Rick Riordan

“I'll show them 'love is worthless,'" Silena Beauregard grumbled as she strapped on her armor. "I'll pulverize them!”

“He gave me the brochure. It was about the Hunters of Artemis. The front read, A WISE CHOICE FOR YOUR FUTURE! Inside were pictures of young maidens doing hunter stuff, chasing monsters, shooting bows. There were captions like: HEALTH BENEFITS: IMMORTALITY AND WHAT IT MEANS FOR YOU! and A BOY-FREE TOMORROW!"I found that in Annabeth's backpack," Grover said.I stared at him. "I don't understand.""Well, it seems to me… maybe Annabeth was thinking about joining."I'd like to say I took the news well.The truth was, I wanted to strangle the Hunters of Artemis one eternal maiden at a time.”

“There!" Apollo pointed. "Long Island, dead ahead. Let's slow down, dear. 'Dead' is only an expression.”

“This is so cool!" Nico said, jumping up and down in the driver's seat. "Is this really the sun? I thought Helios and Selene were the sun and moon gods. How come sometimes it's them and sometimes it's you and Artemis?""Downsizing," Apollo said. "The Romans started it. They couldn't afford all those temple sacrifices, so they laid off Helios and Selene and folded their duties into our job descriptions. My sis got the moon. I got the sun. It was pretty annoying at first, but at least I got this cool car.""But how does it work?" Nico asked. "I thought the sun was a big fiery ball of gas!"Apollo chuckled and ruffled Nico's hair. "That rumor probably got started because Artemis used to call me a big fiery ball of gas.”

“Zoe ordered the Hunters to start loading. She picked up her camping pack, and Apollo said, "Here, sweetheart. Let me get that."Zoe recoiled. Her eyes flashed murderously."Brother," Artemis chided. "You do not help my Hunters. You do not look at, talk to, or flirt with my Hunters. And you do not call them sweetheart.”

“Thalia blushed. "Hi, Lord Apollo."Zeus's girl, yes? Makes you my half sister. Used to be a tree, didn't you? Glad you're back. I hate it when pretty girls turn into trees. Man, I remember one time—”

“Little sister!" Apollo called. If his teeth were any whiter he could've blinded us without the sun car. "What's up? You never call. You never write. I was getting worried!"Artemis sighed. "I'm fine, Apollo. And I am not your little sister.""Hey, I was born first.""We're twins! How many millennia do we have to argue—”

“Eternity with Artemis?" He heaved a big sigh.Thalia rolled her eyes. "You satyrs. You're all in love with Artemis. Don't you get that she'll never love you back?""But she's so…into nature," Grover swooned."You're nuts," said Thalia."Nuts and berries," Grover said dreamily. "Yeah.”

“Bianca, camp is cool! It's got a pegasus stable and a sword-fighting arena and… I mean, what do you get by joining the Hunters?"To begin with," Zoe said, "immortality."I stared at her, then at Artemis. "She's kidding, right?"Zoe rarely kids about anything," Artemis said. "My Hunters follow me on my adventures. They are my maidservants, my companions, my sisters-in-arms. Once they swear loyalty to me, they are indeed immortal… unless they fall in battle, which is unlikely. Or break their oath."What oath?" I said.To foreswear romantic love forever," Artemis said. To never grow up, never get married. To be a maiden eternally."Like you?"The goddess nodded.I tried to imagine what she was saying. Being immortal. Hanging out with only middle-school girls forever. I couldn't get my mind around it.”

“You must forgive my Hunters if they do not welcome you," Artemis said. "It is very rare that we would have boys in this camp. Boys are usually forbidden to have any contact with the Hunters. The last one to see this camp…" She looked at Zoe. "Which one was it?"That boy in Colorado," Zoe said. "You turned him into a jackalope."Ah, yes." Artemis nodded, satisfied. "I enjoy making jackalopes.”

“Hey, can I see that sword you were using?"I showed him Riptide, and explained how it turned from a pen into a sword just by uncapping it."Cool! Does it ever run out of ink?""Um, well, I don't actually write with it.""Are you really the son of Poseidon?""Well, yeah.""Can you surf really well, then?"I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh."Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)”

“You weren't able to talk sense into him?"Well, we kind of tried to kill each other in a duel to the death."I see. You tried the diplomatic approach.”

