Rose Christo

“You can't change who you are, can you? That would require changing the people who made you along the way. That would mean discrediting everything they ever gave you.”

“Just don't eat all of it," Ram fusses. "It could be tampered with. You should show it to your dad first, he'll know--""Ram has Seahorse Syndrome," Sahara tells me wisely."What's that?" I ask."In seahorses the dad's the one who gets pregnant and has babies. We learned about it in life science class. Ram thinks he's a mother hen. So he must be a seahorse.”

“His words slow my pulse. His fingers, square and even, feel nonpareil entwined with mine. He is symmetry. He is color."Never," I tell him. "I will never go away.""You're sure about that?""I'm sure I can't live with a Ram-sized hole in my chest.""That would be a pretty big hole, I think," Ram says."Don't be so sure. You're short.""Hey," Ram protests."I worry for you on carnival rides.""I get on carnival rides just fine, thanks.""The operator doesn't stop you?""Tim," He pauses. "Sometimes.”

“We'd better go," I say. "It's time for you to make Hmong babies."Toua pulls free from my grasp. "You little--""Go. Further the great Flower Clan. The mountainous homeland will sing from your victorious loins.""You're disgusting!”

“I don't like this, Toua," I go on. "We're like birds that have flown a very long way from their nest. We're like nettles in a garden full of hops. We shouldn't have to hide who we are. Our faces are unseen.”

“Coldness settles again in my stomach. I do not want a nice Hmong girl. I want a nice Egyptian boy who teaches me about colors and makes me appreciate poetry. I want the nice Egyptian boy who stops in the middle of the day to say "Thank you, God. For everything.”

“You don't pray?" Ram asks."Which one should I pray to," I say flatly, "the dragon, or the fairy?"Ram stares at me.I tug on my ponytail. "That's our religion," I explain, suddenly self-conscious. "A mountain fairy married a dragon. That's where we all come from." I can see the shy smile poking at Ram's lips. "You're half-fairy?""And half-dragon," I remind him."Right. Definitely.”

“Sometimes an adventure is a mundane thing. A trip to the shore with your best friend. Learning you can laugh in unearthly ways.”

“You ought to sue.""I don't know how to sew. I tried it once and I almost put my eye out."If there is one thing Sahara Soto and Kerry Thompson have in common, it's their complete idiocy. In the girl's case, it's endearing.”

“A dam inside my own heart opened up, and the feelings of heaviness and unease lifted like wind against the winter sky. I loved him. I loved his slow wit and his gruff demeanor and his tender disposition. I loved his endless empathy and his world-weary cynicism and his innocence. I loved that he was a walking, breathing paradox. I loved his lank hair and his iron earring and the tooth missing at the back of his mouth. I loved the way he laughed, music incomparable to any song, and the way he smiled, like you could see the child in him and the animal in him and the man in him all at once. I loved that he listened to crappy music, the kind that made me want to put my head through a wall, and I loved the charcoal stains on his knuckles and the pencils he tucked behind his ears. I loved that he told me to shut up as though I could actually say anything. I loved that he made me feel as though I could. I loved his short fingers and his rough palms and his long legs and his flat belly. I loved that he liked to read Kerouac but didn't know how to pronounce Kerouac. I loved his brown skin and his blue tattoos and his tempestuous blue eyes. I loved that he loved the land. I loved him. I loved him. Oh, God. I loved him.”

“Seventeen years. That's how long I've known him. That's how long I've loved him. Seventeen years later and he still makes my heart feel giddy and weightless. Seventeen years later and my favorite place in the world is still the safety of his arms.Seventeen years later and I'm still a sappy idiot. Go figure.”

“In Shoshone, there's a saying. It's a long one, and it doesn't have an English equivalent, so bear with me.Sutummu tukummuinna. It means, I don't speak your language, and you don't speak mine. But I still understand you. I don't need to walk in your footsteps if I can see the footprints you left behind.”

“I'm always gonna protect you. And I'm always gonna protect that little girl. There's no way in hell I'll let that woman get her hands on her.""Rafael," I said."Yeah?" "You are the most wonderful person I've ever known."It took him a moment to answer me--and when he did, I though he sounded bashful."I'd better be," he said. "Because, you know. That's what you deserve.”

“I picked up my flute and smiled, eyebrows dancing. "Why don't you show her your straight dance?""Is there a gay dance, too?" Mickey asked.”

“I don't know what you're talking about. I just like animals," Rafael said. "So does Sky, except he's kind of a hippie soulbonder about it.”

