Sharde Richardson

Bio in 140 characters or less: Somewhere in the cosmic collision of life, God saw fit to make another Alabamian.

The nitty: An Alabamian who loves cheese and life. She works in a nursing home and steals stories from the elderly in exchange for sponge baths. Next year her debut YA novel, Watched, will be released.

The nitty-gritty: She grew-up in the South. Almost as far south as you can get. She says things like "y'all" and "ain't" and "shut the front door"(which is more or less an expression of shock). She married a giant man and they have one, semi-giant son who's sometimes called Cluckey or The Child. During the daytime hours she works in a nursing home with the elderly.(Side note: She wants to inform you never, under any circumstances, be late for a sponge bath or try to take their dentures. The elderly are very protective of their dentures.)At night, she churns out stories and conspires to take over the world from the confines of her computer room.

Some quick and dirty facts:

1. She once severed her pinky toe and had it sewn back on.

2. Her worst vice is the use of four letter words. In public. Around children.(Rest assured, she is getting a handle on this.)

3. Since sixteen, she's had over thirty speeding tickets. She's twenty-four and counting, by the way.

4. Her wisdom teeth are intact.

5. She's had several affairs on her husband. All were with dairy products and various forms of cheese.

6. Sharde is lactose intolerant.

7. She likes to visit cemeteries.

8. One year, Sharde won a trip to Hawaii by guessing the mystery flavor of a Starburst.

9. Sometimes she buys groceries barefoot.

10. She is neither an Alabama nor Auburn College football fan.

11. Sharde once wet her pants in a Chinese restaurant after laughing at one of her husband's jokes.

12. As a kid, her favorite TV show was Bonanza. Ah, the joys of being reared by grandparents.

13. She's an American without all the fancy prefixes.

14. There are random notes all over her house with unfinished scenes from stories. Or from her dreams.

15. Sometimes she eavesdrops on other people's conversations to make her dialogue sound authentic.

16. She write stories that she likes to read. She knows that this is selfish.

17. Sharde laughs at gore. Case in point: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 film was another instance in which she wet her pants.

18. No other voice but Sam Elliot's could narrate her life.