Michael Buckley

“I'm going to teach you the art of swordsmanship-or in other words, how to totally kill someone with a sharp, pointy thing.”

“You've never heard of the Trickster King?" Puck asked, shocked.The girls shook their heads."The Prince of Fairies? Robin Goodfellow? The Imp?""Do you work for Santa?" Daphne asked."I'm a fairy, not an elf!" Puck roared. "You really don't know who I am! Doesn't anyone read the classics anymore? Dozens of writers have warned about me. I'm in the most famous of all of William Shakespeare's plays.""I don't remember any Puck in Romeo and Juliet," Sabrina muttered, feeling a little amused at how the boy was reacting to his non-celebrity."Besides Romeo and Juliet!" Puck shouted. "I'm the star of a Midsummer Night's Dream!""Congratulation," Sabrina said flatly. "Never read it.”

“Old lady, if I die I'd like you to do one small thing for me. I want you to build a one-hundred-acre museum dedicated to my memory. Bronze my clothing and possessions. Have at least three hundred marble statues erected of me in my most dashing poses. One of these statues should stand one hundred feet tall and greet ships as they float down the Hudson River. One of the fourteen wings of the museum should have an amusement park with the world's fastest roller coaster inside. None of these rides should be equipped with safety devices. You can license some of the space to fast-food restaurants and ice-cream parlors but nothing should be healthy or nutritious. The gift shop should sell stuffed Puck dolls packed with broken glass and asbestos. There's a more detailed list in my room." Puck saidduble”

“Puck flapped up to the happy couple. "Wait a minute! You have to ask someone to marry you? No one told me that! I thought you just hit them with a club and dragged them back to your cave!" Henry put his arm around Sabrina. "You're officially grounded from ever getting married.""Thank you," Sabrina whispered sincerely.”

“I'm soooooo telling." Puck stood behind her. "You two disobeyed your parents! I'm both shocked and really impressed.”

“You can't ground us. We're homeless," Daphne said.”

“But that is love, isn't it? It's terribly inconvenient. It sweeps you up and stales your attention and slows down your work. our labors fall behind, our friends report us missing, and everything comes to a screeching halt! Everything, that is, except what truly matters in this life --- true love. We've all been there. We know the feelings. So when we see it in a friend, a dear, dear friend, we throw down our work and we celebrate. We rejoice. We raise a glass. Because when we recognize it in the hearts of friends, it reminds us of how important it is in our own. Mr. Seven, you are and always have been my companion and friend. You have made me a better man, and almost on a daily basis you have reminded me that I too need to celebrate the love in my life. - William Charming”

“Save the people you love, who cares about the rest of the world? - Uncle Jake”

“The world is always ruled by a maniac. - Baba Yaga”

“Like a lot of gym teachers, Coach Babcock loved to torture his students. He felt he had failed as a teacher if his students didn't cry out for mercy. He often bragged that he held the school district's record for causing the most hysterical breakdowns in one afternoon. He used such classic forms of torture as weight training, wrestling, long-distance running, rope climing, wind spirits, chin-ups, and the occasional game of wet dodgeball (the wet ball was superloud when it hit a kid, and it left a huge red welt). But his favorite device of torment was so horrible, so truly evil, that it would drive most children to the brink of madness. It was the square dance.For six weeks of the school year, his students suffered through the Star Promenade, the Slip the Clutch, and the Ferris Wheel. As Babcock saw it, square dancing was the most embarrassing and uncomfortable form of dancing ever created, and a perfect way to prepare his students for the crushing heartbreak of life. Square dancing was a metaphor for like- you got swung around and just when you thought you were free, you got dragged back into the dance. He really thought he was doing the kids a favor.”

