Lily Tomlin

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”

“We’re all in this together alone.”

“I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.”

“All my life I always wanted to be someone. I see now I should have been more specific.”

“Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.”

“So if you've had a good time tonight, or if you've had a good time any night, for gosh sake's why not drop a dollar in the mail to me?”

“Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.”

“Sometimes i worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”

“I always wanted to be something, but now I see I should have been more specific.”

“Growing up in Michigan was fine...until I realized where I was.”

“Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol.”

“After all, in private, we're all misfits”

“Just remember, we're all in this alone.”

“Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.”

“Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.”

“I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.”

“Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”

“Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?”

“Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”

“We're all in this alone.”

“No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.”

“I said "Somebody should do something about that." Then I realized I am somebody.”

“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?”

“If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed!”

“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”

“Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?”

“The road to success is always under construction”

“The best mind altering drug is the truth.”

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. ”

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”

“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”

“Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”

“The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”