Seth Grahame-Smith

“It is their nature, beautiful and simple. That you would destroy such beings, Mr. Lincoln, such superior creatures, seems madness to me.”“That you speak of them with such reverence, Mr. Poe, seems madness to me.”"Can you imagine it? Can you imagine seeing the universe through such eyes? Laughing in the face of time and death—the world your Garden of Eden? Your library? Your harem?”

“It was a sort of peace I have rarely enjoyed since. As if we were the only two souls on earth—all of nature ours to enjoy. I wondered why a creator who had dreamt such beauty would have slandered it with such evil. Such grief. Why He had not been content to leave it unspoilt. I still wonder.”

“It is a strange thing how quickly our bodies die. How fragile a force our presence is. In an instant the soul is gone - leaving an empty, insignificant vessel in its stead. I have read of those sent to the gallows and guillotines of Europe. I have read of the great war of ages past and men slaughtered by the tens of thousands. And we give but fleeting consideration to such deaths, for it is our nature to banish such thoughts. But in doing so, we forget that they were each as alive as we, and the one length of rope - or bullet - or blade, took the whole of their lives in that one, fragile instant. Took their earliest days as swaddled infants, and their grayest unfulfilled futures. When one think of how many souls have suffered this fate in all of history - of the untold murders of untold men, women and children.. it is too much to bear.”

“Melancholy,my old friend,visits frequent,once again.”

“Without death,' he answered, 'life is meaningless. It is a story that can never be told. A song that can never be sung. For how would one finish it?”

“The bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird.”

“Prolonging death was akin to prolonging an orgasm. The closer you could bring the victim to the finish line without crossing it, the better it”

“I’m not interested in what you know,” said Herod. “I’m interested in watching you scream.” “Then you’re going to be disappointed.” “We’ll see,” said Herod with a smile.”

“Nothing would surprise him. Nothing could anymore. But it didn’t matter. Even if it meant the most painful, hideous death a human being had ever experienced, they weren’t getting the baby, and they weren’t getting her. Twenty yards… He gripped the handle of his sword tightly…​breathed deep of the desert air. Okay, Balthazar…let’s die.”

“If the wise men mounted their camels now, they could escape, no question. But Balthazar hadn’t ridden into Bethlehem to run. He’d come to kill every last one of them, or die trying.”

“The true roll in determing to embrace or reject anything is not whether it have any evil in it but whether it have more of evil than of good. There are few things wholly evil or wholly good.”

“Let us pray now for the future dead. Though we do not yet know their names, we know that there shall be far too many of them.”

“Abraham," he said. "I'm pleased to see you alive, old friend.""And I to see you dead.”

“I have read of the great wars of ages past, and men slaughtered by the tens of thousands. And we give but fleeting consideration to their deaths, for it is our nature to banish such thoughts.”

“This is one hell of a suicide note.THE SUICIDE SOLILOQUY-Yes! I've resolved the deed to do, And this the place to do it;The heart I'll rush a dagger throughThough I in hell should rue it!Sweet steel! Come forth from out your sheath,And glist'ning, speak your powers;Rip up the organs of my breath,And draw my blood in showers!I strike! It quivers in that heartWhich drives me to this end;I draw and kiss the bloody dart,My last-my only friend!”

“The more precious His gift, the more anxious God for its return.”

“So long as this country is cursed with slavery, so too will it be cursed with vampires.”

“Most men have no purpose but to exist, Abraham; to pass quietly through history as minor characters upon a stage they cannot even see”

“I fear that a life of death has made me numb to both.”

“However, it has long been said that "my enemy's enemy is my friend.”

“The day Henry made a choice... that some men are just too interesting to die.”

“These fools who haven't the slightest idea how to live the morals they espouse. These fools who proclaim themselves men of God, yet show not the slightest reverance to His word...Is it any different from a drunkard preaching temperance? A whore preaching modesty?”