“But how did you know where we were?" Annabeth asked.Advanced planning, my dear. I figured you would wash up near Miami if you made it out of the Sea of Monsters alive. Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.”

“George unhinged his jaw and coughed up a little plastic bottle filled with chewable vitamins."You're kidding," I said. "Are those Minotaur-shaped?"Hermes picked up the bottle and rattled it. "The lemon ones, yes. The grape ones are Furies, I think. Or are they hydras? At any rate, these are potent."”

“Hermes's eyes twinkled. "Martha, may I have the first package, please?"Martha opened her mouth ... and kept opening it until it was as wide as my arm. She belched out a stainless steel canister-an old-fashioned lunch box thermos with a black plastic top. The sides of the thermos were enameled with red and yellow Ancient Greek scenes-a hero killing a lion; a hero lifting up Cerberus, the three-headed dog."That's Hercules," I said. "But how-""Never question a gift," Hermes chided. "This is a collector's item from Hercules Busts Heads. The first season.""Hercules Busts Heads?""Great show." Hermes sighed. "Back before Hephaestus-TV was all reality programming. Of course, the thermos would be worth much more if I had the whole lunch box-”

“Hermes smiled. "I knew a boy once ... oh, younger than you by far. A mere baby, really."Here we go again, George said. Always talking about himself.Quiet! Martha snapped. Do you want to get set on vibrate?Hermes ignored them. "One night, when this boy's mother wasn't watching, he sneaked out of their cave and stole some cattle that belonged to Apollo.""Did he get blasted to tiny pieces?" I asked."Hmm ... no. Actually, everything turned out quite well. To make up for his theft, the boy gave Apollo an instrument he'd invented-a lyre. Apollo was so enchanted with the music that he forgot all about being angry."So what's the moral?""The moral?" Hermes asked. "Goodness, you act like it's a fable. It's a true story. Does truth have a moral?""Um ...""How about this: stealing is not always bad?""I don't think my mom would like that moral."Rats are delicious, suggested George.What does that have to do with the story? Martha demanded.Nothing, George said. But I'm hungry."I've got it," Hermes said. "Young people don't always do what they're told, but if they can pull it off and do something wonderful, sometimes they escape punishment. How's that?”

“The jogger sighed. He pulled out his phone and my eyes got big, because it glowed with a bluish light. When he extended the antenna, two creatures began writhing around it-green snakes, no bigger than earthworms.The jogger didn't seem to notice. He checked his LCD display and cursed. "I've got to take this. Just a sec ..." Then into the phone: "Hello?" He listened. The mini-snakes writhed up and down the antenna right next to his ear.Yeah," the jogger said. "Listen-I know, but... I don't care if he is chained to a rock with vultures pecking at his liver, if he doesn't have a tracking number, we can't locate his package....A gift to humankind, great... You know how many of those we deliver-Oh, never mind. Listen, just refer him to Eris in customer service. I gotta go.”

“Sugar and caffeine. My willpower crumbled.”

“Your uncle," Poseidon sighed, "has always had a flair for dramatic exits. I think he would've done well as the god of theater.”

“Have you any idea how much my kingdom has swollen in this past century alone, how many subdivisions I've had to open?"I opened my mouth to respond, but Hades was on a roll now.More security ghouls," he moaned. "Traffic problems at the judgment pavilion. Double overtime for the staff. I used to be a rich god, Percy Jackson. I control all the precious metals under the earth. But my expenses!"Charon wants a pay raise," I blurted, just remembering the fact. As soon as I said it, I wished I could sew up my mouth.Don't get me started on Charon!" Hades yelled. "He's been impossible ever since he discovered Italian suits! Problems everywhere, and I've got to handle all of them personally. The commute time alone from the palace to the gates is enough to drive me insane! And the dead just keep arriving. No, godling. I need no help getting subjects! I did not ask for this war.”

“Why can't you place a blessing like that on us?" I asked."It only works on wild animals.""So it would only affect Percy," Annabeth reasoned."Hey!" I protested.”

“You're pretty smug, Lord Ares, for a guy who runs from Cupid statues.”

“I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhhh!”

“Great, I thought. We just blowtorched a national monument.”

“Your head is full of kelp.”

“Meat!" he said scornfully. "I'm a vegetarian."You eat cheese enchiladas and aluminum cans," I reminded him.Those are vegetables.”

