J.P. Donleavy

“And Mary, what of other men? There are no other men because my heart has gone out to you. And if you don't laugh I'll tell you what i think. I won't laugh. I think it's a fine instrument that God made for the poor likes of us to enjoy.”

“When I'm dead, I hope it may be said: his sins were scarlet, but his books were read.”

“Take deedsAway.Play musicplease.”

“She thought too that women didn't know what to do with themselves these days which could turn them into harridans. Hardly a female friend she knew wasn't miserable. Either mind dumb with children, or in the married condition married to an earnest toiler, or lonely unmarried in their successful career.”

“The only slight disconcertance being that in the middle of looking at a paintings [in the Museum of Modern Art] she always found herself desperately needing to take a pee. And grandmother's voice in her ear.'My dear, if you really have to, only clean, very clean rest rooms will do.”

“How when one is able to indulge the luxury of beginning one's life again.All one thinksTo doIs end it”

“See all the women seated, youth in their face lifts, old age in their hands.”

“Revenge is what I want. Nothing but pure unadulterated revenge. But my mother brought me up to be a lady.”

“You know, there must be happiness somewhere, when a lawyer dies.”

“Not using that handy maxim a man is what he makes his dough at and alas how much. Sometimes it is a gentle gesture to remind people of their big time possibilities. Makes them like you.”

“Dear Mr Skully, I have caught my neck in a mangle and will be indisposed for eternity.Yours in deathS.D.”

“Writing: Turning one's worst moments into profit.”

“Some day you’ll show up when I’m back where I belong in this world. When I have what I ought to have. My due. And when you do. My gamekeepers will drive you out and away for good. Out. Away. Out.”

“Electronic books are a bad thing because they cannot be accumulated on shelves to remind you of your past, to impress your neighbors and colleagues, and to help prevent divorces thanks to the sheer bother of arguing over who owns what.”