Linda Wisdom

“We've survived the Black Plague, the Titanic, and Pearl Harbor just to name a few. Not to mention the Disco Period.”

“What did he do? Channel Vincent Price and transport the Tower of London'to the Hollywood Hills?”

“The blinding colors on his tie resembled a Rorschach test and prompted Jazz to slip on her sunglasses.”

“...and a new dress because her asshole husband had bought an ugly funeral outfit she was stuck in for eternity”

“Some things can’t be ignored. You can only conquer your past if you choose to face it.”

“The last time I had PMS a roast chicken popped out of the oven and danced the Macarena.Krebs had walked in just as the chicken started dancing. By then he was pretty much used to anything and only asked if the chicken shouldn’t be doing the Chicken Dance instead.”

“If you would only be willing to take the time to truly get to know me. I know that we would spawn beautiful offspring together, my lovely Jazz.I could give you riches you can only imagine. I have much to offer a beauty like you.” She felt her smile tremble on her lips, then lost her hard-won control. “I would rather eat dead rotting flesh,” she replied, her disgust winning out over her fear of insulting him. His eyes lit up at her words and bright-red gas literally crawled up his back making the dead fish scent of the wharves smell like French perfume. “You do not know my kind as well as you pretend to, my sexy Jazz. You just spoke of our most popular aphrodisiac.”

“No honking the horn or flashing the lights because you get bored,” she warned Irma. “Dweezil’s threatened to blow up the car if you throw a tantrum out here. He said you freak out the customers when you do that.” “The man who looks like an olive claims I freak people out?” She gestured to a troll that exited the office. “Oh yes, I’m the odd one here.” Jazz swallowed her laughter. The last thing she needed to do was encourage the irascible ghost.”

“But I don’t wanna go to the grocery store!” Her forehead connected with the table’s surface. “It’s a mean nasty place with soccer moms blocking the aisles as they talk to their friends or on their cell phones, kids running and screaming all over the place.AndFred,theproduceguy,fondleshismelons 5o ways to hex your lover 45 while looking at mine. And I’m not allowed to zap any of them!” she moaned. “It’s so not fair!”

“Fool witch once, shame on you. Fool witch twice, oozing sores and an eternal rash in private areas.”

“Love shouldn't be binding, but freeing.”