Shawn Kirsten Maravel

“In her remorse, she was also willing to admit that she was sad for another reason. She no longer had a reason to see or spend time with Wesley. She would lose her dream house to him and him to the house. It seemed almost tragic how everything had panned out and it made her consider more strongly than she had before that maybe it was a sign that she should take Jerry back. She’d lost her dream and was realizing quickly that in the end that’s all it had ever been and maybe it was time that she finally woke up.”

“For the first stretch of road Olivia’s eyes were sealed shut, her breath held hostage in her lungs.“You might want to open your eyes,” Wesley called back knowingly, his muffled voice breaking through both of their helmets. “And don’t forget to breathe.”

“Do you have the hots for this boy?” her father asked in all seriousness. “Do we need to have him over for dinner so that I can show him my own gun collection?”“Dad.”“Threatening the police isn’t one of your best ideas, Frank,” her mother offered in Olivia’s defense.“He’s not the police, Katy. He’s some hormone driven boy who wants to sweet-talk our daughter into bed so that he can fire off a few rounds of his own.”“Dad!” Olivia’s face grew hot with humiliation.“I’m just speaking the truth, honey. He’s a man. Don’t think he’s never considered it. You’re a beautiful young woman. All I’m saying is that I’d like to send him a little message before he gets any ideas.”Olivia melted into her seat, covering her face with her hands.“Frank, we’re eating.”“Yeah, and?”

“Angling to look out of the window over the sink, Olivia tried to train her face into looking as unfazed by the conversation as possible. “And besides,” she said turning back around. “I—”With a gasp, she found herself pinned between the counter and Wesley’s firm chest. He placed his arms on the counter to either side of her and let a moment of silence pass between them, highlighting her vulnerability as she waited to hear what this was all about. His proximity was threatening. His body a force of nature that boxed her in so tightly that she felt instantly helpless.“It’s just you and me here,” he said in a voice that was deep and menacing. “No one would ever know if I was to take you back into the bedroom, the living room, right here in fact. How could you possibly know how safe you were with a man you only just met?” With his body still pressed to hers, Wesley exuded an animalistic hunger that Olivia was beginning to fear on a very real level.“Please, I—” panic was coursing through her as if it were alive inside of her and she realized that if he meant her harm, she was helpless to stop him.”

“Wesley took a swig of his beer, hoping that maybe the pause might give him time enough to sort out his thoughts. “Well, I never really changed my mind,” he said smoothly. “I never said no.”“I guess I just figured it was implied.”“And why is that?”“I’m pretty sure you’re way out of my league.”Wesley laughed. “I highly doubt that. I don’t even know what league I’m in.”“Well that’s just it. You’re kind of in a league of your own. Your friends; they’re both pretty flirtatious. They openly flirt with all of the waitresses but you’re this serious, focused, badass that doesn’t say more than he has to.”“Wow.” Wesley laughed. “I sound like an asshole.”

“All these years... I was the silent and ever present figure in your life... but you. You've always been the meaning of mine.”

“Maintaining a safe distance, she practiced extreme caution as they headed further and further away from the center of the city. She tried to act casual when passing people on the street while simultaneously keeping an eye on the elusive John Smith. That part wasn’t hard of course because most of the people headed in their direction moved submissively to the other side as her mysterious new neighbor passed. Choking down a feeling of dread, she wondered if she’d be smart to do the same and head back to the apartment. Against her better judgment, Evangeline pushed on.”

“Lying in bed that morning after a long and frantic run home, the door dead bolted, chained, and a chair hooked under the knob for good measure, Evangeline knew that she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. Every creak, every distant sound, drew her attention. Finally, when footsteps sounded from overhead, she watched the ceiling with a tangible fear that John Smith knew what she’d done and that his secret wasn’t safe.”

“Turning the corner, she saw the dark figure of a man, John, pushed up against the side of his bed cast in the light of another stained glass lamp. She fought the simultaneous instinct to jump away and move closer. “You shouldn’t have come,” he said through gritted teeth.“I had to,” she insisted, taking a step forward. “It sounded like you were in trouble.”He laughed without humor. “Damn right I’m in trouble.”

“Pulling her eyes away, she figured it was best to keep such questions to herself. “You could have just, you know, asked me out instead,” she offered, though she wasn’t sure why. John let out a soft chuckle. “Very true. I guess I just…I wanted to keep you safe.”“Safe? From what?” Evangeline suddenly felt heat rush her face. Was this man just paranoid or what? “Safe from this? Or from you?”He looked up, placing his fork down on the plate. His stare was expressionless and she suddenly regretted her brazen accusation. “Both.” His reply had been simple, direct, stern. “Those people who did this to me, they’ll do worse to you if they think that we’re involved…if they think that their message wasn’t clear enough.”

