Nicole Peeler

“So, once again, I ignored my poor, repressed libido--which was currently clamoring for me to lure Ryu behind the counter and knock him out with an unabridged dictionary in order to make him mine--and went ahead and started in on what he wanted to know.”

“...some heroes are born. Some are made. And some are bribed with promises of food and sex.”

“It was when he was so casually clever, however, that I wanted to pickle his gherkin.”

“If I pee my pants I am going to be so pissed.”

“The way I saw it, one of the single greatest advantages of being in a relationship was that you got to eat off the other person's plate.”

“I was pretty sure I'd just had a nerdgasm.”

“Sorry, no. I'm Magog, and I'm a raven. Not a selkie." she said, in a singsong accent I recognized as Welsh from watching Torchwood.”

“Oh gods, Jane, the answer to all those questions is you. You turn me on; you’re what I want; you make me growl.”

“He had this domineering way about him that totally ketchuped my tater tots—it was like he knew what I wanted more than I did.”

“I can always count on you to say something sexy,” he said. I blushed. “I know. I’m very smooth.” “You are smooth,” he murmured, leaning down to brush his lips against my forehead. “Smooth and soft and warm. I could touch you forever…”

“Because I think that sometimes, when you really love somebody, you don't ask them for the kind of compromise that is actually a sacrifice. The kind where one person gives up everything they have, everything they are, just so they can be with the other person. And you certainly don't expect that shit. You don't expect someone to prove their love. To love you that little bit more than you love them.”

“I don't know whether it's because I don't love him, or because I can't love him for demanding something like that from me. Or because he doesn't know me for squat. But I couldn't give him my whole life. And that's what he wanted from me. He wanted everything, and I wanted him to love me for what I had already offered.”

“Why should a deal breaker for you be an acceptable compromise for me?”

“That hair-pulling thing he did really peeled my bananas.”

“The thing is, Iris, I've never liked the idea of compromise. In films and in stories people who love each other — really love each other — make horrendous sacrifices. They give kidneys they move across the world they die. Or become the undead because you know I like that sort of book. Basically the heroine's lover calls and she answers. Which is stupid. You know why ” Iris shook her head. “Because he's always fucking calling.”

“My fingers scrabbled at the smooth leather interior of Ryu’s BMW as he missed the exit we needed. Causing him to drop a few more F bombs and slam on the breaks. He then opened what I assume was a rift in the space time continuum in order to hurtle his German made steal cage of doom through said continuum.”

“They were paragons of conservative propriety in public, but in private they swung like pinatas.”

“Um....milk. Yes, I believe I do have milk. In the fridge," Anyn replied, remarkably cordial for someone who'd just been cock-blocked by Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.”

“I do know you're nothing like him. But you're still....still a lot. A lot to handle. I don't mean your junk, obviously, as we've not gotten to the fondling-bits stage yet. And I can't believe I just talked about your junk.”

“I swear to the gods that if you answer one more of my questions with a question, I am going to go all Tyson and bite your damned ear off...”

“Can I have this?" Iris asked in her honeydew voice, holding up one of the novels I'd brought her so that Amy could see the cover."Sorry, hot man is all out at the moment. We have some corpulent taxi driver and a slice of crazy cat-lady left, but we ran out of hot man hours ago.”

“She liked a very particular kind of plot: the sort where the pirate kidnaps some virgin damsel, rapes her into loving him, and then dispatches lots of seamen while she polishes his cutlass. Or where the Highland clan leader kidnaps some virginal English Rose, rapes her into loving him, and then kills entire armies Sassenachs while she stuffs his haggis. Or where the Native American warrior kidnaps a virginal white settler, rapes her into loving him, and then kills a bunch of colonists while she whets his tomahawk. I hated to get Freudian on Linda, but her reading patterns suggested some interesting insight into why she is such a bitch.”

“Come hell or high water, I will separate you from your man-business. I don't care how, or if you kill me. If it means me, dead, holding your junk, I'll take your junk. Got that?”

“I blinked at her, suddenly loathing her to the depths of my soul. Not only was she probably rather evil, and definitely thoroughly unpleasant, but she also didn't read.”

“...But I don't want you to be afraid to take risks. If it's worth it...If the person in his eyes is the person you want to be, the person you know you could be...then don't be scared...”

“Did you just wipe your nose on me?" he asked, finally.”

“But the next noise to echo through the hall was one I was pretty sure I recognized. It was the unmistakable sound of the shit hitting the fan.”

“I'd managed to snatch a few more hours of rest, which was all I needed, so I felt fine despite our marathon evening of debauchery.”

“He chose to eat his tart off my thighs, which I think we both enjoyed.”

“I'd just met a talking garden gnome and the nightmare version of My Little Pony.”

“People are heavy when they're dead. I also nearly ralphed every time I caught a glimpse of the skin flap flapping, and I'd seen enough CSI to know that my stomach contents could be used to link me to the site.”

“I wasn't running now so much as stumbling quickly, panting like a geriatric lion.”