Michele Knight
Q. How did you find writing the book?
It was an immensely difficult but cathartic experience. I had to revisit many painful memories and experiences that, even though to a great extent I have worked hard to achieve some kind of peace and understanding around, I had, up until the publication of this book, kept private. The task was made easier by the fact that I have always kept detailed diaries and had spent many hours conducting taped interviews with my mother before she died in an attempt to understand what makes us the people that we are.
Q. So why did you write it?
Despite the presence of Lucy during my childhood and teenage years I felt so alone. As an adult and mother myself I can understand that my own mother was just doing the best she could. I also grew up during a time when there was a growing awareness about the extent of child abuse in this country but there was really nowhere for me to turn for help and to a large extent I was just seen as a difficult child and teenager by the adults around me who could have intervened in what was happening. I think that even those who knew felt helpless to do anything about it. Like many children who experience abuse, I swung between a passive acceptance of what became a horrific daily reality and a fury that manifested in me fighting everyone, including myself. Looking back, I can see that I was desperately seeking answers and an escape but it felt as though there was nowhere to turn. Sadly, I know that such abuse continues today and I wrote this in part so that I could reach those who have been or are being abused. Much of my work today is about empowering people to transcend their own problems and circumstances, showing them that there is hope, that there is a way out, that there are people who care. It’s hard to express but I know that when I was going through the worst of things I would have done anything to have heard from someone who had gone through the same things and was out the other side and in many ways I think of this book as a personal letter to anyone who is struggling against the odds to create a life of happiness, joy and peace so that they don’t have to feel alone. It isn’t easy to talk about such things in the public arena. I do accept that I’m going to upset a great many people, but if I can help just one it will be worth it.
Q. Some of the events you relate – the transformation of the scarab into a living thing during your mother’s evocations, the hurricane in Italy, the presence of Lucy – seem so far fetched.
I know! And if it’s hard to read and take seriously, you should try living it and making sense of it! I really hope that such additions don’t undermine the credibility of the equally important messages contained within the book. Remember twenty years ago it would have been hard enough to talk openly about abuse. Hopefully, in twenty years time we’ll be able to respond to stories such as what happened with the scarab in a slightly different way. I could have left all of those things out but I think that when it’s time to tell the truth you tell the whole truth. Nothing is included that I haven’t done everything I can to verify in the most appropriate way.
Q. What about the title of the book? Do you really think that you were touched by evil?
The title came from the publishers who need to do their job in their way. I absolutely do not think of myself like that. I think of myself more as someone who has to experienced the darker sides of human nature so that I could learn and transform and help others. When you meet someone who is vulnerable or weak or in need of protection, you can allow the best in you to shine, or you can act out the baser aspects of human experience. I don’t think our fate is something that is set as a concrete series of events that will happen. We are all constantly co-creating the present and the future. Even though I was abused many times I also describe moments when I actually managed to achieve some sort of c
“When we die the only judge we have is ourselves. We see our life played out in a hologram of knowledge that our earth souls cannot understand. We see all at once how each word and each action affected the lives of the people around us. How a moment of kindness can change a life and a sharp word can affect someone for ever. Words and actions are far more powerful than we realise. It's the pebble-in-the-lake effect-even the tiniest pebble thrown into water will create ripples right across the lake. We don't need to be punished because, when we have viewed the consequences of our actions on all the souls we have met, we have remorse enough. I believe there is no external judge. We must face ourselves.”
“The key to being free, authentic and creative is to clear debris from the space you always occupy – your mind.”
“Your unique energy is bouncing around the planet creating ripples of energy which permeate out to teach others and like a sacred dance each action has a reaction. Your energy therefore effects everything.”
“If only you knew who you really were you would be fearless and love yourself with a grand passion! You are a unique shard of God, the Universe, the whole or whatever label you would like to call it. No one can take your place and without you endless synchronicity and evolution would not happen. You are so powerful that just by walking down the street you can change someone's life forever.”
“You are not your past. you are your future!”