Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers (born Joan Sandra Molinsky) was an American comedian, actress, talk show host, businesswoman, and celebrity. She was known for her brash manner and loud, raspy voice with a heavy metropolitan New York accent. Rivers was the National Chairwoman of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and is a board member of God's Love We Deliver. Like the ground-breaking Phyllis Diller, Rivers' act relied heavily on poking fun at herself. A typical Rivers joke about her unattractiveness: "I used to stand by the side of the road with a sign: 'Last girl before freeway.'"
“I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays”
Joan Rivers
“Ginger did everything Fred did, only backwards and in High Heels!”
Joan Rivers
“If God wanted us to bend over he would put diamonds on the floor”
Joan Rivers
“She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.”
Joan Rivers
“I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't makeit through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'llmake a door. Something terrific will come no matter how darkthe present.”
Joan Rivers
“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”
Joan Rivers
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
“Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.”
Joan Rivers
“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
Joan Rivers
“It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.”
Joan Rivers
“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”
Joan Rivers