Nicole Williams

“His personality gets a suck’s ass,” Tony continued, nudging the K named kicker. “So why, in all things unfair and unholy, does he get all the good ones lining up outside his door?”Jude leaned forward. “I can give you an eight inch explanation, Rufello.”

“Yeah,” Thomas said, “if the dude almost beat my ass for helping you out of a corset, he will murder me on the spot when he sees our modern interpretation of the ‘Rape of Persephone’.”

“—El amor es lo que los llevó a estar juntos, Lucy. Pero es la sangre, el sudor y las lágrimas del trabajo duro lo que los mantiene juntos — empezó, eligiendo sus palabras con cuidado—. El amor no es sólo amor, cariño. Es trabajo duro y confianza, y lágrimas con incluso algunos atisbos de devastación. Pero al final del día, si puedes mirar a la persona a tu lado y eres incapaz de imaginar a nadie más a quien preferirías tener allí, el dolor y angustia y los altibajos del amor valen la pena.”

“—De acuerdo —dijo, su voz tensa—. Tómate tu tiempo. Tómate el tiempo que necesites. —Inhalando fuertemente, dejó salir su respiración lentamente—. Estaré allí cuando estés lista. Sin importar cuanto tiempo te tome. Siempre estaré allí, Luce. Soy tuyo —respiró, apretando mis manos—, para siempre.”

“-Eres mi familia. Voy a donde vayas, Luce.”

“Jude resopló. —Sí, bueno, sólo para que lo sepas, no hay muchas mujeres aquí que no me dejarían hacerles lo que sea que jodidamente quiera. No hay escasez de Adrianas en el mundo, Luce.-Se detuvo, tomando un par de respiraciones mientras yo trataba de no calcular mentalmente el número de mujeres a las que les gustaría acostar a Jude cada noche de la semana—. ¿Pero sabes lo que me hace decir que no cada vez? ¿Sabes lo que me hace inmune a cada mujer y a cualquier estratagema que aplique sobre mí? —No esperó mirespuesta.—Tú, Luce —dijo, su voz cansada—. Puede que no haya escasez de Adrianas por ahí, pero sólo hay una tú.Y esa es la persona a la que quiero entregarme.”

“Caring for someone is scary, because you both know how it feels to lose someone in the span of a heartbeat.”

“When you find someone you want to spend forever with you, you don't let them go, whether forever turns out to be a day or a year of fifty years. Don't let the fear of losing them keep you from loving them.”

“Give me another chance, one more chance, and I’ll walk a line so straight people will think I’ve been possessed.”

“Because I know I will never love anyone like I love you. That’s what will overcome the past every time it tries to rear its ugly head.” He stepped closer. “So it’s either you and me or me and me, Luce. And I don’t really like myself, so I hope you’ll pick the you and me option.”

“And I’m sorry I ruined everything we had before I could admit it to you. Before I could admit it to myself. You didn’t make me a better person, because no one can do that. You made me want to be a better person.”

“Ease my suffering. Make me the happiest, most tortured man in the world. Marry me?”

“Luce. We fight. I'm used to that. Sure, that fight was the scariest ass one we've ever had, but you're here now. That's all that matters. No matter how many fights we have, or how much they tip the Richter scale, none of it matters as long as at the end of the day, you're still with me.”

“Then what are you doing here, Luce?" he asked, his voice elevating. "You want time? You want space? Fine. I gave that to you. But then you keep throwing yourself back into my life whenever the hell you choose. No warning. No apology, No permanence. You show up at my front door and sneak out the back without so much as a goodbye," he continued, never taking his eyes off of me. "You couldn't take the up and down. The roller coaster was going to kill you. You know what I can't take? You in and back out of my life before I even knew you were there in the first place. You looking at me the way you are now and then able to turn your back and walk away five minutes later." His hands clenched over my cheek before he lowered it. "That is what will kill me. I can't live wondering if you're still mine to claim.”

“What are you doing here, Luce?" he asked, studying me. "Watching you play," I answered, knowing it wasan't one he'd accept. "Yeah," he said, making a face. "That's not going to work for me." Of course it wasn't. "You know why," I added with a whisper. "I need to hear you say it," he said, swallowing. "I've gone too many days without hearing it." Sighing, I closed my eyes. "I love you," I said, knowing it was the truth and that it didn't change anything. "And I missed you." "Yeah," he said, "me too.”

“Lou didn't need to tell me, Luce," he said, looking between me and the field. "I don't need someone to tell me when my girl's in the stands. I could pick you out even if I was playing in the Superdome and you were tucked into the back row.”

“Don't stay because you want to. Stay because I want you to.”

“You need more time? Fine. I can do that. I could do anything for you, Luce. But, please, for god's sake, just give me some hope." A tear skied down my cheek, bleeding into one of my bandages. "Give me the smallest silver of hope there's still going to be a place for you and me on the other side of this.”

“You've had time, Luce. I've given you your space." he said, the bed moaning as he stood. "I've aged fifty years in three weeks' time because I did my part and stayed away from you. But now you're here. And maybe you're not here because of me, but either way, you couldn't stay away.”

“Do you really hate being around me so much now that you'd high tail it away from me when you can barely stand?”

“You're all I've got, Luce. I'll do anything not to lose you," he said, his scar pinching into his cheek. "Just tell me what I'm doing wrong and I'll fix it.”