“Unable to fit reason into the words she should probably say next, Evangeline chose instead to say nothing. Taking a long swig of her coffee, she waited for the moment to pass or for John to change the subject. She was prepared to wait an eternity if it meant holding back from saying something stupid. Something she should probably regret but doubted she would.”

“Makes sense," Cal said. "A bike needs to be taken care of just like a woman. Treat her right and she'll bring you happiness you never knew existed. Lock her away and she'll make you suffer a worse fate than hell.”

“Though he wouldn't dare admit that he might have felt more for her. He wasn't ready to care for a person that much when he still didn't care too highly for himself. most days Landon regarded himself as a lost soul, a wanderer. Who could love such a man?”

“There's something in your eyes that scares me,"Max whispired, looking through the window.Landon took her face into his hand and made her look into his eyes "What?" he asked. "What do you see?""Fear," she answered plainly. "I see fear”

“There are certain authors out there whose books I'll read no matter what they're about. More often than not I don't even need to read the blurb to know that I'll love it. It's that kind of confidence in my work that I hope to earn from my readers someday.”

“In life I've always considered myself statistically challenged. I married my high school sweetheart and then he joined the Army. Lucky for me, love has nothing to do with statistics.”

“I was the silent and ever present figure in your life...but you.” I kissed the back of her hand softly and closed my eyes. "You've always been the meaning of mine.”

“Desire and need are two very different things.”

“We are all meant to follow the path we choose, it's why we're given the choice.”

“I have no idea what to wear.""I suggest a whistle, just in case you end up in the trunk of his car.”

“‎''A heart that had chosen its path couldn't be led in any other direction.”

“I never even thought to look for other—oof!” Lunging forward I found myself tripping right over a nice big chunk of nothing. I stumbled forward; my body surged with the heat of concentrated humiliation. Finally I regained my footing and looked awkwardly up at Joel. “Ha,” I said as a failed effort to laugh at myself. With no hesitation Joel turned around and walked over to the spot that I’d tripped. He bent down and took a firm grip on an armful of thin air. He heaved it up into his arms and walked it over to the edge of the sidewalk and tossed it out of the way. He brushed off his hands with vigor and said, “Don’t want anyone else tripping over that invisible log.”

“I’d never been the girl who invited strange men to my house. In fact, I generally took a while to invited guys I was dating over. But Joel had two things that made me want to break my usual protocol; information that could help me and intimate eyes. Clearly friendship was looking more like a plan B.”

“I didn’t really get to experience much where I come from.”“Ohhh….so you’re Amish. Is this like your Rumspringa?” I giggled.“Something like that.” “So you are Amish?”Joel laughed. “No, I’m not Amish.”

“Friends, I told myself. We could be friends. Friends held hands all the time, and I hadn’t given up hope that maybe he could even be gay. Gay would be perfect.”

“Stupid girl, I thought. How many hands must he have held before mine? How many girls must have fallen for a lifetime into those bright green eyes only to hit rock bottom. Girls whose hearts he’d broken and left to pick up the pieces of a shattered fantasy lost to male ego and the need to break more. And this was why my track record with men was so pathetic. It didn’t matter how well crafted the act was, or even how poorly crafted, I always fell. And hard.”

“‎''Your heart is either beating or it's not, your heart never forgets. As long as your heart is beating follow it, it will always stay true to you.”

“‎''I froze. Like an idiot I froze. He was staring right at me. (...) He wore an innocent and mesmerizing smile directed right at me. I did my best to ignore it but having a gorgeously naked man staring at me like I was the only girl in the world was impossible to brush off. ”

“The thirst we shared for one another made it clear that the distraction would only come from deprivation. Charlotte was always on my mind. In my dreams, her name balancing fatally on my lips at all times, the scent of her drove me on through my everyday tasks. It was in denying myself of her soft skin and intoxicating presence that I truly began to lose touch.”

“I pulled my chair up to the table and Alex sat down, following suit, unable to guard a smile from breaking onto his lips. He was handsome; I had to give him that. His hair was perfectly gelled and his face was smooth and free of stubble. I could even detect the scent of cologne, something I knew him to rarely wear. “I didn’t expect you to show up,” he admitted.“Then why’d you invite me?” I hoped that I hadn’t sounded rude.He chuckled and tucked his napkin into his lap. I did the same. “I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment.”

“Joel sat back in his chair and laughed at what seemed to be an inside joke, one in which I wanted very much to be let in on. An amiable smile stretched across his lips quoted by perfect dimples. I stared at him wanting nothing more than to indulge myself in that smile.”

