Lauren Hammond

“He doesn't care that I cuss like a trucker. He doesn't care that I hate dressing up. Or that I don't look like someone who stepped off the cover of some fashion magazine. Adam would never want me to be something I'm not for his sake. Now I know without a doubt that I love him because of that.”

“Most girls my age don't appreciate this kind of music. In my opinion, this is real music. It's haunting, poetic, and carefully-crafted. Not that techno teeny bopper crap that only sounds good because of all the machines the record label uses to make it.”

“On the outside, I may appear to be tough, but on the inside I'm vulnerable, just like a lot of people. I block out the part of me that allows me to feel. I numb myself using internal Novocain. People who feel always get hurt.”

“Honestly, I've never questioned that part of me. I'm perfectly content with my adequate self. I like my hazel eyes, My size eight figure and I like dressing comfortably. I don't believe that it's necessary to fancy myself up for someone else. If I want to do that, I'll do it for myself. Not for some boy.”

“A person's innocence is precious and beautiful and when you share that piece of yourself, in my opinion, it's supposed to mean something.”

“Here's what bothers me about adults. They say we're supposed to be the bigger person and lie there like road kill while the bullies repeatedly run us over. That we're saying more by taking the abuse and staying silent, than sticking up for ourselves. I don't see it that way.”

“That’s what you don’t get, Hadlee. You’re saving me too. Every second I spend with you, you save me a little more. When I’m around you, I want to better myself. I want to be a better man.”

“Don’t you think I’m just as fucked up as you are? I might even be worse.” He pulls me closer and tightens his grip around me. “All I know is that you, Hadlee Flax, are different than any other girl I’ve ever met and I’m willing to give this my all. Yes, we’ve both got issues. We’re both mentally and emotionally fucked up. But I’ve got this theory that we just might be what each other needs to make it through our broken and fucked up lives and live to see the next day.”

“Beautiful is seeing a woman smile and  the simple sight of it  nearly takes your breath away.”

“I have a moment where I finally realize that the aching heart, the longing, the grief, the insanity...I finally get it after all these month. That all those things combined are what letting go feels like.”

“I can’t promise that I’ll be able to give you everything you deserve, Adelaide.” He gazes deep into my eyes and his fingers skim my cheeks, tucking strand of black behind my ears. “But I can promise you that I’ll try.”Yes. We both have issues.And I know that if we want to overcome all of our issues the only way we’ll be able to do it, is together.”

“I take his hand and he guides me out of his study. A sinking feeling circles my gut as he closes the door. A flutter in my heart accompanies the sinking feeling.I know this feeling.I know it all too well.I’ve felt it before.It feels like you’re falling from a cliff. The air is sucked from your lungs and your stomach bottoms out. Your heart won’t stop racing and your skin puckers at the thought of someone wrapping their arms around you.Yes, I know this feeling. I know that I’m falling for Elijah Watson.And I pray that I don’t lose someone I’ve fallen for a second time.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. “This means so much to me.” Slowly, even though he doesn't realize it, Elijah is giving me so much than he ever could and he's not even spending money. He's using time. Some people think time is a waste. But not to me. Time is a gift. Something to be treasured and never taken for granted. Something that's more precious than any dollar a person could spend. Why? Because you never know how much time a person has left.It can be taken away in an instant.In a heartbeat.And I'm determined to never waste a second of mine.”

“I would have, Damien! I would have! I would have rather died a thousand painful, torturous deaths than watch you die one! I would have given up anything to go back to that day and relive it!” Damien takes a step back as I run shaky fingers through my hair. I lower my voice and cry, “When you died, I thought I lost everything. I was empty. Numb inside. And the pain...the pain of feeling my heart break over and over again was never ending. I'm sorry about what happened. I think you know that. But what I think you know more than anything is you haunting me and reminding me of what you sacrificed is the most mean-spirited thing you've ever done.” More tears well in my eyes, and I suck them back trying to be strong. “The Damien, I knew wouldn't want this for me. He wouldn't want me to live the rest of my life, loving his ghost.My Damien was too proud, good, and selfless for that.” The one thing that I forgot was that in this dream, this is not my Damien. He's a sinister, sick, and twisted version of the boy I loved. And I know this when he lunges at me, wraps both of his hands around my neck, cuts off the air in my throat, and whispers in a deadly voice, “Love me.” “No!” I bolt upright in my bed choking on air. “No!” I try to steady my breathing, but I'm too shaken up to concentrate”