“Tell me what to do, Luce. Tell me what you want from me. Because I'll do it. I'd do anything," he said, putting his arms behind his neck and watching me like he was afraid I was going to disappear. "You want me to tell Adriana to go screw herself and never so much as look her way again? No problem. You want me to never talk to another woman for the rest of my life? I'll do it." Crossing the room, he stopped in front of me, grabbing the sides of my arms. "I'll do anything. Just tell me what to do.”

“All I know is that I’m yours just as much as you’re mine. That’s the surest thing I’ve ever known.”

“You, Luce," he said, his voice tired. "There may not be a shortage of Adrianas out there, but there's only one you. And that's the person I want to give myself to.”

“Damn straight I do," Jude said, grabbing my waist and lifting me into the cab. "Tell him my girl comes before football. Tell him my girl's breakfast comes before football.”

“And you," Jude said, stepping forward and putting his finger in Tony's face. "Don't you ever try to give something of yours to put on her body." The muscles just below Jude's neck were sticking out like shark fins he was so tense. "Or I'm never throwing another ball your way. Got that?”

“The kind of bad I have for you isn't the kind that goes away.”

“He made me happy. He made me crazy. He made me thank the heavens for the day I'd met him. He made me curse the same heavens for the day I'd met him.”

“Love is just as much suffering as it is sweetness. If it was perfect, that's what they'd all it. They wouldn't call it bittersweet.”

“You can't be friends with the person you were meant to spend your life with," he said, his eyes darkening. "So get on with your life and leave mine the hell alone.”

“Black absorbs all color, accepts them, takes them into it and let them define it. Gray isn't anything but itself. It absorbs nothing but itself.”

“Why did he have to be everything I did and everything I didn't need at any given moment?”

“I wanted to curse the maker for not completing the female cast with a delete slash purge button when it came to men.”

“I was on some sort of sick, self-destruction thought stream.”

“Lord help me, I was going to become a nun if my male radar didn't realign towards guys that were not walking penises.”

“Luce," he said at last, his voice soft. "what do you want me to do?" He paused, waiting for my response, but I wasn't sure what he was asking, so no response came. "Please, just tell me," he continued. "Tell me what you want me to say, and do, when it comes to Adriana or any other girl that looks my way, and I'll do it. You want me to fire a spit wad between their eyes? So be it. You want me to flip them off any time any one of them looks my way? You got it. You want me to poke my eyes out so I can't see another one of their suggestive smiles again?" he trailed on, half of his face squishing together. "Well, that would suck, but I'd do it. For you." Cradling my face in his hands again, he leaned forward so his eyes were staring into mine from half a foot away. "Just tell me, baby. What do you want me to do?”

“Luce," Jude said, unfurling the blanket cinched around me, grabbing my hands when he pulled them free, "you're my girl. The girl." To join the other emotions flashing over over his face, a trace of pain did as well. "When I look at Adriana, or any other girl for that matter, that's all I see. Some other girl who isn't my girl. I don't see them, Luce. I see you," he continued, his skin lining between his brows. "I've only ever seen you.”

“Say that again, Tony," Jude warned, his jaw clenched, "and the only thing I'll be throwing at your pinhead again will be my boot." "What?" Tony said. "Telling the truth about Adriana panting in heat for you?" "No, shithead," Jude said, notes of anger slipping between his teeth. "Call my girl 'love' again. Shes's mine. I get to call her that. Not some pissant jerk-off with a big mouth.”

“Don't let another man, tight wearing fairy or not, help you out of your clothes again," he said, his eyes narrowing just enough to know some scalding emotions were firing through him right now. "If you need help out of so much as a sock, you call me, you got it? That's my job.”

“I might kinda, sorta, really, truly love you”

“Let's not pretend that I couldn't get you to do whatever I asked of you," he hissed, shoving harder against me when I tried breaking free again. The impact and firmnedd of his body against mine brought a sound to the surface from me. "Let's not pretend that, even though you might hate me, you wouldn't let me do anything to you I wanted." His head dropped to my neck, and the next thing I felt was his mouth warming the skin at the base of it. His mouth never touched me, just his warm breath, and even with that small intimacy, my eyes closed, my head rolled back, and I moaned again.”

“I miss you. I don't want to let you go”

“You don't need time to know what's in your heart”

“I wanted you to feel the rage boil in my blood when I found out you were going on a date...with him tonight," he cursed the word, "after being with me last night. I wanted you to feel the same pain I did. The goddamn same debilitating pain.”

“I said those things and did those things because you'd hurt me," he continued, whispering just outside my ear. "And I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to feel the same way I did when I woke up and found you gone. I wanted you to feel the anxiety I felt when I tried calling you and you wouldn't answer. I wanted you to feel the anger I felt when I showed up at the diner and watched you through the windows for a few minutes. Serving and talking to guests like it was just another day. Like you hadn't just broken my heart.”

“Why did you leave me, Elle? Why did you sneak away from me in the middle of the night while I was asleep like you were ashamed of me and what we'd done?" He kept his voice controlled, but I could hear the edge in it. "Why were you so cruel?”

“Just because something's never happened doesn't mean it never will”

“I just wanted you to know I'd be chasing after you right now, naked if need required it. But because I'm respecting your need for time and space, I'll force myself to lie here in bed and pretend I'm asleep.”

“What the hell were you doing? Are you okay?""Did I win?""You kicked ass, baby.""The I'm alright.”

“amYou know, the spark. It could be as simple as a meeting of eyes or as intimate as knuckles skimming down flesh, but one thing it was unmistakable. No denying it once you’d felt it and no sense in trying to conjure one up if it wasn’t there from the beginning. Sparks are beginnings, leading to middles of fireworks, finishing like blasts of dynamite. So, long story short, there were no sparks”