“Of all the weapons she had commanded, Elizabeth knew the least of love; and of all the weapons in the world, love was the most dangerous.”

“There are but two types of men who desire war: those who haven’t the slightest intention of fighting it themselves, and those who haven’t the slightest idea what it is. … Any man who has seen the face of death knows better than to seek him out a second time.”

“for he saw in Elizabeth's eyes a kind of darkness; a kind of absence-as if her soul had taken leave, so that compassion and warmth could not interfere.”

“Judge us not equally, Abraham. We may all deserve hell, but some of us deserve it sooner than others”

“This is a most unfortunate affair, and will probably be much talked of. But we must stem the tide of idle chatter, and pour into our wounded bosoms the soothing balm of vengeance.”

“On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when hespeaks. And there is something of dignity in the way his trousers cling to those most English partsof him.”

“Elizabeth andDarcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms aroundher. She was frozen-"What does he mean to do?" she thought. But his intentions wererespectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess, which Elizabeth had affixed toher back during her walk. She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it tohim. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered,"They belong to you, Miss Bennet." Upon this, their colour changed, and they were forced to lookaway from one another, lest they laugh.”

“
…Abe didn’t say a word. He made straight for his journal and wrote down a single sentence. One that would radically alter the course of his life, and bring a fledgeling nation to the brink of collapse.
I hereby resolve to kill every vampire in America.”

“My sisters and I cannot spend any substantial time searching for Wickham, as we are each commanded by His Majesty to defend Hertfordshire from all enemies until such time as we are dead, rendered lame, or married.”

“Elizabeth lifted her skirt, disregarding modesty, and delivered a swift kick to the creature's head.”

“Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry; and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her. He really believed, that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, he should be in some danger of falling in love, and were it not for his considerable skill in the deadly arts, that he should be in danger of being bested by hers--for never had he seen a lady more gifted in the ways of vanquishing the undead.”

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”

“I would much prefer their minds to be engaged in the deadly arts than clouded with dreams of marriage and fortune, as your own so clearly is!”

“The business of Mr. Bennett's life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennett's was to get them married.”

“What an excellent father you have, girls!' said she, when the door was shut. 'Such joys are scarce since the good Lord saw fit to close the gates of Hell and doom the dead to walk amongst us.”

“He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult.”

“Elizabeth sheathed her sword, knelt behind him, and strangled him to death with his own large bowel.”

“I dare say she means to keep you from his attentions. Your honour demands she be slain.”

“Some people say "if we split up,we can cover more ground"-with blood”

“I leave you, hoping that the lamp of liberty will burn in your bosoms until there shall no longer be a doubt that all mean are created free and equal.”

“Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett.”

“It may perhaps be pleasant, but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity.”

“I know of nobody that is coming, I am sure, unless Charlotte Lucas should happen to call in- and I am sure my dinners are good enough for her, since she is an unmarried woman of seven-and-twenty, and as such should expect little more than a crust of bread washed down with a cup of loneliness.”

“We pore through libraries, dissecting the classics" Henry Sturges- vampire”

“Father may have been wanting in some things, but here he was masterful. Night upon night, I marveled at his power to hold listeners in rapt attention. He could tell a story with such detail, such flourish, that afterwards a man could swear it had been his own memory, and not a tale at all.”

“Contrary to his infallibly "honest" image, Abe wasn't above lying so long as it served a noble purpose.”

“Living men are bound by time... Thus, their lives have an urgency. This gives them ambition. Makes them choose those things that are most important, cling more tightly to that which they hold dear. Their lives have seasons, and rites of passage, and consequences. And ultimately, an end. But what of a life with no urgency? What then of ambition? What then of love?”

“Miss Bennet, I am quite aware of your superior talent for cutting down the Lord's forsaken flock. I merely mean to spare your gown.'Thank you,' said Elizabeth, composing herself, 'but I should rather my gown be soiled than my honor.”