“So, how is it that you don’t have a girlfriend?” I asked boldly.Joel shrugged.“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” There was no way that he’d never had a girlfriend.He shrugged again.“You’re not serious.”“You’re surprised?”“I’m sorry, do you own a mirror?”Joel laughed in that I’ll-never-understand-women kind of way. “I’ve never wanted one,” he admitted, though it seemed that there was more to it.“What? A mirror? Or a girlfriend?”He laughed again, even harder this time. “A girlfriend.”“Are you gay?” He smiled. “No, I’m not gay.”“Oh.” I blushed. Why was I being so nosy all of a sudden?”

“Can I make you some breakfast? Do you like your eggs sunny side up?”“I’m going to start feeling spoiled if you keep up this grovelling. I’ve already forgiven you, you know.”“Oh, I’m not grovelling. I’m just making breakfast. I figured since it’s your kitchen and all it would only be polite to offer you some.”

“If I could get down on my knees and ask for your forgiveness I would,” he said “but I’m afraid that along with misplaced manners, yesterday’s accident has also taken away my ability to grovel properly.”-Landon”

“To be fair, you can tell me what you think of me,” Max offered. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just making a few observations.”“How could I possibly know enough about you to make a proper judgment?” His tone was harsher than he’d anticipated. “You’ve taken a stranger into your home without so much as a second thought and offered everything but your bed. Crazy comes to mind. Suicidal maybe.”Max leaned forward in her chair, readying her defenses. “Excuse me?”“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful here but please remember that you don’t know me. I appreciate all that you’ve done but that doesn’t entitle you to judge me.”“I wasn’t judging you,” she bit back. “But maybe you’re right. I don’t think I thought this through at all.”

“So I see you got to know Trish on a pretty intimate level tonight,” Max said, focusing her attention back on the present as they made their way down the deserted roads back to her house. “She was definitely…friendly.”What Landon casually defined as friendly was what Max more accurately described as molestation. Her hands had disappeared under the table, rubbing his leg or whatever she was doing, more times than she spent holding her damn cards. Landon’s indifference to the whole thing was entirely impossible to read. Was he enjoying the attention? Wouldn’t any man? Not that it was any of her business. Landon was just some guy that she’d let stay with her for a few days. The fact that he was good-looking was irrelevant. Trish could have him for all she cared as long as they kept the indecencies out of her house.“Well, don’t you worry about her. She’s a bit of a flirt when she’s drunk. I’m pretty sure she’d hit on a monkey.”“You just compared me to a monkey and you don’t want me to worry?”“You know what I mean.”“I’m sorry, I don’t.”“Don’t tell me that girls like that actually appeal to you.”“Jealous?”“Hardly,” Max shot back defensively. “I just pegged you for a man with higher standards that’s all.” She couldn’t really say why she’d chosen to share her opinion. No harm in giving the guy a little warning, right?“You’ve pegged me for a lot of things.”

“Looking up at Max he asked, “Do you recommend anything?” He kept his eyes low and to the table, trying but failing to keep his eyes open against the bright sun light.“You okay?” Max asked, watching as Landon struggled to meet her eyes.“I’m trying not to look at you,” he replied.“I’m sorry, what?”“I mean I’m trying not to hurt my eyes.”Max crossed her arms over her chest and raised a wicked brow. Landon shielded the sun with his hand and finally made eye contact with her. “That came out wrong,” he said apologetically. “It sure did,” she said with a chuckle.”

“Watching Joel sip his iced tea and listen to stories of my childhood, the ones my mom told at all of the family gatherings, I felt my heart warm. He’d been there too. And as she spoke in scattered memory he was probably filling in the small details that had been lost and forgotten in time by everyone else.”

“Without reply Joel made his way to follow Alex and the girls up to the lift. Swallowing a lump in my throat I grabbed my board and ran to catch up. I had a feeling that Joel was capable of turning even fun into work.”

“I was investing more and more of myself into an outcome I couldn’t predict and would very likely be disappointed by. But for me there was no other option.”

“I knew that she couldn’t hear me if she was there. But the sound was enough to grab me, to hold me to hope, and with desperation that I’d never known before I knew that I must find my way back to her.”

“The longer I looked into his eyes the more I felt that he was leading me down a road that I was determined not to follow.”

“His eyes darted over the surface of my face. Like a moth to a blaze he was hesitant, seeming to crave my warmth but not its inevitable burn. He explored me from a distance with his unspoken desire, with the fear that touching me would set him to flame. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to prove very much the opposite.”