Oliver Herford
Oliver Herford (1863–1935) was a British-born American writer, artist and illustrator who has been called "The American Oscar Wilde". His family immigrated to Chicago, Illinois when he was twelve, then moved on to Boston seven years later. After schooling back in England and in Ohio, he settled in New York City with his wife Margaret Regan, where he became the writer, illustrator, and poet.
As a frequent contributor to The Mentor, Life, and Ladies' Home Journal, he sometimes signed his artwork as "O Herford". In 1906 he wrote and illustrated the Little Book of Bores. He also wrote short poems like The Chimpanzee and The Hen, as well as writing and illustrating The Rubaiyat of a Persian Kitten (1904) and Excuse It Please (1930). His sister Beatrice Herford was also a humorist.
Ethel Mumford and Addison Mizner wrote a small book The Cynic's Calendar of Revised Wisdom for 1903 as a Christmas present and added Herford's name as an author as a joke. The printer made up more copies to sell and to everyone's surprise it was an astounding success. When Herford found out about it he wanted 90% of the royalties. He was awarded an equal third.
“Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.”
“I sometimes think the Pussy-Willows greyAre Angel Kittens who have lost their way,And every Bulrush on the river bankA Cat-Tail from some lovely Cat astray.”
“At evening when the lamp is lit,The tired Human People sitAnd doze, or turn with solemn looksThe speckled pages of their books.Then I, the Dangerous Kitten, prowlAnd in the Shadows softly growl,And roam about the farthest floorWhere Kitten never trod before.And, crouching in the jungle damp,I watch the Human Hunter’s camp,Ready to spring with fearful roarAs soon as I shall hear them snore.And then with stealthy tread I crawlInto the dark and trackless hall,Where 'neath the Hat-tree's shadows deepUmbrellas fold their wings and sleep.A cuckoo calls — and to their densThe People climb like frightened hens,And I'm alone — and no one caresIn Darkest Africa — downstairs.”
“When I grow up I mean to beA Lion large and fierce to see.I'll mew so loud that Cook in fright Will give me all the cream in sight.And anyone who dares to say'Poor Puss' to me will rue the day.Then having swallowed him I'll creepInto the Guest Room Bed to sleep.”
“Modesty is the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.”
“A kiss is a course of procedure cunningly devised, for the mutual stopage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.”