Kim Harrison

“Was using “dead-man’s-toe” morally okay if the man’s relatives had knowingly sold him for parts?”

“You are pathetic, Rache," Jenks said, and my eyes darted to the top of the rack and I saw him standing there, hands on his hips and frowning at me, his wings a silver blur. "Rachel and Trent, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. No wait, it was a hospital room, and he had his hands on your ass and you had your tongue down his throat. I can see why you might be confused.”

“Why?" I said, taking the paper from him as Al smiled. "If it's not what I agreed to, I will burn Al's gonads off the first chance I get. Turn around. I need to use your back for a second.""Ah, hold on a tick," Al said, snapping his fingers again and catching the new paper drifting down. "How silly of me. This is the one. Here.”

“Nina looked up, her eyes fixing on mine with such ferocity I could almost see the undead vampire in them. "There is something under here," she said, and I shivered."Yeah, we know, dirt nap," Jenks said."Rachel already told us.”

“Breaking rules isn't bad when what you're doing is more important than the rule itself”

“...Ivy’s COOK THE STEAK, DON’T STAKE THE COOK apron...”

“You need me, just whistle," he said as he arranged his ball cap over his eyes against the sun leaking through the frost-emptied branches."You're not coming?"Lifting the brim of his cap, he eyed me, "You want me to?" he asked blandly."Not really, no."He dropped the brim and laced his hands over his middle. "Then why are you bitching? It's a crime scene, not a grocery store.”

“The cookie maker needs someone to look out for him.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt some sort of dominance foreplay?”

“My mother isn't crazy. She simply has a harder time than most reconciling her reality with everyone else's reality.”

“Al was standing a bare three feet away, his mood almost jovial as he took the paper and it vanished in a wash of black sparkles. “Thank you, Rachel,” he said, carefully reaching for my hand as Trent stiffened. “Welcome back, my itchy witch.”

“Money in hand, I glanced up to find Glenn eyeing a rack of stuffed rats. As the salesman rang up my purchase, Glenn leaned close and, still staring at the rats, whispered, “What are those used for?”“I have no idea.” I got my receipt and jammed everything in my bag…Glenn surprised me by opening the car door for me, and as I settled in the seat, he leaned against the frame of the open window. “I’ll be right back,” he said, and strode inside. He was out in a moment with a small white bag. I watched him cross in front of the car—wondering. Timing himself between the traffic, he opened the door and slid in behind the wheel. “Well?” I asked as he set the package between us. “What did you get?” Glenn started the car and pulled out into traffic. “A stuffed rat.”“Oh,” I said, surprised. What the devil was he going to do with it? Even I didn’t know what it was for. I was dying to ask all the way to the FIB building but managed to keep my mouth shut even as we slipped into the cold shade of their underground parking.”

“Face it, you little cookie maker," Janks said, almost sounding fond, "In the last couple of days, you've seen what it's like to be in a family, with all the touchy tempers and irritation that goes on. Now you get to see the other side, where we do stupid stuff for each other just because we like you. Rache is the little sister. Ivy's the big sister. I'm the uncle from out of state, and your the rich nephew no one likes but we put up with you anyway because we feel sorry for you. Just let me help, huh? It won't kill you.”

“Some nasty bitch of a woman from the coven of moral and ethical standards tried to fry Rache" the pixy said apparently proud of it. "I pixed the Tink-blasted dildo, and Rache's black-arts boyfriend blew her right out the front door. "Bam!”

“Student food." His eyes went to the tomato on the sill. "Whatever's in the refrigerator over pasta.”

“I sighed. I hated the maze of bureaucracy with a passion, but I've found the best way to deal with it is to smile and act stupid. That way, no one gets confused.”

“I'm not going to stay sround to send reapers to kill people who are too scared, or frightened, or JUST PLAIN STUPID to find joy in life.”

“I have lots of faith," the fallen angel said as he crouched down and coaxed the dog closer. "I have faith that this is a bad idea. She's not going to belive you. She's going to think we're nuts. She's going to call the police unless she has a record, and if she does she'll run away.”

“Bug? You sack of sweat stink. I've got farts that smell sweeter than you. Think you're better than me? Poop ice cream cones, do you? Call me a bug! Rachel, let me do him now.”

“You bet your Grannie's Panties I will.”

“The rag he'd used to clean the table went into the fire behind him. "I saw what you are," he said, "and I was ashamed. I saw what you expect from a person, and I'd call you a bitch except you demand it from yourself as well. I saw how you see me," he explained. "It wasn't anything I didn't already know, but it made me wonder at what I lack, what isn't there.”

“Come work for me, and I’ll tell you.”My eyes went to his. “You are a thief, a cheat, a murderer, and a not-nice man,” I said calmly. “I don’t like you.”He shrugged, the motion making him look utterly harmless. “I’m not a thief,” he said. “And I don’t mind manipulating you into working for me when I need it.” He smiled, showing me perfect teeth. “I enjoy it, actually.”

