanin' Lisa failed Home Ec last year? It proves the point, bro. You can't turn a hoe into a housewife.”

“Colpo di fulmine. The thunderbolt, as Italians call it. When love strikes someone like lightning, so powerful and intense it can’t be denied. It’s beautiful and messy,cracking a chest open and spilling their soul out for the world to see. It turns a person inside out, and there’s no going back from it. Once the thunderbolt hits, your life isirrevocably changed.”

“I’m gonna take a nap, Heaven,” he said, wanting away from her to clear his head. He didn’t like feeling uncomfortable in his house.“Haven,” she corrected him as he started to walk away.“I know,” he said. “I kinda like Heaven though.”She turned to him, and their eyes met for the first time since he’d walked into the room. “Me, too.”

“Who are you anyway? What are you even doing here?”“Haven,” she said quietly, peeking at him.He gazed at her peculiarly. “Heaven? No, this definitely isn't Heaven. But I get why you’re confused, since I'm standing in front of you.” She stared at him, and hecracked a smile. “I'm kidding. Well, kinda… I have been told I've taken a girl to Heaven a time or two.”“Haven, not Heaven,” she said, louder than before. Nothing about the conversation made sense to her. “My name’s Haven.”

“A girl would be lucky to have you, but not like this, Carmine. Not the way you treat people now. You're wasting your time, and it's not worth it. You need to find something that is. So, maybe your life isn’t boring, but it has to be unfulfilling.”

“I'm not that bad,” he said. “I'm rich, popular. I have a sense of humor. I'm good looking, and not to mention I have a really big—”