L.D. Davis

“Well, the plenty of fish in the sea thing is bullshit," I said. "The other fish are weird, smell funny, or hooked on someone else's fishing line.”

“Coming from a guy who wasn't always nice to women, he's only going to treat you the way you let him. If you continue to be tolerant of circumstances, he's not going to have a reason to change”

“No, you started this shit. I don't know how they do it in Rhode Island, but here in Jersey, bitches get stitches for talking shit and fucking with something they shouldn't.”

“Forget the fact that he was the first person I had slept with in almost a year or that even though I was drunk I remembered it clearly (and it was effing fantastic!) Forget the fact that I had a hickey for the first time since high school on my neck under the scarf I was wearing, tied around my dumb neck.”

“You're worse than a douche bag. You're a douche puddle, the excrement of a douching.”

“I don't know which one is the real you," I said. "Are you more like Kyle the dick or Kyle the good guy?”

“Every day I am thankful for Luke, the real love of my life, my Prince Charming, my rescuer. He saved me from my biggest enemy, myself.”

“I sounded so bad ass, but I was really weak, tired, and pretty much shattered inside. If he gave me a hard time, I was going to jump across the table and try to kill him with my water bottle.”

“Wait! Did you sleep with any of my boyfriends?""No, I promise.""Okay, good," she said, relieved."I just made out with one.""You see?" Tabitha said. "She's a whore bag.""Cum bucket," Mayson nodded in agreement."You guys," Donya made a disgusted sound. "Can we save the name calling for later? I want to hear the hoe's story.”

“Why are you asking me now?" I asked. "Why didn't you ask me before?""You seemed a little...unstable," Mayson said. "Now you seem to be more like yourself...which is still...rather unstable.”

“You love me, but you don't want me," he said with such sadness, I burst into tears. While crying, I had the biggest orgasm of my life as Luke held me tighter than ever and rocked into me and climaxed with me. He wiped at my tears."I didn't mean to make you cry," he said.”

“In a cab back in Jersey, I finally answered one of thirty-three of Kyle's text messages (he called forty-seven times, I shit you not. Who does that!)”

“I couldn't tell you what was happening on the TV screen. My eyes saw the pictures, but could not register what was happening, especially since my eyes kept falling on Luke. I knew that he knew that I was watching him because he grinned and threw a cookie at me without taking his eyes off the screen.”

“I have a confession," he said softly."Oh no," I sighed. "It's not about the gloves is it?""No," he grinned, and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "I've seriously been crushing on you for about three years.""Really?" I was genuinely surprised. His asking me out a few times never equated to a crush to me. I knew he probably liked me a little, but I didn't think he had a crush on me."Okay, maybe more than crushing. I'm pretty sure I've had some pretty strong feelings for you for a long time.”

“You're making this really hard for me," he said quietly, holding my face in his hands."So maybe you should give in.""I don't want you to think that's all I want from you.""What else do you want from me?""Everything," he whispered and brushed his lips against mine.”

“Do you want me to stop?" he whispered. "If you seriously want me to stop-""No," I whispered. "Do you want me to go slow?"I shook my head. Negative."I don't want to hurt you." I pulled his face to mine and kissed him deeply and passionately.”

“He looked up at me, stuttered a few times, and then seemed to forget what he was saying altogether. I didn't say anything, or act surprised that he stopped talking. I just stared at him, feeling my heart pounding in my throat. "Wow." He said. "What?""You just left me speechless.”

“I haven't slept with him, Mom." I whispered, lying through my teeth. I just didn't want to discuss my sex life with her. She would probably critique my oral skills or something."I should have known. You don't sleep with anybody. That's why you can't keep a man.”

“You can take care of him," she insisted. This was madness. This was a true example of temporary insanity."I can't.""Why not?" She demanded."Umm...I don't...like..." I couldn't say diapers. I had my own baby! "I don't like... black... babies...”

“I love you, Emmy, scars and all.”

“Anyone who can rationalize love through intellect, has no idea what love is, for it is an emotion, and cannot be rationalized. For love is crazy.”

“You're flying to Chicago to get drunk and have other women shake their boobs in your face.""If it bothers you, I won't go," he said seriously."No," I kicked at the table leg. "It doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm just jealous.""Jealous? You're not the jealous type.""Maybe I want boobs shaken in my face.”

“Dad, why did you marry a crazy woman?" I asked after the usual pleasantries. "I didn't know she was crazy before I married her. By the time I found out, she was already knocked up and it was too late.”

“Who lives in a pineapple under your jeans?" He sang softly. "SpongeBob booty pants!" He ended his little song with a soft slap to my rear.”