Lisa Lutz

“It's not like I didn't think I had any demons. I did, but I could name them- and even provide an address and telephone number for each. As far as I was concerned, those demons could go to therapy instead of me.”

“David's brow unfurled and he crouched down on the floor with his daughter. 'Did you have a fun time with your aunt Izzy?' he asked in a high squeaky voice.Sydney stared at him blankly.'Say good morning to Aunt Izzy.'Sydney stared at me blankly.'Remember me from last night?' I asked.'Did you have fun?' Maggie asked.'I wouldn't go that far,' I replied.'I was actually talking to Sydney, Maggie said.'Oh well, she'd probably agree. We had an okay time, didn't we, Sydney?''Why can't you talk to her like a normal person?' asked David. 'I'm the only one talking to her like a normal person. You sound like a eunuch.”

“You know what I'm thinking?' Maggie said.I had no idea.'Nope,' David replied. Apparently David didn't know either.Maggie turned to me with pleading eyes.'Our babysitter has the flu.''I'm sorry to hear that,' I replied.Dead silence.I honestly had no idea what Maggie was getting at, so I misread the silence.'It's not serious, I hope,' I said sympathetically.”

“I don't have any kids, so I'm not as worried about my heirs as the rest of you, but still: I think the youth of tomorrow might be better off if they knew the physical sensation of cracking a spine and turning the page.”

“I was angry, but I was also tired and devastated by the idea that I would have to spend another four hours trying to reassemble some obnoxious feel-good movie that had done nothing but make me feel bad. I did what any tough, self-reliant, overburdened, sleep-deprived, seasoned investigator would do: I cried.”

“But the most valuable lesson he taught me was this: Every day we get older, and some of us get wiser, but there's no end to our evolution. We are all a mess of contradictions; some of our traits work for us, some against us.”

“Somebody is always hiding something.”

“Stop looking at me like that."Sorry, I just wanted to savor the moment," Mom replied.What moment?" I asked.You're in first place," she said, and then began washing the windows.”

“If people really grew up, there would be no crime, no divorce, no Civil War reenactors....it's not like you think it will be, that one day you'll wake up and realize that you've got things figured out. You never figure it out. Ever." - Isabel Spellman attempting to explain growing up to her sister Rae”

“I don't mind losing. Losing is like breathing to me.”

“Milo refreshed Rae's drink and said, Talk to her. You need to get it off your chest." Then Milo turned to me and said, "Why don't you try a more subtle approach.""I demand you tell me your troubles," I said to my sister."You're not as funny as you think you are," Rae replied.”

“The latter. She had a good run," Sook said, doing a little shrug. It was his usual response to death at Mapleshade, and it was a safe bet that he felt that way about himself. Like most twice-widowed, Korea-vet, nature-loving, gun-enthusiast, bilingual, weed-connoisseur great grandfathers of five, he'd lived a full life.”

“I entered his apartment without being invited, which is perfectly fine if you're not a vampire.”

“I refuse to have a life partner who spends his days pretending to be on a BBC show.”

“The next week she withheld my paycheck until I signed a document (drafted by David) in which I promised not to marry Connor. Ever. I signed the document, took the check, and had David draft another document forbidding all Spellmans to practice any form of blackmail. David tried to explain to me that a contract in which you promise not to break the law is ultimately redundant, but I didn't care.”

“ISABEL: Sorry I missed my session Monday.DR. RUSH: Would you like to tell me why?ISABEL: I was depressed.DR. RUSH: That's a good reason to come to therapy.”

“I'm staying," Henry said, annoyed."Why?""Because, if I leave, it would be like abandoning two mentally challenged people in a nuclear waste dump.”

“You're a terrible cook, Daniel.""I know," he replied, "But it's the effort that counts.""I hope that's not the slogan for your dental practice.”

“What's her name?""None of your business.""That can't possibly be her name.”

“She suspects her husband, Jake, might be gay." "Did you suggest she ask him?"Mom laughed. "Of course not. Business is slow.”

“I knew immediately that this was not going to work out. Hunter is the kind of guy who dates women who wear high heels and a cocktail dress on a first date. I can't even walk in heels, and I generally believe that someone has to earn the right to see my legs.”

“No one is going to abduct me, Rae.""That's what all abductees say.”

“....You should keep dental floss on you at all times; when your eyesight goes, quit driving; don't keep too many secrets, eventually they'll eat away at you. But the most valuable lesson he taught me was this: Every day we get older, and some of us get wiser, but there's no end to our evolution. We are all a mess of contradictions; some of our traits work for us, some against us. And this is what I figured out on my own: Over the course of a lifetime, people change, but not as much as you'd think. Nobody really grows up.”

“If you haven't said 'I love you' to someone today, do it. You won't always be happy, but you should try to be. Don't be too afraid of germs. Those people have no fun. Remember to look around sometimes. You might see something you haven't seen before or at the very least avoid being hit by a flying object. Speaking of flying objects, don't spend your life looking for extraterrestrial life, unless you work for NASA. Remember that you always have to cooperate with someone. Life is an endless negotiation. Play fair. Stay out of jail. Don't live in the past. Eat breakfast. It really is the most important meal of the day. Try to make new friends, even when you think you're too old to do that. ...And finally, remember this" 'Yes' is always a better work than 'no'. Unless, of course, someone has just asked you to commit a felony.”

“My father insisted that the boys in my life were directly responsible for my juvenile-delinquent tendencies.My mother, more accurately, assumed that I was the bad influence.”

“I liked finding dirt on people. It made all my trespasses seem trivial.”

“I have a weakness for tough guys who read.”

“Your father and I haven't had this much quality time since our honeymoon.""So what?""So, what if we can't stand each other?”

“Mrs. Chandler shouted after us, "And I hope that was all-natural food coloring you put on my dog!”

“While he bore no real resemblance to anyone in my family, his features were a collection of my mother's and father's best attributes, with a few of Gregory Peck's thrown in.”

“His sense of humor is purely cheap vaudeville, yet everyone falls for it.”

“Our ability to adapt is amazing. Our ability to change isn't quite as spectacular.”

“We knew we were doomed. The kiss was a warm acceptance of years of bickering, years of me consuming foods that I found barely edible and Henry tidying up after someone who already thought she had tidied up. When I kissed Henry I wasn't imagining Ex-boyfriend #13; I was picturing Husband #1.”