Sherrilyn Kenyon

“And my mama drowned the dumb ones. I hear everything you’re saying. There’s a group of Buffys thinking we’re the bad guys. Ain’t my first rodeo, pup. It’s been happening so long, they were called Helsings long before your daddy was a gleam in your granddaddy’s eyes. Thank you, Hollywood and Stoker for that. Not like being undead didn’t suck before. They just made it worse for us by cluing the rest of the world in that we exist. Now every goth with a thirst for immortality is cruising for us, begging us to bite them, and turn them. Did I ever tell you about that time when–” – Sundown “Sundown! I–” – Andy“You need to check that tone, boy. Remember, I used to kill people for a living, and I ain’t been up long enough to have much tolerance right about now. Knock it down a notch before I forget that I’m supposed to actually like you.” – Sundown”

“There’s a human out there who is killing off Dark-Hunters, and someone needs to stop them.” – Andy“Well, that’s just plain rude.” – Sundown”

“Sundown…you don’t understand. It’s–” – Andy“I get it, kid. Case you haven’t noticed, Dark-Hunters are on almost as many menus as humans are. Having something trying to kill us is about normal. Now, why you more flustered than a preacher in a whorehouse?” – Sundown”

“Settle down, pup. I ain’t had my caffeine yet.” – Sundown”

“You have twenty-four hours, horseguy, to kill your betrayer any way you see fit and to take your revenge. Make them count. Oh, and know that you can’t let daylight touch you. If you do…Well, you don’t want to die without your soul. It’s highly unpleasant. Sometime in the next few days, a man named Acheron Parthenopaeus will find you and teach you everything you need to know about being a Dark-Hunter. If you’re smart, you’ll listen to him. Welcome to the madness.” – Artemis”

“They say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. In the case of William Jessup Brady, it’s been hand carved with a lever-action Henry rifle over his shoulder and a Smith & Wesson six-gun strapped to his hip.’ – Solace Walters”

“Xenon? What kind of name is that?” – Nick“The only kind I answer to.” – Xenon“Don’t eat the help, X. We need him.” – Caleb”

“(He glared at them while it rang and rang and rang. Grimacing at the delay, Nick glanced toward Kody.) “Do necromancers not have voice mail?” – Nick”

“Fine. You win. I quit. You two deal with this. I’m going home. Packing up all my personal items, and when you, Caleb, end up dead because the coach has your jockstrap or something else I didn’t steal but someone else did, don’t call me. I’m done and I’m going to hide in a bunker until all of this is over with.” – Nick“I hate you, Nick.” – Caleb“Feels mutual, Demon.” – Nick”

“Are you out of your collective minds? I swear I can’t leave you two alone for three seconds that you don’t go off and hurt yourselves. I expect stupid out of you, but you know better.” – Caleb“I tried to tell him that. He won’t listen to me. Tag. You’re it.” – Nekoda”

“No, Nick. The world has always been scary. You’ve just been lucky enough to be shielded from it. It’s the saddest part of childhood, really. When that shimmery veil is ripped away by something horrible and you’re left with the unvarnished truth. When the world no longer becomes safe and you see the ugly side of it. You, like most humans, fear us demons. But we’re not the worst predators out there. You know what we are. It’s the ones who lure you in with kindness or who attack from the back. Those are monsters far worse than us. All this time, you thought you know. We all do. But now you have seen.” – Caleb”

“You want something to drink?” – Nick“Human blood would be fabulous. But since I doubt you’re donating, let me suffer for a minute longer.” – Caleb”

“I just can’t, Nick, okay? Now, please give me a second to lie here in silence and bleed.” – Caleb”

“For the record, do I know anyone not a demon or a freak?” – Nick“Yes, you do. Not sure if Bubba and Mark go into the latter or not, though. I’m too tired to mentally categorize them. You figure it out, and I’ll go with your Dewey decimal.” – Caleb”

“Oh, no. We can’t have that. Where you going, Mr. Meanie-Pants? You don’t hurt people then run. That’s just rude. Can the Simi barbecue him, or is he on the ‘No Simi’ eat list?” – Simi”

“You want me to do what? What part of stupid crawled up your sphincter and died?” – Caleb”

“All right, the pendulum isn’t working. Sometimes you need an accelerant to help it.” – Death “Like gasoline?” – Nick“Yes, Nick. We’re going to set the book and your pendulum on fire and then use them ’cause we’re just that intelligent.” – Death”

“I’m so overwhelmed.” – Nick“Most of us are, Nick. Even though we look calm and peaceful on the outside, most of us are barely hanging on by our fingernails.” – Caleb”

“If I died –” – Nick“Your father would have another child. That one won’t have your humanity. Your mother is what makes you special, Nick. Adarian’s next woman wouldn’t be her. His child wouldn’t be you. All of us are a culmination of vital parts of our parents and their pasts. A vital part of the circumstances we were raised with. Everything that happens to us, good and bad, leaves a lasting impression on our souls. You take one part of that out, and you can completely rewrite something crucial about us. By and large, we’re not shaped by the big things. It’s the little, day-to-day moments that make us who we are. Who we’re going to be.” – Nekoda”