“They told me the drugs would take away the pain. They told me the drugs would help me sleep.They are wrong. The pain of losing Damien hasn't gone away. And I hardly ever sleep.There's a part of me that wishes I could close my eyes and shut out the world, but I can't. I can't because I know behind my eyelids, I'll see him. He'll be there looking so fresh and alive. His skin will be vibrant with color, his blue blue eyes sparkling. He'll flash me his radiant smile and for a few minutes, I'll actually believe that he didn't die. I'll believe it and then I wake up to discover that my mind is torturing me with what could have been and I lose control of my emotions.I scream.Sob.Hug my knees to my chest.Rock back and forth.Tug at my hair.I pace the length of my shoebox room and throw myself into the padded white walls. I pray for someone or something to come along and take the pain away. I pray for someone or something to erase my memory so that I'll never have to think of Damien again. And so that I'll never have to live with the painful reminder that I am the reason he died.Damien died for me.And for love.And I'm not quite sure what else.Maybe to prove a point.”

“Because just before I arrived, he showed up on the bus. He, meaning Damien.He reminded me of the pain I'd felt when he died. He reminded me of what it's like to feel your heart explode in your chest cavity at the realization of living your life without the only person you've ever loved. And he reminded me of the promise I'd made to him months ago. I told him that I'd love him forever.That I'd never let go.But part of me wants to let go.Deep down inside I know that I can't go on loving a ghost forever. I tell myself this every day. Then I see him and I forget about having those thoughts. Because when I do see him, he looks like the Damien I met on that humid summer day, who was smirking at me, and driving his candy apple red Cadillac in reverse. When I see him he looks so vivid.So full of life.Not so...so...So dead.”

“When I arrived at Oakhill, I didn't think I was that far gone. I didn't think that the screw inside my head was that loose. But it is. And there isn't a screwdriver around anywhere to tighten it. I’m sure I had all my screws when I came here. But this place…This place will take things from you.This place makes the sane people crazy and the slightly crazy people insane.I start questioning myself.I start repeating, Is that what happened to me?”

“To most of society being crazy is like a virus. If we're out and about in public people think they can catch the craziness from us or something. It's much easier for them to separate us and forget we ever existed. Almost like being quarantined. I used to see a psychiatrist before I was brought here. I remember the way my mother's friends used to gossip about it. They wouldn't let me play with their children. It's kind of like women who are divorced nowadays. Other women don't talk to them. They're usually shunned.”A dull ache throbs in my side and I clench my fists.“It’s like we're tossed out trash.” Aurora smiles. “That's a great analogy, Adelaide.”

“I know how to make an impression. Not necessarily a good one.”

“Where's the fun in fucking if the fucker can't slam the fuckee into a wall or two?”

“Beauty is only skin deep but evil cuts straight through the soul.”

“Time is a gift. Something to be treasured and never taken for granted.”

“Addy, you are my sun, my moon, andmy stars. You are my heaven, my hell, and my earth. I'd go anywhere with you. I'd follow you anywhere.”

“Addy, living one day without you would never be for the best. I want you every minute of every day. Forever. I love you.”

“Love is a lot like humanity, neither one is perfect. I’d spent years obsessing over perfection. I’d spent years living inside a bubble thinking that perfection equals love,but it doesn’t. It’s not love unless it’s messy and wild and flawed because nothing real is perfect.”

