Sam Pink

“Every time I leave the apartment, I mistake the tree stump across the street for two people kissing/holding each other. I’ve forgotten every time that it’s a tree stump. I’m disappointed every time it’s a tree stump.”

“from the poem: MANNEQUINS THAT SWEAT BLACK INK AND NEVER HAVE ANY FUN If you put a twizzler in your ear it looks like your ear is vomiting blood.”

“i am proud of my ability to be mean to myself, so i feel like i am not interested in protecting myself and maybe that’s a friendly quality because i don’t want to be a liar to people. i think the phrase “i am not important, so be nice” all the time.- from "Sam Pink Is the Dictator – An Interview with Sam Pink”

“And I lie down on your carpet so long that you think I will stay forever but I get up and I see the indentation in the carpet and I get jealous and say, "I am no longer needed here.”

“And I saw my reflection in a lake and I waited for it to freeze a little bit so I could break it with my boot.”

“My ideal date would involve painful silence. My ideal date wouldn't involve me.”

“If I ever find a dead horse, I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of it.”

“I walk down the hallway and go into my room and call it a day and it calls me something else.”

“My history is the history of things imagined and not-happened.”

“Not quite a piece of shit myself, but the streak for sure. For sure the area the shit passes over and leaves behind parts of itself.”

“Three days ago, I was fired from my job teaching at a college because one of my studentsbet me that you don’t cum when you get a prostate exam and it took me seven minutesto prove that dumb fucking kid wrong. It was hard to touch my own prostate, butultimately, I was correct. I came onto the floor and onto the person in the desk up front.I said, “Kids, that is what is known as ‘empirical evidence’.”

“And I realize that there is nothing to worry about without first wanting to be alive a certain way.That is somewhat relaxing to think.”

“If I ever find a dead horse, I am going to beat the fucking shit out of it.”

“from the poem Holographic Personality Disgrace: Some people are such assholes that saying, "Look, again, I'm sorry I cut off my thumb and glued it to your baby's head because I thought you'd like him better as a unicorn" means nothing to them.”