Riley Clifford

“Come on," she said, smiling for the first time since she'd stepped on the plane. "We need to get to the bus before Ian plugs his iPod into the speakers."Dan shuddered. "I'd rather face a thousand Vespers than listen to Beethoven.”

“Dorms?" Amy heard Natalie call from behind her. "You're joking, right?""Don't worry," Hamilton said as he raced ahead, carrying both his and Natalie's suitcases. "Madison doesn't sleepwalk anymore.""Bring that back!" Natalie shouted as she ran after him. "I'm going to stay at the Ritz-Carlton!""Is that where they make the crackers?" Madison asked. "I'm coming, too!”

“Hi!" she said, a bit louder than she meant to. Ian raised one eyebrow and Amy felt the beginnings of a blush. She started to give Ian a hug, but he had already bent forward to kiss her on the cheek. Her sudden movement three him off, and they ended up bumping foreheads. "Sorry," Amy said, turning away so Ian wouldn't see that her face had turned bright red."Quite all right. I had forgotten you do things differently across the pond." He took a step back to look at Amy. "I take it jeans are the latest in evening wear here in the wild west?" He made an exaggerated show of narrowing her eyes. "Is that a juice stain on your blouse? How fetching.”

“Ouch!" Amy yelped, causing Hamilton to release her. "Sorry," she said, smiling as she rubbed her shoulder. "I'm just a little sore."Madison nodded gravely. "Smart peole books are pretty heavy.”

“Whoa," Madison whistled, craning her neck to examine the chandelier."This is even fancier than Red Lobster," Reagan said in awe."Look at this rich people's hockey-stick holder," Madison said as she ran a slightly grubby finger along the edge of the antique umbrella stand. "I want one!”

“I'm going to hang up now," she said quietly."Fine.""Good-bye, Ian," she said.He paused again. She thought she heard something like a sniff or a choke, but it was probably the sound of him tearing up his plane ticket. "Good-bye, Amy."She hung up the phone: Dan and Nellie were quiet."Well, think about it," said Dan. "Did you really want Natalie Kabra as a sister-in-law?”

“I'm throwing out this bottle rocket.""No, wait!" Dan said, reaching for it. "It hasn't been set off yet. Don't waste it, Amy. And we don't have company coming—we have Ian Kabra coming. And I know you want to totally impress him and take him to the movies and stare dreamily into his eyes—""I do not," Amy said, too quickly."Oh, Ian," Dan said, pressing his lightsaber to his chest and batting his eyes. "Tell me again about your shiny, shiny shoes.”

“He looked back at the mirror. "I know it's completely ridiculous, but I can't keep quiet about it any longer. Your closet looks like it was put together by a blind nun, and your brother acts like a cross between a monkey and a go-kart, and you have the social skills of a rock. But I like you, Amy. Quite—quite a bit." He paused. "So, congratulations.”

“Ian Kabra had charm, wealth, and stunning good looks. But he couldn't move one stubborn cow out of the middle of the road.”

“There stood Dan alone, with a ninja mask pulled over his face. Fifteen hissing bottle rockets were pointed right them."Screaming bottle of death-jutsu!" Dan yelled.”

“Dan opened the Zippo and lit the fuse.It hissed for half a seconds, then the rocket shot screaming away.Crack!"Over there!" One of the kidnappers shouted.Amy started to rise. "Let's go!""Wait," Dan said, aiming the second rocket. "It's a two-part plan." He lit the fuse and the rocket shot off in the direction of the would-be kidnappers."Auuuurrrrgghh!""Run now!" Dan said.Amy and Dan burst from the dumpster and scrambled for the entrance of the lot. Looking behind him, Dan saw that one of the kidnappers was frantically fanning his butt, which was smoking slightly."Part two was completely unnecessary, wasn't it?" Amy yelled as they ran."Yup!”

“Where'd you get that lighter?" she demanded."Frida," Dan said, closing it. "She left it behind. Remember how she was always talking about outdoorsy stuff? She said she kept a water-resistant lighter on her at all times, in case she needed emergency fire."There was a short beat of silence in the dumpster."Huh," said Dan. "Except probably now.”

“Grace has way weirder people than me coming in and out all the time," Dan said. "You, on the other hand, are as boring as it gets. If Grace is worried about anyone cramping her style, I'd point to the gloomy nerd reading about Chucklesky.""Tchaikovsky. He composed the score for the ballet The Nutcracker."Dan thre his hands up. "How am I supposed to get any better at making you sound like a loser if you just do all the work for me?”

“Ninja Assasins Incorporated, Dan Cahill speaking. Who would you like offed today?”