Leigh Bardugo

“Mal snickered. "What's so funny?""I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him.”

“I have loved you all my life, Mal,” I whispered through my tears. “There is no end to our story.”

“And there's nothing wrong with being a lizard either. Unless you were born to be a hawk.”

“So I'd made my choice. I'd pushed my power down and held it there each day, with all my energy and will, without ever realizing it. I'd used up every bit of myself to keep that secret.”

“Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable. Oh, and sorry I fell in love with you for a while there.”

“I've been waiting for you a long time, Alina" He said. "You and I are going to change the world.”

“A moment later the boy whispered, "I don't think you're ugly.""Shhhh!" the girl hissed. But hidden by the deep shadows of the cupboard, she smiled”

“I hope you don’t expect fairness from me, Alina. It isn’t one of my specialties.”

“You’re shaking,” he said.“I’m not used to people trying to kill me.”“Really? I hardly notice anymore.”

“Just you and me.""Really?""It's always just you and me, Alina.”

“So I'm the Darkling's prisoner?""You're under his protection.""What's the difference?""Pray you never find out.”

“Get moving. We need to find that stag so I don’t have to chop your head off.”“I never said you had to chop my head off,” I grumbled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and stumbling after him.“Run you through with a sword, then? Firing squad?”“I was thinking something quieter, like maybe a nice poison.”“All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how.”I stuck my tongue out at his back, but I was glad to see him so energized, and I suppose it was a good thing that he could joke about it all. At least, I hoped he was joking.”

“C’mon,” he said. “One foot in front of the other. You know how it’s done”“You’re interfering with my plan.”“Oh really?”“Yes. Faint, get trampled, grievous injuries all around.”“That sounds like a brilliant plan.”“Ah, but if I’m horribly maimed, I won’t be able to cross the Fold.”Mal nodded slowly. “I see. I can shove you under a cart if that would help.”

“The problem with wanting," he whispered, his mouth trailing along my jaw until it hovered over my lips, "is that it makes us weak.”

“The woods were silent in their grief.”

“There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings, and even Darklings. Do you know what that thing is?”I shook my head, inching away from him.“Faith,” he breathed, his black eyes wild. “Faith.”

“It’s a great honor,” said Fedyor. “To save a life. You saved many.”

“You begged me for clemency once," he called over the dead reaches of the Fold, over the hungry shrieks of the horrors he had made. "Is this your idea of mercy?" Another bullet hit the sand, only inches from us. Yes, I thought as the power rose up inside me, the mercy you taught me.”

“I told him the story of the day I'd been mending pottery with one of the maids in the kitchen at Keramzin, waiting for him to return from one of the hunting trips that had taken him from home more and more frequently. I'd been fifteen, standing at the counter, vainly trying to glue together the jagged pieces of a blue cup. When I saw him crossing the fields, I ran to the doorway and waved. He caught sight of me and broke into a jog.I had crossed the yard to him slowly, watching him draw closer, baffled by the way my heart was skittering around in my chest. Then he'd picked me up and swung me in a circle, and I'd clung to him, breathing in his sweet, familiar smell, shocked by how much I'd missed him. Dimly, I'd been aware that I still had a shard of that blue cup in my hand, that it was digging into my palm, but I didn't want to let go.When he finally set me down and ambled off into the kitchen to find his lunch, I had stood there, my palm dripping in blood, my head still spinning, knowing that everything had changed.Ana Kuya had scolded me for getting blood on the clean kitchen floor. She'd bandaged my hand and told me it would heal. But I knew it would just go on hurting.”

“Mal,” I whispered into the night.“What?”“Thanks for finding me.”I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming, but somewhere in the dark, I thought I heard him whisper, “Always.”

“People, particularly big men carrying big rifles, don't expect lip from a scrawny thing like me. They always look a bit dazed when they get it.”

“I stood up, knocking my chair back with a clatter. 'This is a waste of time.''Is it? What else do you have to do with your days? Make maps? Fetch inks for some old cartographer?''There's nothing wrong with being a mapmaker.''Of course not. And there's nothing wrong with being a lizard either. Unless you were born to be a hawk.”

“Did you miss me, Alina? Did you miss me when you were gone?""Every day," I said hoarsely."I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I'd catch myself walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I'd seen something I wanted to tell you about, or because I just wanted to hear your voice. And then I'd realize that you weren't there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me. I've risked my life for you. I've walked half the length of Ravka for you, and I'd do it again and again and again just to be with you, just to starve with you and freeze with you and hear you complain about hard cheese every day. So don't tell me we don't belong together," he said fiercely. He was very close now, and my heart was suddenly hammering in my chest. "I'm sorry it took me so long to see you, Alina. But I see you now.”

“It's probably for the best, I told myself. How would I have said goodbye to Mal anyway? Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable. Oh, and sorry I fell in love with you for a while there. Make sure to write!'What are you smiling at?'I whirled, peering into the gloom. The Darkling's voice seemed to float out of the shadows. He walked down to the stream, crouching on the bank to splash water on his face and through his dark hair.'Well?' he asked, looking up at me.'Myself,' I admitted.'Are you that funny?''I'm hilarious.”

