Monica Alexander

“Growing up wasn't so bad, as long as you did it with the right person.”

“have the confidence to be who you are, and allow others the courtesy of being who they are, without judgement.”

“You made me happy when I should have been miserable. You were the only person who could reach me, and maybe that scared me. You accepted me – broken and faulty.”

“There was a time when I knew what it was likeTo live without you, to share your painBut time moved on, and you came backLoving me like you’d never left”

“Without you, I’m lost, fumbling and fallingMissing so much of who you wereIf I could change the past, I’d take it all backI’d turn back time, I’d take away the painI’d make sure I didn’t leave without you”

“. I’d known from that first time we’d talked on the steps at my dad’s beach house that she was a good girl, and I’d liked that about her – so much.”

“I wanted to scream at him, but then I just felt sad again. He obviously hadn’t cared enough about me to truly let me into his life at all. He’d kept so much from me, and I kind of hated him for that.”

“I’d essentially compartmentalized my life so I could be two different people for a while, but it hadn’t worked in the end.”

“Emily wasn’t supposed to be someone I thought about months later. She was supposed to be a fun distraction, like all the other nameless and faceless girls I’d hooked up with over the years.”

“All You Can Do Is Jump”

“Even though it had only been two weeks since I’d seen him last, it felt like months, and sometimes I found myself wondering if our brief time together had been real at all. Yeah, it had been real. I had a heart that was cracked in two as a souvenir of just how real it all was.”

“Besides, reality is so much better than any fairytale.”

“That had been an all-consuming love that had swept me up in a torrent of emotion that had been unimaginable until I'd experienced it.”

“His lack of remorse and boundaries should have been a red flag to me, but it sort of made me want to see how far I would let myself go with him.”

“I wanted to be bad for once in my life. I just wasn't sure how to even go about doing that.”

“But what was I supposed to do when the course I'd set myself on for so long didn't seem like the right one anymore?”

“Fairytales are bullshit,” I snapped, using the same line as he’d used on me, but I meant it. After an imperfect summer with Zack, with highs and lows and everything in between, I no longer wanted the fairytale. It wasn’t real.”

“Was it worth it?” he asked me, breaking the silence.“Was what worth it?” I asked, looking up at him.“Taking a chance with me,” he said softly, kissing the top of my head. “Not thinking, going with your gut?”“It was the best chance I’ve ever taken,” I said, snuggling closer to him and breathing in his familiar scent.”

“Rachel waved her hand in dismissal. “Yeah, well, I assume that he was upset, and she was there, he fell, and she caught him – right between her thighs.”

“I like you too, Zack,” I said, leaning my head against his shoulder, so I could look up at him. “You’ve sort of had me . . . enamored, I guess is the right word . . . since we met.”He laughed. “You were enamored with me?”I nodded. “Yeah, I was. It’s sad, but I was completely enamored with you. I blame your eyes, and your stupid guitar playing. I’m a sucker for a guy with a guitar.”“Don’t forget my kissable lips,” he said, as he kissed my neck, trailing his lips down to my collarbone. I sighed, a long, deep, satisfied sigh.”

“And just because I own a Harley, have a few tattoos and one piercing, doesn’t mean I’m a ‘bad boy’,” he said, his eyes ablaze with conviction. “So if you figured you might go slumming this summer in an effort to try something new and reinvent yourself, I’m not your guy.”

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to look any sexier right now,” he whispered in my ear. “If it weren’t for the fact that I need this job, I might be inclined to drag you back to the stockroom and have my way with you.”I spun around in his arms and looked up into the eyes I’d missed seeing. “This is nothing compared to how sexy I’ll look later,” I said, leaning back against the jukebox. “If you’re interested.”“Is that an invitation?”I shrugged. “Consider it a request. No, scratch that. Consider it a demand,” I said, as I locked eyes with him.”

“When you have nothing left to lose. When there’s nothing left to gain. You find yourself at the edge of the world, wishing nothing would have changed,” I read and instantly got a twisted feeling in the pit of my stomach.“All you can do is jump.”

“If you want me to get closer, there are other ways to do it,” I said, leaving my statement open-ended. I gave him a pointed look, dropped my hand and turned away, leaving him staring after me. I started to walk toward the ice cream parlor, smiling to myself.Zack caught up with me, his arms catching me around the waist as he pulled me back against his chest. His lips met the hollow of my neck, just above my collarbone. “I’d be careful about saying things like, princess,” he said, his voice rough and urgent. “I don’t think you know what you’re insinuating.”

“It’s really important that you don’t think,” Zack murmured, his lips moving slowly, seductively. “If you truly want to be impulsive, you just have to just go with your gut.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, smirking slightly. “I’d bet that’s the first time in your life you’ve ever been impulsive. Don’t apologize for it.”“Nah” I said, waving my hand in dismissal. “I hauled off and punched a girl a few weeks ago when I caught her kissing my boyfriend. That was the most impulsive I’ve ever been.”

“That is beside the point,” I said, not giving him the satisfaction that he was right about anything, especially that I wanted to kiss him, although now that he brought it up, I was thinking about it. His kissable lips were very close to mine.”

“You do realize fairytales are bullshit,” he said.”

“I pierced my nose,” I said, dropping my chin just a little as my confidence faded.“I can see that,” she said blandly. “What on earth were you thinking?”Um, I was thinking that I am an incredibly boring person, and it was about time I do something to change that.”

