Milton Berle
Mendel "Milton Berle" Berlinger was an Emmy-winning American comedian and actor. As the manic host of NBC's Texaco Star Theater from 1948–1955, he was the first major star of television and as such became known as Uncle Miltie or Mr. Television to millions during TV's golden age.
“The only place success comes before is in the dictionary”
Milton Berle
“You don't need to travel, laughter is an instant vacation”
Milton Berle
“A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.”
Milton Berle
“If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door”
Milton Berle
“I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”
Milton Berle
“A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?" "No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!”
Milton Berle
“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.”
Milton Berle
“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.”
Milton Berle
“I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been' by far; for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.”
Milton Berle
“Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.”
Milton Berle
“Laughter is an instant vacation.”
Milton Berle
“I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!”
Milton Berle
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
Milton Berle
“When opportunity doesn't knock, create a door”
Milton Berle
“Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.”
Milton Berle