“What I did next was so impulsive and dangerous I should've been named ADHD poster child of the year.”

“Remind me again-why do you hate me so much?"I don't hate you."Could've fooled me."She folded her cap of invisibility. "Look...we're just not supposed to get along, okay? Our parents are rivals."Why?"She sighed. "How many reasons do you want? One time my mom caught Poseidon with his girlfriend in Athena's temple, which is hugely disrespectful. Another time, Athena and Poseidon competed to be the patron god for the city of Athens. Your dad created some stupid saltwater spring for his gift. My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her."They must really like olives."Oh, forget it."Now, if she'd invented pizza-that I could understand.”

“I've been waiting a long time for a quest, seaweed brain," she said. "Athena is no fan of Poseidon, but if you're going to save the world, I'm the best person to keep you from messing up.”

“But I've never even been to Olympus! Zeus is crazy!"Chiron and Grover glanced nervously at the sky. The clouds didn't seem to be parting around us, as Grover had promised. They were rolling straight over our valley, sealing us in like a coffin lid.Er, Percy ...?" Grover said. "We don't use the c-word to describe the Lord of the Sky.”

“If I had my way," Dionysus said, "I would cause your molecules to erupt in flames. We'd sweep up the ashes and be done with a lot of trouble. But Chiron seems to feel this would be against my mission at this cursed camp: to keep you little brats safe from harm.""Spontaneous combustion is a form of harm, Mr. D," Chiron put in."Nonsense," Dionysus said. "Boy wouldn't feel a thing. Nevertheless, I've agreed to restrain myself. I'm thinking of turning you into a dolphin instead, sending you back to your father.”

“The wood nymph instructors left me in the dust. They told me not to worry about it. They'd had centuries of practice running away from lovesick gods. But still, it was a little humiliating to be slower than a tree. ”

“You assume that it has to be a male god who finds a human female attractive? How sexist is that?”

“Look, I didnt want to be a half-blood.If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom and dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful nasty ways.If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe none of this ever happened.But if you recognize yourself in these pages-if you feel something stirring inside- stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before THEY sense it too, and they'll come for you.Don't say I didn't warn you.-Percy Jackson”

“Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?”

“That's what happens when it snows in Texas lady. It. Freaking. Melts.”

“She wondered if it was her stupid mother, the goddess of love, messing with her thoughts. If Piper started getting urges to read fashion magazines, she was going to have to find Aphrodite and smack her.”

“Green grass breaks through snow,Artemis pleads for my help,I am so cool.”

“I'm the son of Jupiter, I'm a child of Rome, consul to demigods, praetor of the First Legion. I slew the Trojan sea monster, I toppled the black throne of Kronos, and destroyed Titan Krios with my own hand. And now I'm going to destroy you Porphyrion, and feed you to your own wolves.""Wow, dude," Leo muttered, "You been eating red meat?”

“You're the last Olympian,' I said. 'And the most important.'And why is that, Percy Jackson?'Because Hope survives best at the hearth,' I said.”

“It almost made me long for the flying pig.--Percy”

“She (Annabeth) put her hand on my spine, and my skin tingled. I (Percy) moved her fingers to the one spot that grounded me to my mortal life. A thousand volts of electricity seemed to arc through my body.”

“Go Chase A Donut. -Percy Jackson.”

“I turned and found Dionysus standing there, still in his black suit.Walk with me,” he said.Where to?” I asked suspiciously.Just to the campfire,” he said. “I was beginning to feel better, so Ithought I would talk with you a bit. You always manage to annoy me.”Uh, thanks.”

“Chiron insisted that we talk about the Labyrinth in the morning which is like 'Hey, your life's in mortal danger. Sleep tight!”

“Are you guys busy?" Juniper asked. "Well," I said, "we're in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we're trying not to die." "We're not busy," Annabeth said.”

“We'd spent maybe ten minutes together, during which time I'd accidentally swung a sword at her, she'd saved my life, and I'd run away chased by a band of supernatural killing machines. You know, your typical chance meeting.”

“You can tell the future?''More like the future mugs me from time to time.' Rachel said'I speak prophecies. The oracle spirit kind of hijacks me once in a while, and speaks important stuff that doesn't make any sense to anybody. But yeah, the prophecies tell the future.”

“That's it, cupcake. You're going down.”

“Don't worry, goat boy. The milkman is dead.”