“I’ve been around a lot of wraiths, and he doesn’t feel like that either, though. It’s a strange sensation. Like human wrapped in evil.” – Caleb“Oh, great. Our coach is a pig-in-the-blanket for Satan.” – Nick”

“It’s never the enemy without who brings you down. It’s always the enemy within.” – Nick“Guard your back, Nick. It’s the one you don’t see coming. The one you trust whose betrayal is most lethal. They know your weakness and they know how to hit the lowest. It’s when your back is turned and your guard is down that they move in for the kill.” – Kyrian”

“Weird. I rang it three times.” – Nekoda“There might be something with out condo.” ‘Other than the fact that it lived under a perpetual dismal cloud and was infested with roaches the size of his fist. It was probably over a hellmouth, too, that didn’t allot for any kind of reception other than two cans joined by a length string.’ – Nick”

“You were first-string running back last year. What happened?” – Coach “Stone’s mouth happened. It needed to be closed, and I was a little too obliging to shut it.” – Nick”

“I don’t know. Word around the girls’ locker room is that all of you are so hard up, you were cruising the senior center, trying to find a prom date.” – Nick”

“Kid?” – Kyrian“I’m not worthy.” – Nick“What?” – Kyrian“Dude, that’s a Ferrari, Lamborghini, Bugatti, Alfa Romeo, Aston Martin, and Bentley. And I’m not talking the cheap models. Those are the top of the top of the top of the line, fully loaded. I swear, that’s real gold trim in the Bugatti. There’s more money in metal in here than my brain can even tabulate. Oh my God! I shouldn’t even be breathing the same air.” – Nick”

“He was the captain of the chess club and an A-plus student.” – Nick “Why would anyone think he’s a demon?” – Tate“The world is insane, and you’re asking me for the reasoning of a psycho? I’m not a profiler.” – Acheron”

“The kid dead on the ground. Fourteen, Ash. Fourteen. I’m fourteen.” – Nick “Yeah…” – Acheron“Ash, I’m fourteen.” – Nick“Got it. You’re fourteen. I’m so proud you can count that high. It’s a testament to the modern American educational system. But I should probably point out that you’re not the only one. I’m told you go a school with a whole class of – get this – kids who are fourteen.” – Acheron”

“You must be Pain in the Nick.” – Dev“Huh?” – Nick“Don’t wet your pets. Just a figure of speech. Your mom’s been talking about you all day, boy. You are her favorite topic.” – Dev“Well, I try hard not to be her favorite hemorrhoid.” – Nick”

“How old are you?” – Nick“That many zeros and you just get tired of counting.” – Caleb”

“Glad to see you’re still breathing.” – Caleb “Glad to be breathing.” – Nick”

“Now, if I could get Mark to put down his phone and stop taking breaks, we’d be able to finish up before Oprah comes on.” – Bubba“Bubba, what are you going to do when they cancel her show?” – Caleb“Shut your mouth, boy. That’s sacrilege in this store. You talk like that, and I’ll toss you through the window like an old-timey hobo in a Western.” – Bubba”

“So how are you feeling this morning?” – Nick“Like I got my ass kicked by a bunch of psycho demons.” – Caleb”

“Ninety percent of intelligence was knowing when to shut up.’ – Cherise”

“This is your pendulum map. It’ll answer any yes or no question you ask. All you have to do is focus your mind on the question and hover the pendulum over the page. In time, you’ll be able to ask more complicated questions and it’ll spell out the answers.” – Death “Duly awesome. Will I lose my vir–Hey!” – Nick “Stop being stupid and take this seriously.” – Death “What’s wrong with asking that, anyway?” – Nick “It’s a stupid concern.” – Death “What are you? Asexual or something?” – Nick“My libido is fine, Nick. However, it takes a distant second place to my need to kill people who annoy me.” – Death”

“In time, you won’t need it to do that. You’ll be able to access that part of yourself anytime you need to. But for now, you’ll require a tool to help you channel all that teenage hormonal ADD that’s bouncing around and through you.” – Death”

“Je suis ce que je suis.” – Death“Is that a spell?” – Nick“It’s French, Nick. Means ‘I am what I am.’ Sheez, kid. Get educated. Read a book. I promise you it’s not painful.” – Death “I would definitely argue that. Have you seen my summer reading list? It’s nothing but girl books about them getting body parts and girl things I don’t want to discuss in class with my female English teacher. Maybe in the boys’ locker room and maybe with a coach, but not with a woman teacher in front of other girls who already won’t go out with me. Or worse, they’re about how bad all of us men reek and how we need to be taken out and shot ‘cause we’re an affront to all social and natural orders. Again – thanks, Teach. Give the girls even more reason to kick us down when we talk to one. Not like it’s not hard enough to get up the nerve to ask one out. Can you say inappropriate content? And then they tell me my manga’s bad. Riiight…Is it too much to ask that we have one book, just one, on the required reading list that says, ‘Hey, girls. Guys are fun and we’re okay. Really. We’re not all mean psycho-killing, bloodsucking animals. Most of us are pretty darn decent, and if you’ll just give us a chance, you’ll find out we’re not so bad.’” – Nick”

