Robert Lynn Asprin

“I should of known he was married. I mean, nobody that young is THAT bald unless he's got a wife at home.”

“I have also noted, over the course of our friendship, that his hearing is curiously erratic. He can hear a lizard-bird scratching itself half a mile away, but occasionally seems unable to hear the politest of requests no matter how loudly I shout them at him.”

“Now that we've got the whole story," he said solemnly, "now you can panic.”

“Relax, Stranger. Things are not as they seem.”

“Relax, Skeeve! This'll be easy, Skeeve! Trust me, Skeeve!' Boy Aahz, when you miss a call you don't do it small, do you?""Shut up, kid!”

“Run through those time measurements again," Aahz grumbled."In seconds, minutes, hours....""Minutes! We've got a few minutes.”

“Went with one (Assassin) for a while... lovely lass, but she couldn't keep her mouth shut, even in bed. Sometimes I wonder if any profession really guards its secrets as closely as they claim.”

“Please ta meetcha, kid. I'm Aahz.""Oz?""No Relation.""No relation to what?" I asked, but he was examining the room again.”

“The Demon curled its lips back, revealing a double row of needle-sharp teeth.I considered changing my chosen course of action; I considered fainting.”

“Earthquakes were extremely uncommon in this area. A dragon and a unicorn playing tag wasn't.”

“Well, kid," Aahz said, sweeping me with an appraising stare, "it looks like we're stuck with each other. The setup isn't ideal, but it's what we've got. Time to bite the bullet and play with the cards we're dealt. You do know what cards are, don't you?""Of course," I said, slightly wounded."Good.""What's a bullet?”

“One of the worst ways of being aroused from sound sleep, is by the noise of a dragon and a unicorn playing tag.”

“C'mon kid. Think a minute, even if it hurts.”

“There's gotta be a way out of this dungeon."- G. Gygax”

“Don't pick up hitchhikers!"- D. Adams”

“Meanwhile, back at reality..."- G.Lucas”

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall take flack from both sides."- Unofficial UN Motto”

“To Serve and Protect..."- Traditional Motto of Protection Rackets”

“Just a little off the top!"- A. Boleyn”

“They never let you live it down. One little mistake!"- Nero”

“Everybody needs a career manager."- Lady Macbeth”

“My colleagues and I feel that independents like ElfQuest are nothing but sheep in wolves' clothing."- S. Lee”

“We've got an unbeatable team."- Sauron”

“When old friends get together, everything else fades to insignificance."- War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death”

“Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior."- Hun, A. T.”

“Numerical superiority is of no consequence. In battle, victory will go to the best tactician."- G. A. Custer”

“To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader."- Capt. Bligh(ret.)”