Melissa Bank

“You act like I just want to sleep with you...I want to EVERYTHING with you.”

“Happiness is a dog sunning itself on a rock. We were not put on this Earth to be happy. We were put here to experience great things.”

“I remembered my father's speech about what Jack was capable of and wasn't; he'd said, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW MUCH JACK LOVES YOU. I thought about all the girls he'd stopped loving; it was like he had a timer, and at a certain point it buzzed.”

“Up until that moment, I'd been at the earliest stage of love, when you feel it will turn you into the better person you want to be. Now, his gentle voice and sage advice took me to a later stage: I felt I needed to pretend to be a better person than I was so he'd keep loving me. This was hard because it made me hate him.”

“He's losing weight," I say. "He doesn't sleep anymore." It occurs to me that this is how cults weaken the will of initiates. Robert says, "It sounds to me like he's in love," and adds that the world's most coveted state is characterized by unrelieved insecurity and almost constant pain.”

“He never told me that he loved me." "Some men don't," she says. "Some men say it all the time and don't mean it."I recognize myself in the latter category, not with Demetri but with one of his predecessors. I sometimes said "I love you" to Josh because I was afraid I didn't; toward the end, I hardly said it at all, and when I did I meant, I WISH I LOVED YOU.”

“Later, lying in bed, I wonder if Dena knows about her father. I decide that she probably does, and I imagine how I would feel if I knew that my father was unfaithful to my mother.Then I remember Richard, and I think that marriage might not mean much to Dena. I can't really blame her: She learned about marriage from her parents, just as I did from mine. For all I know, sleeping with Richard is just Dena's way of trying not to be her mother.”

“I want him to tell my why, but he doesn't say anything. It seems possible that Matthew is gay and possible that he isn't; possible that he is just a little more afraid than the rest of us and possible that he is much more; it even seems possible that what he has with Dena is bigger or deeper or more important than anything else is to him. I don't know, But i no longer believe, as I did that last afternoon at the lake, that my many, many flaws are what prevented Matthew from wanting a life with me. It seems more likely that it is his flaw that he can't or won't love anyone-- and that he is indiscriminate in his unlove.”

“I said, "What's your goal in life?" and winced at how corny and earnest I sounded.He looked away. He thought. "I guess I'm trying to become a better man than the one I'm hardwired to be.”

“Even a perfect understanding of failed love is the booby prize.”

“I have acute pancreatitis.""I thought it was just average looking.”

“He gazed at me. "You've grown up honey." It felt good to hear it. I thought maybe he was right. Then it occurred to me that if I really had grown up I wouldn't want to be told.”

“Even now, he is every blue blazer getting into cab, every runner along the river,every motorcycle coming and going.”

“You see yourself through his eyes, as The Generic Woman, the skirted symbol of the ladies room door.”

“But then you hear that he can't hear you, you see that he can't see you. You are not here--and you haven't even died yet. You see yourself through his eyes, as The Generic Woman, the skirted symbol on the ladies' room door.”

“You can feel like he wants to own you,-not like an object but like a good dream he wants to keep having.”

“He didn't remember because he'd seen thousands of little fish hundreds of times, and because it didn't mean to him what it had to me.”

“When I could talk, I said, "I don't know what I did wrong."Dena sighed, "You care too much.”

“Well," I said, "I have to go."He said, "Can I call you?"I waited a long time before answering, though not, of course, as long as he'd made me wait. I let him stand there with the question in the air while I took a good long look at him, let him stand there while I stepped to the street and raised my arm for a cab. At exactly that moment, as though dispatched by some god I didn't really believe in anymore - the god of drama or god of perfect things - or maybe by my own fairy god god, a cab came. I got in, and closed the door.”

“Today was the first day of the rest of my life. It was okay, I think the second day of the rest of my life will be better”

“When you're out" She advised, "try to appear captivated.”

“I guess love is the real suspension of disbelief.”

“No," he said, and he snapped his fingers. "You'll come work for me at K----. And be a real associate editor."I said, "I could bring you up on charges for that.""What?""Work harassment in the sexual place.”

“He tells me that the best man I will ever find will be attracted to other women. I hear this as another fact I am too old not to know. More proof of how unprepared I am to love anyone.”

“You smell like a bar," he said.I thought, You smell like a library. But I wanted to have sex right then, so I said, "You smell like a poem.”

“It scares me how fast I go from disliking to loving him, and I wonder if it’s this way for everyone.”

