Neil Simon

“When its 100 degrees in New York, it's 72 in Los Angeles. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles it's still 72. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles.”

“[Y]ou're young. Young takes care of everything.”

“Never have so many given so much for so long for so little for so few for so seldom.”

“You like a cracker?What kind of cracker?Graham, chocolate, cocoanut, whatever you want.Maybe just a plain cracker.I don't have plain crackers. I got graham, chocolate and cocoanut.Alright, a graham cracker.They're in the kitchen, in the closet.Maybe later.”

“I'm getting chest pains...You give me chest pains Uncle Willie.It's my fault you get excited.Yes, it's your fault! I only get chest pains on Wednesdays.So come on Tuesdays.”

“You're a witness. You're always standing around watching what's happening, scribbling in your book what other people do. You have to get in the middle of it. You have to take sides. Make a contribution to the fight. Any fight. The one you believe in. Until you do, you'll never be a writer, Eugene.”

“Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity.”

“I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. It's either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple”

“Sure it hurts, but if you love someone, you forgive them." BlancheSomethings you forgive, somethings you never forgive." Kate”

“I LOVE living, I have some problems with my LIFE, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.”

“If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet.”

“Don't listen to those who say, you are taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today. Most important, don't listen when the little voice of fear inside you rears its ugly head and says "They are all smarter than you out there. They're more talented, they're taller, blonder, prettier, luckier, and they have connections." I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you'll be a person worthy of your own respects.”

“Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend.”