“Though he could not remember how he had been injured or how long he had been unconcious, his first thought was to call the office and find someone to cover his shifts. He had a busy week of beating people to a bloody pulp, and his victims weren't going to punch themselves in the face. He couldn't leave his bosses in the lurch. He was evil, but he was professional.Perhaps it was his dedication to his work that had built him such an impressive resume: fifteen broken jaws, fifty-seven legs, a hundred arms, and more noses than he could count. He had knocked out thousands of teeth, pushed a few people off bridges, and once buried a guy in concrete up to his neck. He had been nominated for the Goon of the Year nine times by OUCH (Organization of United Criminals and Henchman), and had won its highest honor, the Brass Knuckle, seven times. At the office, he showed up early and left late. He ate his lunch on the job, frequently beating people as he ate his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. You didn't get on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list by taking a sick day!”

“That's why crazy people are so dangerous. You think they're nice until they're chaining you up in the garage.”

“And a utility belt! I'm like an asthmatic Batman!”

“By the way, you don't need the makeup." Puck said.”

“Snow, get behind me!" Charming shouted as he leaped to his feet. "I'll handle this brute.""Billy", the teacher cried. "This is the twenty-first century, Women don't need the white knight routine anymore. I can fight my own battles.”

“I didn't do it,' he insisted.'Then why did you run?' Sabrina asked.'And send rabbits to eat us! I'm a seven-year-old girl,' Daphne said. 'Do you know how important bunny rabbits are to me?”

“really thats your code name?”

“I was going to say he's aimless," the witch replied. "I know he's a bit old to be old to living at home with his mom, but he's had a difficult time holding a job. He's worked at Wendy's, Taco Bell, and Burger King, but it all ends the same way- he challenges his manager to combat, takes over the restaurant, and enslaves his coworkers. Then it's back to video games." - Morgan le Fay”

“You can't judge the many by the actions of the few.”

“If only he can get over becoming a NERD.”

“What's the big idea?" Sabrina demanded. "I declared war on you, remember?" Puck said. Sabrina rolled her eyes. "Is this another one of your stupid pranks?" Puck sniffed. "You have contaminated me with your puberty virus and you called my villainy into question." "First of all, puberty isn't a virus," Sabrina said as she fought a tug of was with the Pegasus for her now rather damp pillow."Secondly, I'm sorry if I gave you the itty-bitty baby and boo-boo face. Do you wasnt me to give you a hug?" Puck curled his lip in anger. "Oh, now is the baby cranky. Perhaps we should put him down for a nap?" "We'll see who's laughing soon enough," Puck said. "You see these flying horses?" "Duh!" "These horses have a very special diet," Puck said. "For the last two days they have eaten nothing but chili dogs and prune juice." Sabrina heard a rumble coming from Puck's horse. It was so loud it drowned out the sound of its beating wings. Sabrina couldn't tell if the churn of the sound was worse for the Pegasus but it whined a bit and its eyes bulged nervously. Puck continued. "Now, chili dogs and prune juice are a hard combination on a person's belly. It can keep a human being on the toilet for a week. Imagine what would happen if I fed chili dogs and prune juice to an eight-hundred-and-fifty-pound flying horse. Oh, wait a minute! You don't have to imagine it. I did feed chili dogs and prune juice to an eight-hundred-and-fifty-pound flying horse. In fact, I fed them all the same thing!”

“Puck swung the cannon around in anger. The nozzle spun and hit Sabrina in the chest. The force was so pawerful she was knocked right off the platform and fell backward off the tower. She saw sky above her and felt the wind in her hair. How ironic, she thought, as she fell to her certain death, that at that moment she would have given anything to be a giant goose again. Air rushed past Sabrina's ears and suddenly she felt her back tingling again. A moment later she was hanging upside down, inches from the ground. She looked up to find her savior, only to find that her her wasn't a person but a long, furry tail sticking out of the back of her pants. It was wrapped around a beam in the tower a kept her swinging there like a monkey. Puck floated down to her, his wings flapping softly enough to allow him to hover. "I bet you think this is hilarious. Look what you did to me with your stupid pranks. I have a tail!" she raged. Puck's face was trembling. "I'm sorry." "What?" Sabrina said blankly. "I almost killed you. I'm sorry, Sabrina," he said, rubbing his eyes on his filthy hoodie. He lifted her off the tower and set her on the ground. "Since when do you care?" Sabrina said, still stunned by the boy's apology.”