“Sometimes you’re loved because of your weaknesses. What you can’t do is sometimes more compelling than what you can.”

“He loves New York, he says. 'It's like Oberlin--it's where people who don't belong anywhere belong.”

“Nice,' I say, realizing only afterward that I've mimicked her, a bad habit of mine; I'm like one of those animals that imitates its predators to survive.”

“Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.”

“I hate weddings,' she says. 'They make me feel so unmarried. Actually, even brushing my teeth makes me feel unmarried.”

“You can feel that he wants to own you - not like an object but like a good dream he wants to keep having. He lets you know that you already own him.”

“You sense that he's dangerous but don't now why - and wonder if it's because he makes you feel safer than you've ever felt. ”

“She said that her father's death had been the hardest thing in her life. "We are all children until our fathers die.”

“The writing is clean. I really wouldn't have changed a word. Most of it is true, too, except that the hero quits drinking and the girl grows up. On the last page, the couple gets married, which is a nice way for a love story to end.”

“He said, "People wait their whole lives for the kind of happiness we have.”

“I said, "It's not like that." I wanted to convince her. I said "We think alike." Oh, my dear," she said. "A man thinks with his dick.”

“My theory was that if you had breasts, boys wanted to have sex with you, which wasn't exactly a big compliment, since they wanted to have sex any way. Whereas if you had a beautiful face, like Julia, boys fell in love with you, which seemed to happen against their will. Then the sex that you had would be about love.”

“Oliver Biddle was who you became if you couldn't find anyone to love except your parents. ”

“He gives me a kiss that barely touches my lips – it means nothing or everything. After he’s gone, I think, Happy birthday to me.Jack says, ‘That was the guy?’‘That was him.’Jake shakes his head.‘What?’‘He’s not for you,’ he says.I say, ‘How do you know?’ but what I mean is, How do you know?‘He’s like Ashley Wilkes,’ he says. ‘Any one of these guys is Rhett-ier than he is.’Again, I ask my benignly inflected, ‘How do you know?’‘How do I know?’ he says, tackling me into a bear hug. ‘How do I know? I know, that’s how I know.”

“When he takes off his shirt, I see that his shoulders are narrow and his chest almost hairless and almost concave. For a second I’m disappointed but right away I think, Grow up; this is the chest of a husband.”

“By late August, I’m on my second sublet, and I’ve been working as a copywriter long enough to know I’m not good at it. I seem to be reliving the life I had when I was twenty-two, but I’m about to run twenty-eight, which feels like the opposite of twenty-two.”

“It reminded me of how I’d felt applying to college. Night after night, I sat with my father in his study while he read aloud from Baron’s. He’d read the name of the college, the number of men and the number of women, and a description in guidebook prose; then he’d say, ‘How does that sound?’ and I’d think, Sounds just like the last one.It took me a few nights to realize that my father was reading only the colleges that I had some chance of getting into – not Brown but Bowling Green; not Wesleyan but Ohio Wesleyan; not Williams or Smith, but William Smith. Until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to me that my grades and test scores over the years were anything more than individual humiliations; I hadn’t realized that one day all of them would add up and count against me.”

“when i felt bobby staring at me, i looked up. our eyes met, and he held my gaze; he held my gaze like he was holding me, and i held him as though holding him. then he looked away, he was gone and it was over - a one-minute stand. ”

“i realize i will never hear from dena again, and i will never call her. it gives me a chill. it is a strange thing to end a friendship, even if you know it's what you want. it's like a death; all of a sudden your experience of a person become finite. ”

“The only relationships I haven't wrecked right away were the ones that wrecked me later.”

“With so much sky and so much river, you couldn't help seeing the big picture. It was what you already knew, but crowding into the subway or rushing to a movie, you only saw it for a second, and close up. Now I took a good long look. I'd always heard you couldn't see stars in Manhattan because of all the lights. But here they all were. Here was my night in shining armor.”

“The women are young, young, young, liquidy and sweet-looking; they are batter, and I am the sponge cake they don't know they'll become. I stand here, a lone loaf, stuck to the pan. ”

“The elevator door opens right into the loft. I was counting on those extra few seconds of hallway before facing the party, the party we are now part of and in, a party with people talking and laughing and having a party time. I think, I am a solid, trying to do a liquid's job.”

“It scares me. But then I get this big feeling, simple but exalted: He's like me, just with different details.”