Sara Bell

“I was walking home alone late one night, when out of nowhere, this rabid homosexual jumped me and bit me right on the ass. I tried to fight him off, but you know those homos have superhuman strength. Anyway, he bit me on my left cheek, then took off. The whole thing shook me up, but I thought I was gonna be okay. It took me a few weeks to notice the changes. At first the signs were subtle: the sudden urge to redecorate my room, the uncontrollable desire to do Megan's hair. Then, as the phases of the moon progressed, I noticed other things: the need to wear lace panties, the insane hope of one day owning my own flower shop. Before I knew it, I was jacking off six times a day to pictures of Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe. Of course, I won't be a full fledged gay boy until I bite someone else and pass on the 'dark gift. Hey, Rooster, you wanna be my first convert? If I turn just four people, I win like a toaster oven or something..”

“You, Aaron, are a revolving SOB.Doesn't she mean revolting? Harlan leaned in to whisper.Afraid not, Travis said. You'll see.You're a son-of-a-bitch no matter which way you turn.”

“Hell, Tate hadn't been to church in so long, he even wasn't sure they still held it on Sundays.”

“Megan had accustomed herself to receiving the third degree about her dates. His name is Dillon Carver.He's the same age as me, and also a senior. He has no family history of insanity or premature baldness. He doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs, but he does have a vicious Dr Pepper habit. I'll let you know how big his penis is after the dance.”

“Don't you think it's time you got out of your own way? Time you stop ending things before they start, time you stopped imagining the worst-case scenario, and giving in without a fight?""And if things turn out as bad as I imagine they might?""Then you chalk it up to shit happening and get on with your life.”