Joan Bauer
From: http://www.joanbauer.com/jbbio.html
July 12, 1951 - I was born at eleven A.M., a most reasonable time, my mother often said, and when the nurse put me in my mother's arms for the first time I had both a nasty case of the hiccups and no discernible forehead (it's since grown in). I've always believed in comic entrances.
As I grew up in River Forest, Illinois, in the 1950's, I seem to remember an early fascination with things that were funny. I thought that people who could make other people laugh were terribly fortunate. While my friends made their career plans, declaring they would become doctors, nurses, and lawyers, inwardly I knew that I wanted to be involved somehow in comedy. This, however, was a difficult concept to get across in first grade. But I had a mother with a great comic sense (she was a high school English teacher) and a grandmother who had been a funny professional storyteller, so I figured the right genes were in there somewhere, although I didn't always laugh at what my friends laughed at and they rarely giggled at my jokes. That, and the fact that I was overweight and very tall, all made me feel quite different when I was growing up--a bit like a musk ox at a tea party.
My grandmother, who I called Nana, had the biggest influence on me creatively. She taught me the importance of stories and laughter. She never said, "Now I'm going to tell you a funny story," she'd just tell a story, and the humor would naturally flow from it because of who she was and how she and her characters saw the world. She showed me the difference between derisive laughter that hurts others and laughter that comes from the heart. She showed me, too, that stories help us understand ourselves at a deep level. She was a keen observer of people.
I kept a diary as a child, was always penning stories and poems. I played the flute heartily, taught myself the guitar, and wrote folk songs. For years I wanted to be a comedienne, then a comedy writer. I was a voracious reader, too, and can still remember the dark wood and the green leather chairs of the River Forest Public Library, can hear my shoes tapping on the stairs going down to the children's room, can feel my fingers sliding across rows and rows of books, looking through the card catalogs that seemed to house everything that anyone would ever need to know about in the entire world. My parents divorced when I was eight years old, and I was devastated at the loss of my father. I pull from that memory regularly as a writer. Every book I have written so far has dealt with complex father issues. My dad was an alcoholic and the pain of that was a shadow that followed me for years, but I've learned things from that experience that have made me resilient. I attempted to address those issues in Rules of the Road, and I took them even further in the companion book, Best Foot Forward. The theme that I try to carry into all of my writing is this: adversity, if we let it, will make us stronger.
In my twenties, I worked in sales and advertising for the Chicago Tribune, McGraw-Hill, WLS Radio, and Parade Magazine. I met my husband Evan, a computer engineer, while I was on vacation. Our courtship was simple. He asked me to dance; I said no. We got married five months later in August, 1981. But I was not happy in advertising sales, and I had a few ulcers to prove it. With Evan's loving support, I decided to try my hand at professional writing. I wish I could say that everything started falling into place, but it was a slow, slow build -- writing newspaper and magazine articles for not much money. My daughter Jean was born in July of '82. She had the soul of a writer even as a baby. I can remember sitting at my typewriter (I didn't have a computer back then) writing away with Jean on a blanket on the floor next to me. If my writing was bad that day, I'd tear that page out of the typewriter and hand it to her. "Bad paper," I'd say and Jean would r
“I had taken the photograph from afar (distance being the basic glitch in our relationship), using my Nikon and zoom lens while hiding behind a fake marble pillar. I was hiding because if he knew I'd been secretly photographing him for all these months he would think I was immature, neurotic and obsessive. I'm not.I'm an artist.Artists are always misunderstood.(Thwonk)”
“It was bad enough not having a boyfriend for New Year's Eve. Now I had to cope with Valentine datelessness, feeling consummate social pressure from every retailer in America who stuck hearts and cupids on their windows by January second to rub it in. (Thwonk)”
“She studied my face.I rubbed my eyes. "I'm fine," I assured her.That was five months ago. I wasn't fine then and I'm not fine now. (Thwonk)”
“I flopped on the overstuffed kitchen couch and watched him go. I wondered what would happen to all his films and photographs in the upstairs closet - the documentaries on homelessness and drug addiction, the funny short subjects, the half-finished romantic comedy, the boxes of slice-of-life photographs that spoke volumes about the human condition. I wondered how you stop caring about what you've ached over, sweated over. (Thwonk)”
“I don't do normal. I have a reputation to uphold. (Thwonk)”
“Mom has the Touch. She knows what flowers go with what occasions, what hors d'oeuvres work with what people. She believes passionately in the power of food to heal, restore, and stimulate relationships, and she has built a following of loyal customers who really hope she's right. If she's wrong, says Sonia, no one wants to know.”
“Mom put dense cheddar bread into a bag for a man who said this was his wife's favorite - he'd driven all the way from New Jersey to buy it because today was their anniversary. Several women in the store jabbed their husbands on hearing this. I hung my head - Peter Terris wouldn't cross the street to buy me a Twinkie.”
“There they were, the movers and shakers of Benjamin Franklin Hight - the sports stars, the cheerleaders, the good, the great, the gorgeous - bent over their pizzas.Trish sensed my angst and said, "My mother says girls like Lisa Shooty get the ultimate curse known to man.""What's that?""Too much too soon."I looked at poor, cursed Lisa who had been sprayed with sex appeal at birth. She had gleaming teeth and long, raven-black curls. She threw back her head and laughed with diamond-studded joy."When do you think the curse takes effect?" I asked."Not in our lifetime," Trish answered.”
“You got to laugh Tree, if you don't you'll cry.”