“Are you checking me out?” he asked, smirking slightly. His sexy southern accent made him exponentially hotter. I felt my face blush scarlet and instantly looked down at my lap. Then I decided that I wouldn’t let that embarrass me. I was checking him out, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. The new, more confident me was pushing her way to the surface.“I was,” I said, trying to sound bold, as I took a long pull from my drink. I wasn’t nearly intoxicated enough for this conversation.”

“Eventually, I stopped dressing like I was a Disney character, but the desire to live the life of a fairytale princess never really left me.”

“You love it, don’t you? Admit it. I got you excited about football.” He was gloating as he did a little victory dance.You got me excited about something, that’s for sure.“I love it,” I said, grinning back at him. I poked him in the stomach while he danced around like an idiot, feeling his taught stomach beneath my fingers.”

“That is why I came to school here,” Connor said pointedly. “I don’t think I could stand being more than a few miles away from you.”“That and the football,” I said, grinning at him. He smirked back at me before kissing me lightly on the lips. “Yeah, that too, but if I had to chose, you’d win out over football any day.”

“I disarmed you with my smile?” I called out when he was a few feet from me, raising my eyebrows.He turned and smirked at me. “You sure did.”“You totally snaked that from a Smashing Pumpkins song,” I said, shaking my head.“The fact that you know that is incredibly sexy.”“I told you, I’m not like most girls.”

“She’s right, though. I completely stole her boyfriend, and I had no qualms about doing it. I had no remorse, as I weaseled my way in and took what I wanted. You have to admit, that’s kind of shitty.”Connor’s arm slid around me, pulling me close, and I noticed everyone was staring. We were together, and we had gone public.“First of all, you saying you took what you wanted is incredibly hot. Feel free to take it again anytime.” His voice was low, his lips close to my ear.”

“When you walked away from me last night, I felt like a piece of me had left with you. All I wanted in that moment was to get into that cab with you, put my arms around you and tell you that everything was going to be okay, because I love you.”

“I kissed his forehead. “You don’t have to thank me. I told you, I do anything for someone I care about.”He pulled away and looked up at me. “You said you do anything for someone you love.”I didn’t know how to respond to that. We were in such a precarious place. I didn’t want to say anything that might scare him away or let him know how I truly felt, because at the end of the day, I loved him. It was that simple. Instead I gave him a small smile. “I did say that, didn’t I?”

“I shook my head at him. “Unbelievable. You have no claim here,” I said, gesturing to myself. “You have no right to be upset that I’m dating Jack. You had your chance.”“I guess I’m not as okay with it as I thought I was. I don’t like seeing him with you,” he said, and I wasn’t sure if it was because Jack was a known player or if Jack was suddenly playing with me.”

“I’m just glad you took me back,” he said, grinning widely. Stupid grin. It made me want to kiss him, and I shouldn’t have wanted to kiss him.”

“You’re the kind of girl I could fall in love with,” he whispered, so softly that I almost didn’t hear him. His lips caught mine again before I could respond.”

“Connor,” I murmured, not sure what to say to him. We were crossing into dangerous territory, and we both knew it.“I don’t think you understand how much I count on you, Abby, how much I need you, and how much I care about our friendship. You’re so important to me.”I didn’t have an opportunity to respond. Before I knew what was happening, he was kissing me, and I was kissing him back, and it was everything I’d imagined it would be when I envisioned us kissing a thousand times.”

“I’d do anything for someone I love,” I said simply.”

“Connor suddenly reached out and touched the side of my face with his finger, right near my eye. “You have the most beautiful eyes,” he said softly, and I nearly melted.“I’m not going to sleep with you,” I said softly, feeling the need to clarify that point.“I’m not asking you to,” he said, tilting his head down slightly. Ever so gently, he pressed his lips to mine.”

“I rolled my eyes at his exuberance. “I have an older brother,” I said. “He got all the sports knowledge. I learned how to bake cookies.”

“Then all of a sudden, his hazel eyes penetrated me in a way that succeeded in melting away my anger. My heartbeat quickened and my adrenaline pumped but in a different way than it had been a few minutes earlier. Suddenly it was like I forgot how to form words. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.”

“I remember you – thirty percent off boardshorts,” he said, smirking slightly. I couldn’t believe he remembered that. It had been weeks ago.“They’re down to fifty percent off now,” I said. “If you want a deal, there are still some left.” I wanted to smack myself in the head. I could not believe I was flirting by talking about a sale at work. I was a conversational moron.”

“Everything was as it always should have been. I was in the arms of my best friend, the man I loved and the man I would spend the rest of my life with. It just didn’t get any better than that.”

“Will you marry me?”I was in shock for a full ten seconds before I realized what was happening. I threw my arms around him and kissed him as hard as I could. “Is that a yes?” he asked, when I pulled away.“Yes! Yes, yes, yes!” I shrieked.His face broke into a wide smile. “Thank God,” he said then.”

“Allow me to spell it out for you,” I said calmly. “I am still absolutely terrified of marriage, but I would marry you tonight if it was a way for me to prove how much I believe that you’re the guy for me.”

“No, I chastised myself. I should be happy for him. I’d let him go. I’d turned down his request to be with me, so now I had no room to judge who he chose to be with. I needed to be happy for him, but I wasn’t. Knowing he was laughing and smiling with someone else, that he was flirting and teasing someone who wasn’t me ignited a feeling inside me that I’d fought so hard to bury. Suddenly, I was drawn to him like I hadn’t been in years, and I couldn’t ignore it.”