For as long as I can remember, I liked writing stories. In elementary school, they were about tooth fairies and snap bracelets and wrestling buddies, and about how I loved to steal rocks from the neighbor’s front yard and bash them with a hammer to see the crystals inside, which I thought were real crystals and worth bajillions of dollars, so I couldn’t wait to sell them and buy a baseball stadium and a pool and, because I’d be a wise, responsible bijillionaire, I’d invest in baseball cards. Ken Griffey Jr. baseball cards.
Well, most of Ken Griffey Jr.'s cards are worth a few bucks. And those rocks, the ones I stole, the ones with the crystals inside . . . they’re just rocks. So I’m sorta glad those stories didn’t come true, because it would stink to lose a bajillion dollars.
After not becoming a bajillionaire and losing it all, I graduated from the University of Pennsylvania and taught high school English in Baltimore, New York City, and now on Long Island. My debut novel, A SCARY SCENE IN A SCARY MOVIE (FSG, 2011), is about an anxiety-filled teen and the friend who tutors him in playing it cool. My next MG novel, SORRY YOU'RE LOST (FSG 2011), is about a 7th grader named Denny "Donuts" Murphy who hatches a flabbergasting candy/dance scheme to distract himself from the loss of his mom to cancer. Many thanks to my agent, Michelle Andelman of Regal Literary, for helping make this happen.
Things I like: coaching sports at my high school, having baseball catches, quoting movies, laughing at myself, pretending to be Ron Burgundy.
Most important: Life is a bajillion times better because I can call Jamie of JamieElaineQuilts.com my wife.
“Legs are my favorite part. I never snap them off with a single bite. I nibble on them slowly as I work my way up. I crunch bony ankles, gnaw on slender calves. Knees are a delicacy; canine teeth are ideal for chipping cartilage. Thighs - oh sweet, sweet thighs - must be savored, eaten like a sacred drumstick. Thick and long and often hairy, a torso is best swallowed whole. The neck is delicious, but fragile: one bite and all I have left is a tiny head resting on my fingertips. Animal crackers. They are a great snack...”