“Too much champagne?” “Maybe.” “Silly girl,” she said, looping her arm through mine. “There’s no such thing as too much champagne. Though your head will try to tell you otherwise tomorrow.”

“Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark?”

“Why can a Grisha possess but one amplifier? I will answer this question instead: What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men.”

“You're very welcome," she said, giving my hair a hard tug. "You should be used to being gawked at by now.""And yet I'm not.""Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I'll get up on the banquet table, toss my skirt over my head, and do a little dance. That way no one will be looking at you.”

“I hate hiding how much the stupid things he did hurt me, but I hated the idea of him finding out even more.”

“I thought the love I'd had for him belonged to the past, to the foolish, lonely girl I never wanted to be again. I'd tried to bury that girl and the love she'd felt, just as I'd tried to bury my power. But I wouldn't make that mistake again.”

“The first time I'd entered the Fold, I'd feared the darkness and my own death. Now, darkness was nothing to me, and I knew that soon death would seem like a gift. I'd always known I would have to return to the Unsea, but as I looked back, I realized that some part of me had anticipated it.”

“I didn't think he was in love with me and I had no idea what I felt for him, but he wanted me, and maybe that was enough.”

“How did you fare with the Queen?" he asked."I have no idea," I said honestly. "Everything she said was perfectly nice, but the whole time she was looking at me as if I were something her dog spit up.”

“The stag had been showing me my strength-not just the price of mercy but the power it bestowed. And mercy was something the Darkling would never understand.”

“I had spared the stag's life. The power of that life belonged to me as surely as it belonged to the man who had taken it.”

“I'm sorry it took me so long to see you, Alina. But I see you now.”

“Then the memory of the Darkling's kiss blew through me and rattled my concentration, scattering my thoughts like leaves and making my heart swoop and dive like a bird borne aloft by uncertain currents.”

“The tears that had been threatening to overflow finally did, coursing down my cheeks. I wanted to run after him, to take back what I'd said, to beg him to stay, but I'd spent my life running after Mal. Instead, I stood in silence and let him go.”

“The thought filled me with grief, grief for the dreams we'd shared, for the love I'd felt, for the hopeful girl I would never be again.”

“I had crossed the yard to him slowly, watching him draw closer, baffled by the way my heart was skittering around my chest. Then he'd picked me up and spun me in a circle, and I'd clung to him, breathing in his sweet, familiar smell, shocked by how much I'd missed him. Dimly, I'd been aware that I still had a shard of the blue cup in my hand, that it was digging into my palm, but I didn't want to let go.When he finally set me down and ambled off to the kitchen to find his lunch, I stood there, my palm dripping blood, my head still spinning, knowing that everything had changed.Ana Kuya had scoled me for getting blood on the clean kitchen floor. She'd bandaged my hand and told me it would heal. But I knew it would just go on hurting.In the creaking silence of the cell, Mal kissed the scar on my palm, the wound made so long ago by the edge of that broken cup, a fragile thing I'd thought beyond repair.”

“I'm not like you, Mal. I never really fit in the way that you did. I never belonged anywhere.""You belonged with me," he said quietly."No, Mal. Not really. Not for a long time.”

“Good luck,” I said automatically and then wanted to kick myself. Good luck? Have a lovely time, Mal. Hope you find a pretty Grisha, fall deeply in love, and make lots of gorgeous disgustingly talented babies together.I sat frozen on the steps, watching them disappear down the path, still feeling the warm pressure of Mal’s hand in mine. Oh well, I thought as I got to my feet. Maybe he’ll fall into a ditch on his way there.”

“She's an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that's turned.""And so skinny!" the cook replied. "Never finishes her supper."Crouched beside the girl, the boy turned to her and whispered, "Why don't you eat?""Because everything she cooks tastes like mud.""Tastes fine to me.""You'll eat anything."They bent their ears back to the crack in the cupboard doors.A moment later the boy whispered, "I don't think you're ugly.""Shhhh!" the girl hissed. But hidden by the deep shadows of the cupboard, she smiled.”

“They are orphans again, with no true home but each other and whatever life they can make together on the other side of the sea.”

“I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I'd catch myself just walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I'd seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I'd realize that you weren't there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me. I've risked my life for you. I've walked half the length of Ravka for you, and I'd do it again and again and again just to be with you, just to starve with you and freeze with you and hear you complain about hard cheese every day. So don't tell me why we don't belong together," he said fiercely.”

“This was his soul made flesh, the truth of him laid bare in the blazing sun, shorn of mystery and shadow. This was the truth behind the handsome face and the miraculous powers, the truth that was the dead and empty space between the stars, a wasteland peopled by frightened monsters.”

“The moment our lips met, I knew with pure and piercing certainty that I would have waited for him forever.”

“Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every girl I tumbled? For every dumb thing I've said? Because if we start running tallies on stupid, you know who's going to come out ahead.”

“I don't care if you danced naked on the roof of the Little Palace with him. I love you, Alina, even the part of you that loved him.”