“Ellie: "You could lie to me. You could tell me to be encouraged, that good will triumph over evil."Richard: "Good will triumph over evil."Ellie: "Liar.”
“When you have something so important, something that you'll stay awake for, something you know that you were designed to do, well, it's worth getting a few dark circles, don't you think?”
“Everything's got a purpose, really - you just have to look for it.Cats are good at keeping old dogs alive.Loss helps you reach for gain.Death helps you celebrate life.War helps you work for peace.A flood makes you glad you're still standing.And a tall boy can stop the wind so a candle of hope can burn bright.”
“WELCOME HOME, FOLKSWE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT”
“He shouted out like a drill sergeant, "Men, are we having fun yet? "No sir!" the vets cried out. "Men, are we going to fight like soldiers or fools?" The vets looked at one another, grinned. "Like fools, sir!" Everyone laughed. Luger dropped his cup again, but this time he kicked it hard across the room. "I can still kick! And everyone in rehab worked a little harder.”
“The attendant walked closer. "Where'd you come from, soldier?" Tree tried to think of a recent war and coudn't, so he said, "Canada." The attendant looked surprised. "Canada?" "It was a secret mission," Grandpa said. "It saved the Republic," Wild Man whispered.”
“Divorce casts so many shadows.”
“it's a complete rush to get what you've been hoping for - to get it so full and complete that it fills your senses. ”
“now i believe that the way to anyone's heart is through their stomach, and, my boy, i'm here to tell you, we ware in the heart business. we're going to reach deep past the menu and into the emotional power of food because a person comes back to a restaurant again and again for one reason only - to fee their soul. ”
“i mean, jillian gushed. you have this force connecting you. it's under the surface, but it runs deep. ”
“when hope gets released in a place, all kinds of things are possible”
“I've got my Replogle globe, because you've got to keep a world view, you can't just live like you're the only person on the planet who matters”
“When we don't have the words chocolate can speak volumes.”
“Mountains draw you to a deeper place in yourself”
“The sad heart needs work to do.”
“And we learned that you don't have to be famous or rich or physically healthy to be a leader. You just have to try to be a true person. We learned that helping other people brings out the good in everybody.”
“He stood up, put the tree back under the grow light. 'There. That's what's going to happen to us. It's called grafting. Taking something from one place and fixing it to another until they grow together. We didn't start from the same tree, but we're going to grow together like we did.”
“When you can carry five full dinner platters on your left arm, you should be able to vote, even if you're not eighteen.”
“It was probably easier in the old days when the bad guys rode into town wearing black capes or whatever bad guys wore and the milk cows were ownded by honest people. Right off the bat, you'd know who you were dealing with. Now everybody dresses alike.”
“If she's really psychic," Zack said when he saw Tanisha's photo at school, "why does she need a doorbell?”
“Sometimes just getting up in the morning and standing at the gate can bring the gate down.”
“You know what we learned from living under the rule of Communism?""No.""We learned to get mad.”
“Everyone needs fudge, Hildy. It's how God helps us cope.”
“How could a man with so much heart die from a heart attack?”
“You don't understand how much light you have until the lights go out.”
“Will we have bodyguards?""We're not quite set up for that. But with all these mothers, you don't need them.”
“Toys "R" Us. Zack put on a wool cap and sunglasses. "You look like a bank robber," I observed."No toy is safe.”
“Teenagers are like bees at night, I think. We don't like waking up and we don't always get with the program immediately, but once we figure out our mission, we'll see it through.”
“You know where we got stuck? We were looking for faithfull, loving and perfect relationships-males who were always glad to see us." "So?" "We already have that!" "What do you mean?" "We've got dogs!”
“I've never said this to a girl before."I bit my lip, waiting."Well..." He looked down. "I'm not sure how to say this." He took a deep breath and announced, "I really like fighting evil with you.”
“Are you some kind of foot fetish?”
“We've got a bozo who likes rubbing fear and lies in people's faces. He's the only media source in town except us. Who are we writing for?"Elizabeth waved her hand emotionally. "The American people!"Baker clasped his brow. "Let's narrow that."Darrell stood. "We're writing for the community.""And they deserve the facts," Baker warned. "Don't ever forget it.”
“We read to learn and to grow, to laugh, to be motivated, and to understand things we've never been exposed to. We read for strength to help us when we feel broken, discouraged or afraid. We read to find hope. We read because we're not just made up of skin and bones, and a deep need for chocolate, but we're also made up of words, words which describe our thoughts and what's hidden in our hearts.”
“ Have you ever noticed that it takes a textbook dozens of pages to say what normal people can cover fast? Example: What was the full impact of World War II? Clear-cut teenage answer: we won.”
“You don't know which way a thing will come at you, but you need to welcome it with your whole heart which ever way it arrives.”
“New places always help us look at life differently”
“When the going gets tough, the tough get a librarian.”
“The problem with the heart is how it can have so many opposite feelings coursing through it all at the same time. It's really an inconsistent thing- appreciating something one minute and hating it the next. ”
“They marched. Not for themselves. They marched to remember the ones who didn't make it back. They marched because seeing so much loss can teach you about life. they marched because we're all fighting a war whether we know it or not...a war for our minds and souls and what we believe in.”
“You cannot measure the loss of a human life. It's all the things a person was, all their dreams, all the people who loved them, all they hoped to be and could give back to the world.”
“My father always told me that in this world we are going to make a truckload of mistakes, but the best mistake we can ever make is to err on the side of mercy”