Mark Haddon

“She cannot remember her mother's face... This is the woman who brought her into the world... This is the woman her father loved. Yet every time she turns her mind's eye in her mother's direction she sees only the men she is talking to, the children she is playing with, the maids to whom she is giving orders... She begins to realise how alike they are, she and her mother, these blank sheets on which men have written their stories, the white space between the words, making all their achievements possible and contributing nothing to the meaning.”

“It was 7 minutes after midnight. The dog was lying on the grass in the middle of the lawn in front of Mrs. Shears's house.”

“people believe in God because the world is very complicated and they think it is very unlikely that anything as complicated as a flying squirrel or the human eye or a brain could happen by chance.”

“But in life you have to take lots of decisions and if you don't take decisions you would never do anything because you would spend all your time choosing between things you could do. So it is good to have a reason why you hate some things and you like others.”

“I did know what it meant when you say you promise something. You have to say that you will never do something again and then you must never do it because that would make the promise a lie.”

“Some people think the Milky Way is a long line of stars, but it isn't. Our galaxy is a huge disk of stars millions of light-years across, and the solar system is somewhere near the outside edge of the disk.”

“I numeri primi sono ciò che rimane una volta eliminati tutti gli schemi: penso che i numeri primi siano come la vita. Sono molto logici ma non si riesce mai a scoprirne le regole, anche se si passa tutto il tempo a pensarci su”

“... I will get a First Class Honors degree and I will become a scientist... And I know I can do this because I went to London on my own, and because I solved the mystery of Who Killed Wellington? and I found my mother and I was brave and I wrote a book and that means I can do anything.”

“... why I like timetables, because they make sure I don't get lost in time.”

“... a rhetorical question. It has a question mark at the end, but you are not meant to answer it because the person who is asking it already knows the answer.”

“Reading is primarily a symptom. Of a healthy imagination, of our interest in this and other worlds, of our ability to be still and quiet, of our ability to dream during daylight.”

“...most people are almost blind and they don’t see most things and there is lots of spare capacity in their heads and it is filled with things which aren’t connected and are silly, like, “I’m worried that I might have left the gas cooker on.”

“Quando avrò una laurea in matematica, o in fisica, o in matematica e fisica, troverò un lavoro e guadagnerò un sacco di soldi e sarò in grado di pagare qualcuno che si occupi di me e cucini per me e mi lavi i vestiti, oppure troverò una donna che mi sposi e si prenda cura di me, che mi faccia un po’ di compagnia per non rimanere da solo.”

“Di solito non parlo con gli sconosciuti. Non mi piace parlare con chi non conosco. E non per via della famosa frasa Non Dare Confidenza Agli Sconosciuti che ci ripetono continuamente a scuola, che tradotto vuol dire non accettare caramelle o un passaggio da uno sconosciuto perché vuole fare sesso con te. Non è questo che mi preoccupa. Se un estraneo mi toccassse lo colpirei immediatamente, e io so colpire molto forte. Come per esempio quella volta che ho preso a pugni Sarah perché mi aveva tirato i capelli e l’ho fatta svenire e le è venuta una commozione cerebrale e avevano dovuto portarla al pronto soccorso. E poi ho sempre con me il mio coltellino svizzero che ha una lama a seghetto in grado di tranciare le dita a un uomo.Non mi piacciono gli estranei perché non mi piacciono le persone che non conosco. Sono difficili da capire. È come essere in Francia, dove andavamo qualche volta in campeggio quando mio madre era ancora viva. E io odiavo la Francia perché se entravo in un negozio o in un ristorante o andavo in spiaggia non capivo quel che dicevano, e la cosa mi terrorizzava.Ci metto un sacco di tempo per abituarmi alle persone che non conosco. Per esempio, quando c’è una persona nuova che viene a lavorare a scuola non le parlo per settimane e settimane. Rimango a osservarla finché non sono certo di potermi fidare. Poi le faccio delle domande su di lei, sulla sua vita, del tipo se ha degli animali e qual è il suo colore preferito e cosa sa dell’Apollo e le chiedo di disegnarmi una piantina della sua casa e voglio sapere che macchina ha, così imparo a conoscerla. Da quel momento in poi non mi preoccupo più se mi capita di trovarmi nella stessa stanza con questa persona e non sono più obbligato a stare all’erta.”