“Fine. Let’s begin with something even you can’t screw up.” – Death“Way to build up my crappy confidence there. You should volunteer for the suicide hotline.” – Nick“What makes you think I don’t?” – Death”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be in pain, and I definitely don’t want to suffer.” – Nick“Well…The only way to avoid them is to die.” – Death“Okay, let’s change the topic now. Oh, look! A chicken.” – Nick”

“Let me get back to the fact that the universe speaks to us constantly. And this little puppy barks loudly. Guard this with your life because in the right hands, it is your life and your death. You’ve bled in this book, and it is the most personal of possessions you’ll ever have. A master wizard, witch, upper-level demon, or any number of other entities can use it to control or destroy you. In fact, guard every possession you have. Every stray hair. Every particle of skin and clothing. Let no one near anything you have ever owned or will own. You’re special, kid. In ways you can’t conceive, and you will have to guard your back every second you want to keep breathing.” – Death “Aren’t you just Mary Sunshine?” – Nick”

“So…that’s like your pet monkey?” – Nick(The tiny horse snorted flames and whinnied at him.)“Easy, girl. You’d do well to show her respect. She can understand you, and she doesn’t take well to insults.” – Death“Sorry, Flicka. Didn’t mean to rattle your bridle.” – Nick”

“Don’t you have any friends you could hand with?” – Nick “I do. But the problem is when I hang out with my friends, it usually gets ugly for the rest of you. Especially when we’re bored. Nothing entertains us more than plagues, famine, war, and bloody massacres.” – Death“You play D&D, too, huh? Who’s your DM?” – Nick “The difference between my group and yours…our toys are real.” – Death”

“Oh, goody.” – Nick “Did you say something?” – Mark“Uh, yeah. I said, ‘Oh, goody.’ As in I get to clean this mess up.” – Nick “I had that same reaction. I even tried to quit when I showed up this morning, but Bubba wouldn’t let me. Told me if I tried to leave, he’d shoot my butt full of buckshot. He’s the only SOB I know who’s crazy enough to actually do that. So here I am. Ticked off, but alive. It’s a good day.” – Mark”

“Look. (Mark held up his hands for Nick’s inspection.) They’re all pruny and wet. I’ll never have my soft sweet hands again.” – Mark “You’re not right, are you?” – Nick “I know this clown. He keeps teasing me with these near death experiences. One day, I’m going to take his butt down even when I’m not supposed to. You can’t keep knocking on my door and then slamming it in my face. It’s just not right.” – Death”

“Let me give you free advice, kid. Whenever something is coming for you, snap its neck or double tap. Never, ever hesitate. It’s infinitely better to be judged by twelve than carried by six.” – Death”

“What do you mean I have a predetermined death?” – Nick“Did I stutter?” – Death “No.” – Nick“Do I look like Webster’s?” – Death “No.” – Nick “Then you should understand what I said, since I didn’t speak in code. Every mortal creature is born with an expiration date. Some immortals, too. Set by the big clockmaker. But excessive stupidity and moronic tendencies can shorten it. Pissing me off is one really good way to cut yours down to three seconds from now.” – Death”

“You don’t mock my mother. You don’t speak of her in anything but the most reverent of tones. I don’t care if you are Death, I will open a can of Cajun whup-ass all over you, boy.” – Nick “Normally, I’d be hanging you the can opener and daring you to go for it. Be glad I owe a debt that precludes me from killing you right now. But don’t push it. While you have a predetermined death, your own free will decisions can override that. Put that in the bank and think about it before you try to make a withdrawal.” – Death”

“Who are you talking to?” – Morty“Still in the kitchen, aren’t I? Guess I need to keep walking. Oh, look! Yonder is the door, which I’m going to make use of right now.” – Nick”

“Beautiful. You can be taught. Makes my job so much easier when you’re actually intelligent. You’d be amazed at the idiots I’ve come across.” – Death “I try to keep my stupid to a bare minimum, since my mom’s always telling me it can be fatal in large doses.” – Nick“Oh, she’s right. Believe me, I know. For that matter, it can be fatal even in small measures. Remind me sometime to tell you about the woman I claimed who was vacuuming her cat.” – Death”

“What do you want from me?” – Nick“Normally, it’d be your life and your soul. Unfortunately, I can’t take either right now. Sucks to be me today.” – Death”

“You should try them, Nick. They’re delicious. No one makes cookies that taste like this.” – Kara‘Probably because arsenic was a key ingredient.’ “Have to watch my girlish figure. ‘Cause if I don’t, no one will.” – Nick”