Jonny Cox

Joining the army was like running away to join the circus. I couldn't find a real job and I'd just been dumped by my girlfriend, so I signed up.

The army was a real bitch. It was like being married to a beautiful but manipulative woman. She taunted me and betrayed me, introducing me to girls and then stealing them away, leaving me lonely and confused.

Then at last I thought I'd met the love of my life. I was in Cyprus and Aphrodite seemed to be smiling at me...then I got petrol bombed; the Army Bitch was jealous.