“A scuola la signora Forbes mi disse che quando mia madre era morta era volata in cielo. Mi aveva raccontato questa cosa perché la signora Forbes è molto vecchia e crede nell’aldilà. Porta sempre i pantaloni della tuta perché sostiene che sono molto più comodi dei pantaloni normali. E ha una gamba leggermente più corta dell’altra a causa di un incidente in moto.Quando mia madre è morta, però, non è andata in cielo perché il cielo non esiste.Il marito della signora Peters è un prete che tutti chiamano il Reverendo Peters, e ogni tanto viene a trovarci a scuola per parlare un po’ con noi; un giorni gli chiesi dove fosse il cielo. - Non è nella nostra galassia. È un luogo a sè, - rispose.Qualche volta il Reverendo Peters emette uno strano verso mentre pensa, una specie di ticchettio con la lingua. E fuma e si sente l’odore delle sigarette mentre tespira e a me dà fastidio.Dissi che non c’era niente fuori dall’universo e che non poteva esistere un luogo a sè. A meno che non si attraversi un buco nero, ma un buco nero è ciò che si definisce una Singolarità, che significa che è impossibile scoprire cosa c’è dall’altra parte perché la forza di gravità di un buco nero è talmente potente che persino le onde elettromagnetiche come la luce non riescono a sfuggirle, e le onde elettromagnetiche sono il mezzo attraverso il quale riceviamo le informazioni su tutto ciò che è lontano da noi. Se il cielo si trovasse dall’altro lato di un buco nero i morti dovrebbero essere scaraventati nello spazio su dei razzi per arrivare fin lassù e così non è, altrimenti la gente se ne accorgerebbe.Penso che le persone credano nell’aldilà perché detestano l’idea di morire, perché vogliono continuare a vivere e odiano pensare che altri loro simili possano trasferirsi in casa loro e buttare tutte le loro cose nel bidone della spazzatura.Il Reverendo Peters spiegò: - Be’, quando dico che il cielo è fuori dall’universo è solo un modo di dire. Immagino che ciò che significa veramente è che i defunti sono con Dio.- Ma Dio dov’è?Allora il Reverendo Peters tagliò corto dicendo che avremmo fatto meglio a discuterne in un altro momento, quando avessimo avuto più tempo a disposizione.Ciò che di fatto avviene quando una persona muore è che il cervello smette di funzionare e il corpo si decompone, come quando morí Coniglio e noi lo seppellimmo in fondo al giardino. E tutte le sue molecole si frantumarono in altre molecole e si sparsero nella terra e vennero mangiate dai vermi e defluirono nelle piante, e se tra 10 anni andremo a scavare nello stesso punto non troveremo altro che il suo scheletro. E tra 1000 anni anche il suo scheletro sarà scomparso. Ma va bene ugualmente perché adesso lui è parte dei fiori e del melo e del cespuglio di biancospino.Quando una persona muore qualche volta viene messa in una bara, che significa che il suo corpo non si unirà alla terra per moltissimo tempo, finché anche il legno della bara non marcirà.Mia madre però fu cremata. Questo vuol dire che è stata messa in una bara e bruciata e polverizzata per poi trasformarsi in cenere e fumo. Non so cosa capiti alla cenere e non potei fare domande al cimitero perché non andai al funerale. Però so che il fumo esce da lcamino e si disperde nell’aria e allora qualche volta guardo il cielo e penso che ci siano delle molecole di mia madre lassù, o nelle nuvole sopra l’Africa o l’Antartico, oppure che scendano sotto forma di pioggia nelle foreste pluviali del Brasile, o si trasformino in neve da qualche parte, nel mondo.”

“Decisi che avrei scoperto chi aveva ucciso Wellington, anche se mio padre mi aveva ordinato di non ficcare il naso negli affari degli altri.Perché non faccio sempre quello che mi dicono di fare.Perché quando qualcuno mi dà degli ordini, di solito sono cose che mi confondono e che non hanno nessun senso.Per esempio quando dicono “Sta’ zitto”, ma non specificano per quanto tempo devi stare zitto. Oppure se su un cartello vedi NON CALPESTARE IL PRATO, in realtà dovrebbe esserci scritto NON CALPESTARE IL PRATO INTORNO A QUESTO CARTELLO oppure NON CALPESTARE IL PRATO DI QUESTO PARCO, perché invece ci sono molti prati su cui si può camminare.La gente non rispetta mai le regole. Mio padre per esempio va a più di 90 chilometri all’ora nelle strade dove non si devono superare i 90 chilometri all’ora, e qualche volta guida dopo aver bevuto e spesso non si mette la cintura di sicurezza quando prende il furgone. E nella Bibbia si legge Non uccidere, ma ci sono state le Crociate e due Guerre Mondiali e la Guerra del Golfo e in ognuna di queste guerre dei Cristiani hanno ucciso dei loro simili.E poi non lo capisco, quando dice “Non ficcare il naso negli affari degli altri”, perché non so cosa sono gli “affari degli altri”; io faccio un mucchio di cose con “gli altri”, a scuola, nel negozio e sul pulmino, e il suo lavoro consiste nell’andare a casa di altre persone e riparare i loro scaldabagni e l’impianto di riscaldamento. Anche questo vuol dire farsi gli affari degli altri.Siobhan mi capisce. Quando mi ordina di non fare una cosa mi dice esattamente cos’è che non devo fare. Così mi piace.Per esempio una volta mi ha detto: - Non devi mai prendere a pugni Sarah o picchiarla in nessun modo, Christopher. Anche se è lei a colpirti per prima. Se succede di nuovo, allontanati, rimani immobile e conta da 1 a 50, poi vieni da me a raccontarmi cosa ha fatto o parlane con qualche altro insegnante.Un’altra volta mi ha detto: - Se vuoi andare sull’altalena e c’è sempre qualcuno sopra, non spingerlo via. Chiedi se puoi fare un giro anche tu. E poi aspetta fino a quando non ha finito.Gli altri però quando ti danno un ordine non si comportano in questo modo. E allora sono io a decidere cosa fare e cosa non fare.”

