Shawn Keenan photo

Shawn Keenan

Here's a list of things that could be about me. Only three of them are true.

Plane crash survivor, heir to a bowling alley empire, aspiring novelist, Natalie Portman restraining order recipient, licensed councellor for depressed dogs, kid at heart, honorary sideshow barker with the Barnum and Bailey circus, insecure, and inventor of the plastic things that hold down the carpet in a car's trunk that aren't quite screws but work like them.


“Would you like to tie my hands and drag me out like your prisoner? You’ll look like the hero, and I might get a cheap thrill. - Kip to Abbey -”
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“I’m really appreciative you’re taking me and everything, but I’m not exactly a beck-and-call girl. - Abbey to Kip -”
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“If you’re looking to make a little money on the side like I do, you might want to apply somewhere else. You’d have to wax your legs to make this dress work on you. - Abbey to Kip -”
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“That's a pretty serious club, requiring tattoos. I thought only math club did that. - Jayke to Amber-”
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“Why don't you just put me down for a couple of boxes of cookies and go earn your next patch bothering someone else." - Jayke Wolff”
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“She looks like she bathes. Maybe in a tub of puppies' tears, though. - Jayke Wolff”
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“Don't mind her," Kip said to Nicki. "She's just crabby from the long ride." "Yeah, I've been riding with...I mean on...a horse's ass all day," Abbey quipped.”
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“I can't believe this heat," Abbey said, taking her tunic and pulling it over her head. Underneath was a form-fitting top that showed a figure unaccustomed to idleness or excess. Kip stared at her the way he had at the shiney curves of the steel horse back in the garage. "Can you imagine what it must have been like hundreds of years ago, when weather changed just a few times a year?" she said, wiping sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. "Yeah, it must have looked great," Kip said. "What do you mean looked great?" Abbey said, turning her eye on Kip. "Must have been great, like you said," he corrected.”
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“You're going to be too busy being at my beck and call to worry about doing any driving.”
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“It sounds like you aren't used to having something so powerful between your legs," Abbey said. "Maybe you should let me drive.”
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