“The shaman helps you figure it out. I already know what I'm going to be."I prodded him in the ribs. He couldn't just leave me hanging like that."A speech therapist." he said.The whole world could have stopped. I wouldn't have noticed.Rafael gave me an unusually stoic look. "I'm going to get your voice back someday," he said. "I though that was obvious.”

“I was going to punch the shit out him," he told me. I could feel his voice vibrating against my skin. "Luke. I didn't though. You know why?"I'd wondered about that."You asked me not to. Last summer. Remember? You gave me that note. 'Stop punching people.' It's the only thing you've ever asked me to do. I can do that much for you. I think I'd do anything for you.”

“It's not blood that makes us who we are," Dad said. "It's family. And it's not blood that makes us family. It's love.”

“Mr. Red Clay smiled; I had the impression it was meant to hide a smirk. "You'll forgive me for saying this," he said, "but I don't put much stock in this country's education system. There's a reason why American schools are ranked twenty-first in the entire world. Let me put it this way, Skylar. There are only three things you need to know in life. Who you are, how the world works, and how you can change it.”

“He's like...'I thought you were just friends.' You are my friend. You're my best friend. Why doesn't he get that? Anyway...I think he wants your dad to rally with him. I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a damn about the dry rot in the basement."I quirked the corner of my mouth dubiously. Dad rallying with Gabriel was pretty unlikely, considering the lengths he had gone to in proving his approval.Rafael took one look at me, horrified, and I knew we were on the same wavelength. He whispered: "If your dad gives my uncle the safe sex talk...”

“You'll have to forgive me," Dad said. His mouth was moving very little, a sign that he was tense. "I'm not...familiar with...the protocol. For boys like you. But I..."I felt my face turning red. No, no, no. Quit while you're ahead, Dad. Please."I'm sure you have...urges," Dad went on. "All teenage boys have...urges. I don't know whether you've...tried anything--"I said please!"Just as long as you're safe. That's very important. You still have to be safe, even if you're both boys. I don't know what really...um, entails. You know. How you...do things. I could look it up for you--"I clapped my hand over Dad's mouth. I took him by his arm, my face burning, and dragged him back to the field.”

“I glanced over his shoulder to get a look at his latest drawing. A wolf and a coyote stood side by side beneath a dual sky, sun and moon shining at the same time."They're brothers," Rafael said. He laid his charcoal on the grass. "Wolf is wise and judicious. Coyote's a trickster. They're the two faces of God. Everything in the world is dual-natured. Even God isn't all good or all bad."He told me about how the sun used to be married to the moon before they quarreled and parted ways, leaving the sun to rule the world at day and the moon at night. He told me how the Wolf had sewn us all out of seeds and put us in a cloth bag to keep us safe, but the Coyote had clawed the bag open and everyone had spilled out, landing and taking root in different parts of the world. He told me about the girl with Two Faces, one half of her face devastatingly beautiful, the other half impossibly ugly, and the man who lover her anyway. He told me about the days when death lacked permanence and ten different generations lived together beneath the same stars.He talked, as he always talked, without any real purpose, clearing his head of the cluttering thoughts that had gathered and built up until he could pour them into me.”

“He broke away from my mouth and trailed his lips down the front of my throat. I felt his lips close around my scars. He kissed away their ugliness. His lips parted in tingling butterfly kisses that drained the strength from my knees. I realized he was mouthing words against my skin. Not words. Just one word.Mine.”

“I was shaking when our lips parted and he leaned his forehead against mine, his fingers carding through my hair, my hands on his face. "I won't let them," Rafael said. "I won't let anyone take you away. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you. I don't care how. I just will.”

“I grabbed his hand and dragged him down the street to a convenience shop. I abandoned him once inside and went down the stationery aisle. I'd already known I wanted to get him some colored pencils, but now I finally had the occasion to do it. Not long after I'd picked out a big box of them, I heard Rafael call out from another part of the store, "Trojans? Like The Iliad?"I didn't waste a second finding him and pulling him out of that aisle.”

“He always knew what I would have liked to say, and with startling and increasing accuracy as we spent more time together. One time, for example, I was wondering exactly how he had lost that tooth at the back of his mouth when he saw my eyes on his waning grin and replied, "Ran into a fence when I was twelve." And then I wondered how the heck he could have missed the giant fence standing right in front of him and he said, "Shut up.”

“Some dumbass outside the reserve thinks you're wearing a butterfly on your arm, you'll get your ass kicked," Rafael said.”

“What?" he said. "You let me draw all over your arm in permanent ink, but I hand you a vegetable and you chicken out?”