“Io non racconto mai bugie. Mia madre diceva sempre che dipendeva dal fatto che sono una brava persona. Invece non dipende dal fatto che sono una brava persona. È così perché non sono capace di raccontare bugie.”

“Siobhan dice che se si solleva un sopracciglio, questo gesto può significare molte cose differenti. Può voler dire: “Voglio fare sesso con te”, ma può anche essere inteso come: “Hai appena detto una cosa veramente stupida”.”

“…penso che i numeri primi siano come la vita. Sono molto logici ma non si riesce mai a scoprirne le regole, anche se si passa tutto il tempo pensarci su.”

“…i cani sono fedeli e non dicono bugie perché non sanno parlare.”

“...and I went into the garden and lay down and looked at the stars in the sky and made myself negligible.”

“And Siobhan says people go on holidays to see new things and relax, but it wouldn’t make me relaxed and you can see new things by looking at earth under a microscope or drawing the shape of the solid made when 3 circular rods of equal thickness intersect at right angles. And I think that there are so many things just in one house that it would take years to think about all of them properly. And also, a thing is interesting because of thinking about it and not because of it being new.”

“When people die they are sometimes put into coffins, which means that they don't mix with the earth for a very long time until the wood of the coffin rots. But Mother was cremated. This means that she was put into a coffin and burned and ground up and turned into ash and smoke. I do not know what happens to the ash and I couldn't ask at the creamatorium because I didn't go to the funeral. But the smoke goes out of the chimney and into the air and sometimes I look up and I think that there are molecules of Mother up there, or in clouds over Africa or the Antarctic, or coming down as rain in the rain forests in Brazil, or snow somewhere.”

“What actually happens when you die is that your brain stops working and your body rots, like Rabbit did when he died and we buried him in the earth at the bottom of the garden. And all his molecules were broken down into other molecules and they went into the earth and were eaten by worms and went into the plants and if we go and dig in the same place in 10 years there will be nothing exept his skeleton left. And in 1,000 years even his skeleton will be gone. But that is all right because he is a part of the flowers and the apple tree and the hawthorn bush now.”

“Metaphors are lies.”

“You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.”

“At teenage parties he was always wandering into the garden, sitting on a bench in the dark . . . staring up at the constellations and pondering all those big questions about the existence of God and the nature of evil and the mystery of death, questions which seemed more important than anything else in the would until a few years passed and some real questions had been dumped into your lap, like how to earn a living, and why people fell in and out of love, and how long you could carry on smoking and then give up without getting lung cancer.”

“He had always thought of solitary diners as sad. But now that he was the solitary diner, he felt rather superior. On account of the book, mostly. Learning something while everyone else was wasting time. Like working at night.”

“How often did he feel it now, this gorgeous, furtive seclusion? In the bath sometimes, maybe. Though Jean failed to understand his need for periodic isolation and regularly dragged him back to earth mid-soak by hammering on the locked door in search of bleach or dental floss.”

“It was true. There really was no limit to the ways in which you could say the wrong thing to your children. You offered an olive branch and it was the wrong olive branch at the wrong time.”

“And something happened in Katie's heart, and she realized it wasn't just two people being joined together, not even two families. She felt as if she were joining hands with everyone who'd done this before her, just as she'd done after giving birth to Jacob, a feeling that she finally belonged, that she was part of the whole enterprise, a brick in that great arch which rose out of the dark behind you and swung over your head and curved into the future, and she was helping to keep it strong and solid, and helping to protect everyone beneath it.”

“I cooked his meals. I cleaned his clothes. I looked after him every weekend. I look after him when he was ill. I took him to the doctor. I worried myself sick everytime he wandered off somewhere at night. I went to school every time he got into a fight. And you? What? You wrote him some fucking letters.”

“Sometimes we get sad about things and we don't like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes, we are sad but we really don't know why we are sad, so we say we aren't sad but we really are.”

