Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller was a Golden Globe-nominated American comedienne considered to be one of the pioneers of female stand-up comedy. She created a stage character persona that was a wild-haired, eccentrically-dressed housewife who made jokes about a fictional husband named "Fang" while smoking from a long cigarette holder. Another distinct characteristic is her cackling laugh, one of the best-recognized in comedy. Diller is given credit for opening the doors for the stand-up comedy field to women such as Rita Rudner, Totie Fields, Joan Rivers, Lily Tomlin, Sandra Bernhard, Joy Behar, Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne Barr.
“A smile is a curve that sets things right.”
Phyllis Diller
“It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.”
Phyllis Diller
“Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.”
Phyllis Diller
“Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.”
Phyllis Diller
“Money's scarceTimes are hardHere's your fuckingXmas card”
Phyllis Diller
“My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.”
Phyllis Diller
“We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.”
Phyllis Diller
“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”
Phyllis Diller
“Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?”
Phyllis Diller
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
Phyllis Diller
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
Phyllis Diller
“Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.”
Phyllis Diller
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
Phyllis Diller
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
Phyllis Diller
“I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.”
Phyllis Diller