Karl Kraus

“Es gibt Menschen, die es zeitlebens einem Bettler nachtragen, daß sie ihm nichts gegeben haben.”

“Culture is the tacit agreement to let the means of subsistence disappear behind the purpose of existence.”

“My language is the common prostitute that I turn into a virgin.”

“Ma dove troverò mai il tempo per non leggere tante cose?”

“Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.”

“In Berlin, things are serious but not hopeless. In Vienna, they are hopeless but not serious.”

“Quien calla una palabra es su dueño; quien la pronuncia es su esclavo.”

“Wo nehm ich nur all die Zeit her, so viel nicht zu lesen?”

“To be perfect, one lacks only a defect.”

“A weak man has doubts before a decision; a strong man has them afterwards.”

“Democracy means the opportunity to be everyone's slave.”

“War: first, one hopes to win; then one expects the enemy to lose; then, one is satisfied that he too is suffering; in the end, one is surprised that everyone has lost.”

“Jealousy is a dog's bark which attracts thieves.”

“How is the world ruled and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists and then believe what they read.”

“Satire that the censor understands is rightly censored.”

“I have to do this, as long as it is at all possible; for if those who are obliged to look after commas had always made sure they were in the right place, then Shanghai would not be burning.”

“There is no more unhappy being under the sun than a fetishist who pines for a boot and has to content himself with an entire woman.”

“You don't even live once.”

“Life is an effort that deserves a better cause.”

“Heinrich Heine so loosened the corsets of the German language that today every little salesman can fondle her breasts.”

“The making of a journalist: no ideas and the ability to express them.”

“The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people meaner.”

“The world is a prison in which solitary confinement is preferable.”

“Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws.”

“A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful.”

“Der Teufel ist ein Optimist, wenn er meint er könnte den Menschen schlechter machen.”

“I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up.”

“To be sure, the dog is loyal. But why, on that account, should we take him as an example? He is loyal to man, not to other dogs. ”

“How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.”

“A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.”