“I like dogs. You always know what a dog is thinking. It has four moods. Happy, sad, cross and concentrating. Also, dogs are faithful and they do not tell lies because they cannot talk.”

“I do not tell lies. Mother used to say that this was because I was a good person. But it is not because I am a good person. It is because I do not tell lie.”

“What they failed to teach you at school was that the whole business of being human just got messier and more complicated as you got older. You could tell the truth, be polite, take everyone's feelings into consideration and still have to deal with other people's shit. At nine or ninety.”

“And because there is something they can’t see people think it has to be special, because people always think there is something special about what they can’t see, like the dark side of the moon, or the other side of a black hole, or in the dark when they wake up at night and they’re scared.”

“A lie is when you say something happened which didn't happen. But there is only ever one thing which happened at a particular time and a particular place. And there are an infinite number of things which didn't happen at that time and that place. And if I think about something which didn't happen I start thinking about all the other things which didn't happen.For example, this morning for breakfast I had Ready Brek and some hot raspberry milkshake. But if I say that I actually had Shreddies and a mug of tea I start thinking about Coco-Pops and lemonade and Porridge and Dr Pepper and how I wasn't eating my breakfast in Egypt and there wasn't a rhinoceros in the room and Father wasn't wearing a diving suit and so on and even writing this makes me feel shaky and scared, like I do when I'm standing on the top of a very tall building and there are thousands of houses and cars and people below me and my head is so full of all these things that I'm afraid that I'm going to forget to stand up straight and hang onto the rail and I'm going to fall over and be killed.This is another reason why I don't like proper novels, because they are lies about things which didn't happen and they make me feel shaky and scared.And this is why everything I have written here is true.”

“I see everything.”

“I find people confusing.”

“MiaowConsider me.I sit here like Tiberius,inscrutable and grand.I will let "I dare not"wait upon "I would"and bear the twanglingof your small guitarbecause you are my owland foster me with milk.Why wet my paw?Just keep me in a bagand no one knows the truth.I am familiar with witchesand stand a better chance in hell than youfor I can dance on hot bricks,leap your heightand land on all fours.I am the servant of the Living God.I worship in my way. Look into these slit green stonesand follow your reflected lights into the dark.Michel, Duc de Montaigne, knew.You don't play with me.I play with you.”

“A Rough GuideBe polite at the reception desk.Not all the knives are in the museum.The waitresses know that a nice boyis formed in the same way as a deckchair.Pay for the beer and send flowers.Introduce yourself as Richard.Do not refer to what somebody didat a particular time in the past.Remember, every Friday we used to gofor a walk. I walked. You walked.Everything in the past is irregular.This steak is very good. Sit down.There is no wine, but there is ice cream.Eat slowly. I have many matches. ”

“And I go out of Father's house and I walk down the street, and it is very quiet even thought it is the middle of the day and I can't hear any noise except birds singing and wind and sometimes buildings falling down in the distance, and if I stand very close to traffic lights I can hear a little click as the colors change.”

“And it's best if you know a good thing is going to happen, like an eclipse or getting a microscope for Christmas. And it's bad if you know a bad thing is going to happen, like having a filling or going to France. But I think it is worst if you don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing which is going to happen.”

“On the fifth day, which was a Sunday, it rained very hard. I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.”

“Lots of things are mysteries. But that doesn't mean there isn't an answer to them. It's just that scientists haven't found the answer yet.”

“And Father said, "Christopher, do you understand that I love you?"And I said "Yes," because loving someone is helping them when they get into trouble, and looking after them, and telling them the truth, and Father looks after me when I get into trouble, like coming to the police station, and he looks after me by cooking meals for me, and he always tells me the truth, which means that he loves me.”

“Mrs. Forbes said that hating yellow and brown is just being silly. And Siobhan said that she shouldn't say things like that and everyone has favorite colors. And Siobhan was right. But Mrs. Forbes was a bit right, too. Because it is sort of being silly. But in life you have to take lots of decisions and if you don't take decisions you would never do anything because you would spend all your time choosing between things you could do. So it is good to have a reason why you hate some things and you like others. It is like being in a restaurant like when Father takes me out to a Berni Inn sometimes and you look at the menu and you have to choose what you are going to have. But you don't know if you are going to like something because you haven't tasted it yet, so you have favorite foods and you choose these, and you have foods you dno't like and you don't choose these, and then it is simple.”

“Siobhan said that when you are writing a book you have to include some descriptions of things. I said that I could take photographs and put them in the book. But she said the idea of a book was to describe things using words so that people could read them and make a picture in their own head.”

“This is how we leave the world,with the heart weeping,and the hope that distancebrings the solving wonderof one last clear viewbefore that long sleepabout the weather's changes”