“Rachel candy.”

“I won’t snatch, harm, or scare to death people with you or use checking up on you as an excuse to cause trouble. You’re worse than my mother, Rachel.”“Mine, too,” Jenks muttered.”

“From the back came an unearthly, satisfied chuckle. All I could see in the rearview mirror was a dark shadow with red goat-slitted eyes. Fear slithered through me.Shit, I have a demon in my backseat. What in hell am I playing with?“Good witch,” Al said, his voice coming from nothing, and I stifled a shudder. “You’re starting to understand.”

“Pierce jerked his hand from Trent and pushed himself straight. “Kalamack Industries,” he said, expression twisted as he wiped his hand on his pants. “I knew your father.”“I do not freaking believe this,” I said, shifting to stand where I could see both of them.Al beamed. “Amazing who you can meet in an elevator.”

“I only snatched him to get your attention,” I said. “Now that I’ve got it, this is what I want.”“Damn my dame!” Al shouted, hands raised to the ceiling. “I knew it! Not another list!”

“Al was looking at me in disbelief. “Not your lover?”“No.”“But he is Rachel candy,” Al said, his confusion too honest to be faked.”

“I smell pancakes," Al said as he jauntily smacked Pierce's hat back on the witch's head. "Did the runt make you breakfast?" Al said, leaning over the stove. "Quickest way to a woman's crotch is through her gullet, eh?" he said, leering at Pierce, who was now rinsing out the percolator. "Is it working? I'd be curious to know. I'd buy her a cake or something.”

“Uh... ," Ivy stammered, and I glanced up to see her eyes wide in consideration."I'm kidding," I said. "It passed the lethal-amulet test, remember?""Not that. You keep it in your underwear drawer?"I hesitated, wondering why I was embarrassed. "Well, where do you put your elven magic?" I asked.”

“The seraph looked up, and pain sliced through my head as our eyes met, almost blinding me. "I honor you. You can do something I cannot," it said softly. "For all I am and all I have been, you are human. You are loved for your inventiveness, both good and bad. I can kill, but you can create. You can even create...an end," it said wistfully. "That's something I will never be able to do. Accept this. Create.”

“What are you doing in Nicky's room, Rachel? Oooh! He summoned you to the west coast, didn't he? Did you kill him? Good for you taking care of that little problem? I should give you a bunny!" - Algaliarept”

“itsy-bitsy-skitsy”

“she had given me a piece of what made her life sane.”

“the mad have a grace all their own”

“Oh for the sweet humpin' love of Tink! ~ Jenks”

“I'd never seen a man who could outshop me, but Jenks was a master.”

“Tagged by a whiny little vamp," he said gesturing. "Rache, take this sword and stick it in me. Just go and stick it in me. I'm a back-drafted, crumpled-winged, dust-caked, dew-assed excuse of a backup. Worthless as a pixy condom. Taken down by my own partner. Just tape my ass shut and let me fart out my mouth.”

“We were innocent once. How could it have gone so bad?”

“Face it, you stupid little cookie maker,” Jenks said, almost sounding fond, “in the last couple of days you’ve seen what it’s like to be in a family, with all the touchy tempers and irritation that goes on. Now you get to see the other side, where we do stupid stuff for each other just because we like you. Rache is the little sister. Ivy’s the big sister. I’m the uncle from out of state, and you’re the rich nephew no one likes but we put up with you anyway because we feel sorry for you. Just let me help, huh? It won’t kill you.”

“Welcome home, Rachel mariana Morgan, he said, his goat-slitted eyes holding a new, dangerous light. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“Pierce made a calculating noise, accidentally brushing my knee as he shifted. "As Jenks would say, you snore nice."I smiled back unconvincingly. I snore nice. Not "I opine that your auditory nasal exhalations are most pleasing.”

“Numb, I took the perfectly browned puff. Okay. Let me see if I have this right. Al provokes me into defending myself. I nearly kill him. Then Newt tries to kill me, thinking I'm Ku'Sox. Al stops her, saving my life. And now we're all going to have s'mores together?”

“One person can't hold anything, but two can have the world...”

“Growing up is hard, love. Otherwise everyone would do it.”

“The car was full of unhappy people heading west. It was the Great American Family Road Trip, all right. Whaaa-hoo!”

“Tinks titties RacheJenks”

“Life was going on, and no one but a handful of people cared if I lived or died.”

“But the same things that had once attracted menow left me with a mild sense of unease. Ivy would say I was getting smarter, but I just felt…empty.”

“Rachel, Rachel, Rachel,” he said, very still and unmoving. “Always jumping to the wrong conclusion. You’re like a frog, you know.”