“So Henry," Puck said as he kicked off his shoes and propped his smelly feet on the kitchen table. "I was wondering what you can tell me about puberty."Henry turned pale and stammered.Sabrina wanted to crawl under the table and die.”

“Sabrina turned back to the house and saw the horrible truth- a pair of legs was sticking out from beneath it and they were wearing a pari of shiny silver shoes with a remarkable red tint to them. She suddenly realized they hadn't just entered a story. They had entered one of the most famous stories ever told."Daphne, I don't think we're in Ferryport Landing anymore.”

“You ignorant little rodent! This isn't just an old book. This is the book of Everafter.""Sorry, I haven't read it. I'm waiting for the movie," Puck said.”

“You sick, twisted monster," Sabrina seethed at Pinocchio.”

“Maybe one of the monsters ate him," Daphne whimpered."That would be awesome," Puck said.Sabrina flashed him an angry look."Awesome in a terrible, heartbreakingly tragic way," Puck continued.”

“That's the coolest thing I've ever seen," Puck said."How cool will it be when it kills us?" Sabrina asked."Considerably less cool," Puck replied.”

“Nothing like a puppet to give you the willies.”

“I ate her cooking for eighteen years," he whispered. "You get used to it.""Oh yeah, when?""I think it happened around the seventeenth year," Henry said.”

“Don't disrespect the sword marshmallow.”

“How ironic, she thought, as she fell to her certain death, that at that moment she would have given anything to be a giant goose again.”

“Mirror sighed. "I believe everyone deserves a happily ever after. But I think that happy endings don't just happen by accident- you can't wait for one. You have to make them happen.”

“But know this, if you get killed out there I'm going to fire you.”

“Now you get off that Pegasus and come down here and start acting your age!""Honey, he's four thousand years old," Veronica said.”

“Freaky monsters were trying to kill us," Sabrina said. "Should I have just died out there so you could keep your clubhouse secret?""Absolutely!" the prince said.”

“But, Dad! We can't leave. Uncle Jake is hurt!" Daphne said. "Besides, that's Pinocchio. I want to get an autograph.”

“Puck rushed into the kitchen. He looked as if he had just gotten off a roller coaster. "That was awesome!" he cried. "The arrow coming out is totally more fun to watch going in.”

“He turned into a rhinocerous," Ms. Smirt said."He does that," Sabrina said.”

“Animals shouldn't eat gumdrops! They shouldn't drink tea or chocolate milk, either.”

“I dont know what could possibly distract three pigs enough so that you can get away." Sabrina thought for a moment then grinned. "I know exactly what to do.”

“Keep your paws off my fiancèe, you flea-ridden stray!”

“Don't duh me!" Puck snapped. "Trying to figure out what you're thinking from one day to the next takes more brains than I have."Well, maybe you should stop. I'd hate to burn out that little peanut in your head.”

“Puck stopped his drumming [on his belly] for a brief moment and grinned at Sabrina.I hear they have a lot of plastic surgeons in New York City. If I were you I'd make an appointment for that face as soon as you get there," he quipped.Sabrina scowled and shook a fist at him. "Keep it up, stinkpot, and you're going to need a plastic surgeon yourself."Puck winked. "No need to get all mushy on me, Grimm.”

“Puck turned to Sabrina. "What is she doing down there?"Hiding, I guess."Puck leaned down and poked his head under the seat. "I found you."Ms. Smirt shrieked.Puck lifted himself up to his full height and laughed. "She's fun."He leaned back down and she screamed again. "I could do this all day. Can I keep her?”

“The only bad ideas are the ones never tried.”

“The night is young, and by the grace of magic, so are we.”

“Are you familiar with that play?In fact, we're almost living it!”

“When did you suddenly become Mister Maturity?”

“Moth, that wasn't very nice.”