Sean Keogh

“I wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.”

“If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.”

“Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons: to them you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”

“There are few personal problems that can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosive.”

“If I explained it to you, your brain would explode.”

“Politics: A combination of "poli" meaning many, and "tics" meaning irritating little bugs.”

“Keep smiling... it makes people wonder what you're up to.”

“Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.”

“Never interrupt someone who is making a mistake.”

“I haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on disk somewhere.”

“I think, therefore I am... not related to you.”

“Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.”

“You can't be late until you show up.”

“The reason people get lost in thought is that it's unfamiliar territory.”

“If you think things can't get any worse, you have no imagination.”

“According to my best recollection, I don't remember.”

“Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humor.”

“If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.”

“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam me up my clothes.”

“I thought I had made a mistake, but I was mistaken.”

“How did the fool and his money get together in the first place?”

“People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do.”

“Whoever said you can't buy happiness has never been shopping.”

“My programs don't have bugs... they have random features.”

“This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.”

“I took an IQ test and the result came back negative.”