“—¿Addy? —Hay un tono ronco en su voz y cierro mis ojos con él. Juro que puedo ver la profundidad de su alma.—¿Si?—Quiero que sepas algo. —Está bien.Él ladea su cabeza, me da un suave beso en los labios.—Solo quiero que sepas que eres mi sol, mi luna y mis estrellas. Mi cielo, mi infierno y mi tierra. Haría cualquier cosa por ti. Iría a cualquier sitio por ti. Si alguna vez me dejas, te seguiré.—Nunca tendrás que seguirme porque nunca te voy a dejar.El amor por él quema dentro de mí como una vela romana. Las llamas son vibrantes, ardientes, y el humo que despliega de la punta es sofocante. Y a pesar de que siento que no puedo respirar, si esta es la forma en que Damien me hace sentir, espero no volver a respirar.”

“Espero ese día.Espero con ansias el día en que voy a estar sonriendo desde el Cielo, preguntándome lo que hizo a mi papá ser tan enfermo, retorcido y podrido. Espero con interés el día en que lo pueda perdonar por todo lo que ha hecho y verlo desde una nube en el cielo, rezando por su alma condenada, mientras que él está bañado en llamas, y quemándose en el infierno.”

“Dos corazones latiendo.Lado a lado.Piel contra piel.Y un intenso amor inquebrantable entre dos personas que nunca morirá.”

“Soy como un remolino en medio de un mar agitado, una vez que estás en mi camino no tengo elección, te agarraré de la pierna y te hundiré.”

“He mouths something. Six words. Six words that seem too impossible to be true. Six words that bleed hope into my soul. Six words. “You’re not crazy. I love you.”

“He strangles me, squeezing my lungs with his smile, his words, and his beautiful face. He make me shiver with delight, feel safe, and sets my heart ablaze with a passionate fire that I can’t put out.”

“Sometimes love can happen in the blink of an eye. So fast that you barely notice it at first. It flickers like a tiny spark before roaring into a raging bonfire. And then it finally reaches that point you’re covered in flames. I’ve been that way for a while. I feel like I’ve been burning forever.”

“Hello, dinner. It’s me, I’m starving. And I know where you live.”

“It had been along time since I breached the surface of the world above. My parents wouldn’t allow it. So as far as I knew, the survivors that remained were savages. I’d seen a few things before our colony was built and most of the inhabitants left ran wildly through the bare, desert terrain, filth covering them from head to toe, bones protruding their leathery skin, and foam dripping from their mouths in search of one thing…Nourishment.”

“Restrictions and writing shouldn't mix. Let your mind be open. Let it be a creative canvas.”

“The voice blurs and fades, like a faint cry riding on the tails of the wind. I yawn and stretch, rolling over. I fold my pillow under my head and wait for the voice to return. When I hear nothing but the sound of my own breathing I allow myself to drift back into a dreamless slumber.”

“As our kissing progresses, I don’t care that our tryst seems raunchy and wrong. I don’t care that I’m at school, in the boy’s bathroom. I don’t care that to most people this would seem cheap, dirty, and despicable. The only thing I can think about while he kisses me deeper, harder, faster, is that Henry Garner is the plague and the only thing I want him to do is infect me.”

“My hands are in his hair and his arms wrap around my waist tighter. I know what Henry does to me. I’m space bound. A rocket about to blast off. And I want Henry to send me to the moon.”

“Then his lips caress mine. It’s only a brush, but the warmth overheats every part of me. Leaning back, my elbow bumps into the power button on the dryer and the old appliance starts moving. Spinning. Spinning like my head. Like my heart.”

“Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe I’m just as evil as he is by keeping my mouth shut. But he told me once that I was different. And I can’t help but hope that me being different is the one thing in this world that can save him from what he fears the most…Himself.”

“For a moment, I’m captivated. He’s seducing me with his eyes. A nervous flutter swims through my stomach. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat. Pounding. Constricting. I swallow hard.”

“I would change the way humans interpreted the word vampire, forever.”

“You, my dear, are a creature of the night, you are a vampire.”

“A good book will pull you in from the beginning and take you on a journey you'll never forget.”