Michele Jaffe

“No, this is serious, Ollie. So I'm watching this spider building its web in the corner of the window. First it does the main parts, then the little connector rods. It's like so careful and precise, right? And then just when it's done, Mrs. Halverson comes over and says, 'It's so stuffy in here I can hardly breathe. Let's have some air,' and opens the window. And boom, all the spider's work was gone." He paused. "Made me think, man, that was just like life."I touched his cheek. "What do you mean, silly boy?""You work and work, and all it takes is one bitch to ruin everything."Ollie stared ahead steadily and said, "I think it shows that sometimes for one person to keep breathing, something else has to stop.”

“There's no such thing as lost; there's just adjusting your perspective.”

“So let me see-you've got a boyfriend, a not boyfriend, and a secret admirer." He shook his head at me. "Girl, no wonder someone tried to run you down.”

“Oh well, it’s over for you. Call the code at 2:03 p.m.”My eyes widened in shock. “That’s what they say when someone dies.”“Exactly.” He nodded. “Woman have fallen in love with me after staring like that for only thirty seconds andI think you just took a full minute. You’re doomed.”

“Don't let them make you doubt yourself. All the greatest visionaries in history have been told they were insane at some point.”

“That kiss you gave me was the hottest kiss i've ever had. I pulled away because i was afraid i wouldn't be able to stop myself from ripping off your clothes. And that didn't seem like the right way to end a first date. I didn't want you to think that was all i was interested in."She stared at him. There was silence again, but this time she didn't worry about how long it went on."Why didn't you tell me?" She said finally."I tried to, but every time i saw you afterward you disappeared. I got the feeling you were avoiding me.""i didn't want things to be awkward.""Yeah, there was nothing awkward about you hiding behind a plant when i came into the dining hall at lunch on wednesday.""I wasn't hiding. I was, um, breathing. You know, oxygen. From the plant. Very oxygenated, that air is.""Of course. I should have thought of that.""It's a healthy thing. Not many people know about it.”

“You talk more when you're nervous," he said, still standing close to her."No i don't. That's absurd. I'm just trying to explain to you-""Do i make you nervous?""No. I'm not nervous.""You're trembling.""I'm cold. I'm wearing practically zero clothes."His glance went to her lips, then back to her eyes. "I noticed.”

“Are you wearing space pants?" Miranda asked him."What?"How did it end? oh, right. "Because your butt is fine."He gazed at her in that way he had like he was measuring her for straitjacket. "I think-" he started, then stopped and seemed to be having trouble talking. Cleared his throat three times before saying, "I think the line is 'because your butt is out of this world.""Oh. That makes a lot more sense. I can see that. See, I read this book about how to get guys to like you and they said it was a line that never failed but i got interrupted in the middle and the line before it was about china-not the country, the kind you eat off of-and that is where the fine part was but i must have gotten them confused. He just kept staring at her.”

“Popularity can be a real headache.”

“I think it shows that sometimes for one person to keep breathing, something else has to stop." (hardcover page 37)”

“Impossible is just another word for 'loser who gives up.”

“And we'd look at each other the way you do when you see someone on the street you think you recognize, but not quite. Someone you wish with all your heart were there but who is actually just a stranger. And you feel a kind of deep longing that hurts like a huge gash and your inability to fix it leaves you frustrated and angry and bone-deep lonely.”

“It's so nice to have sane friends.I imagine.”

“ask yourself, what would babbi do?wahtWWBD? You know, the famous line in the movie Bambi if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.”

“Which left me with the cheery knowledge that my father would wan tto spend time with me even if i were a cold, stiff corpse. not every daughter can say that, i bet!”

“i never thought of it before, but with your height and build, you are going to look SO CUTE in your straitjacket.”

“talking to yourself again, jas?yes, it beats talking to you.oh, time machine back to first grade much?only to visit your brain.”

“little life lesson 23: before making a snide comment about someone else's outfit, check to see if you're wearing knee boots with fringe. if you answer yes, drop it. just do.”

“that was the plan?part of it, you don't wan tot know the rest. i believe the word 'these dog colllars would make excellent restraints' were involved.it was a brilliant idea. and we only got really cute well-made collars. this is my favorite. we had the tag engraved to say BUBBA.”

“favor de dejar un especimim em este copa para el doctorwhat?she told you to pee in a cup, i think that means get lost”

“that arctic blast you're feeling? it's the chill coming off my cold shoulder”

“For some reason my father saw no problem with us pplaying "barbie and ken go to hawaii to save their marriage by picking up another couple for sexy good times," but if barbie and ken had gone to hawaii to "rescue another couple from a crazed kidnapper," that would have been wrong.”

“...Go live ITM."ITM?"In the Mo," Beth elaborated.”

“YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter.”

“Because after the haze of not being kissed cleared I was forced to face the facts that:1. Jack was a very bad guy.2. Jack had threatened Fred.3. Just thinking that he was going to kiss me made me tingly everywhere4. In a way no other guy had5. And that was without our mouths even touching6. Which meant that7. If they did8. Wooohoo baby!9. Except that it did not matter10. At all11. Because he was plotting against fred12. And I was complicit in whatever he planned if I didn't tell Mr. Curtis13. And I was trapped in a boat with a woman singing showtunes.”

“Little Life Lesson 40: If you are lucky enough to vist the Fantasyland Diner, try to stay as long as possible because their desserts are no calorie, and also: the realy world sucks.”

“I didn't mean to interupt you if you were looking for your friends Miss--''Callihan,' but you can call my Jasmine. Or Jas.' Or Snookums. Honeybunch. Hotsie Totsie Cowgirl. My Little--'It's nice to meet you Jasmine, I'm Jack.”

“I think I could use a library," she answered finally.”

“Little Life Lesson 51: When selecting a member of a group to put on the Endangered Species List, it’s probably best not to pick the least popular person, because there is always a chance everyone will shrug and be like, "Um, okay. Hey, anyone want pizza?" and leave.”

“Thinking, not for the first time, that life should come with a trapdoor. Just a little exit hatch you could disappear through when you´d utterly and completely mortified yourself. Or when you had spontaneous zit eruptions.“Good book?” he asked, taking it from her and reading the subtitle, “A Guide for Good Girls Who (Sometimes) Want to Be Bad,” out loud.But life did not come with a trapdoor. ”