Sherrilyn Kenyon

“I like that Zarek. He quality people! He even gave me a can opener so I don’t have to use my fangs. I like that. Metal is hard on the teeth. Pork and beans popsicle. Yummy! My favorite! (Simi)”

“So, you got QVC? (Simi)Afraid not, sweetie. (Astrid)You got Soap Net? (Zarek shook his head.) You got any TV? (Simi)Sorry. (Zarek)Are you kidding? You boring people. A demon needs her cable. Akri done tricked me. He didn’t tell me I’d have to go without cable. (Simi)”

“I have a flamthrower. (Zarek)You have a what? (Astrid)It pays to be prepared. (Zarek)Well. Those are nice for toasting marshmallows, but they’ll only make Thanatos mad. Regular fire won’t hurt him. I have this really neat gelatinous goo that comes out with my fire and it squirts my victims so that it don’t come off. Wanna see it? (Simi)No! (Zarek/Astrid)No? I don’t like that word. (Simi)We love you, Simi. We’re just scared of your goo. (Astrid)Oh, that I understand. Okay, you can live. (Simi)”

“Akri hides from no one. He don’t need to. Anyone hurt my akri, I eat them. (Simi)”

“Akri infallible. Well, except for a couple of things, and we don’t talk about those ‘cause it makes akri cranky. I like that word ‘infallible.’ It just like me. Infallible. (Simi)”

“Are you two having some sort of strange human thing that you can’t follow what I’m saying? (Simi)”

“What happened in his village that Artemis doesn’t want Zarek to know about? (Astrid)I don’t know. She’s all paranoid all the time anyway. Afraid akri is going to leave and not come back, which I keep telling him to do. But does he listen? No. ‘She’s not your concern, Simi. You don’t understand, Simi.’ I understand, all right. I understand the bitch-goddess needs the Simi to barbecue her until she learns to be nice to people. I think she’d be rather attractive on fire. I could make her look like that old sea hag or something. (Simi)”

“Why did Acheron tell you not to talk to Zarek? (Astrid)I don’t know. That redheaded bitch-goddess got all angry when he told me to come protect you. It went like this. (She flashed to Acheron’s form.) Protect Zarek and Astrid. Now. (She flashed to Artemis’s form.) No! You can’t let her go, she’ll tell Zarek everything. (Simi, looking like Artemis, put her hand against her cheek and whispered loudly to Astrid.) This the part where the redheaded goddess went on and on about what happened in Zarek’s village and akri got all upset at her. Don’t know why he won’t let me kill her and get it over with, but finally he say…(She flashed to Acheron’s form.) Simi, don’t speak to Zarek but make sure Thanatos doesn’t kill either one of them. (She flashed into her own form.) So I said okay and here I am not talking to Zarek. (Simi)Wow. She’s a camcorder, too. How convenient. (Zarek)”

“So you’re telling me that right now I’m responsible for Acheron’s beloved pet and the favorite sister of the Fates? (Zarek)Tell Fang-boy I’m not a pet. If he doesn’t take a nicer tone to me, he’s going to be really sorry. (Simi)”

“Simi, why did Acheron send you here? (Astrid)To protect you from Thanatos so that your sisters don’t get all freaky and destroy the world. Or something like that. I don’t know why all of you fear the end of the world. It’s not so bad, really. At least then akri’s mama be free. Then she wouldn’t be so cranky at the Simi all the time. (Simi)Ash’s mother is still alive? (Zarek)Oh, akri get mad whenever I tell that. Bad Simi. I not talk anymore. I need food. (Simi)”

“The Simi has needs. Lots of needs. I need akri’s plastic card, for one thing. It very nice. People give me lots of stuff when I hand it to them. Ooo, I really like the new plastic card he gave me with my own name on it. It blue and all sparkly and it says Simi Parthenopaeus. Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it? I have to say it again. Simi Parthenopaeus. I like that a lot. It even has my picture in the corner and I am a very attractive demon if I do say so myself. Akri says it, too. ‘Simi, you are beautiful.’ I like it when he tells me that. (Simi)”

“Is she okay? I mean, no offense, she sounds more mental than I do.”

“Look! You got sparklies like akri. He gives all of his to me. He say I look beautiful in sparklies, ‘specially them red ones that match my eyes. Here, Astrid. I know you can’t see it, Astrid, but it’s very lovely, like you. You need to wear that and then you have sparklies, too. But still no hornays. We need to fix you up with hornays one day so you can be a demon, too. It’s fun being a demon – except when people try to exercise you…Wait, that’s not the right word. I forget, but you know what I mean. (Simi)”

“I would like to barbecue those Olympian gods. They are very tasty. One day, I’m going to eat that redheaded goddess, too. (Simi)She doesn’t like Artemis. (Astrid)The Simi hates her, but akri says, ‘No, Simi, you can’t kill Artemis. Behave, Simi, don’t shoot fire at her, don’t make her bald, Simi.’ No, no, no. It’s all I hear. I don’t like that word. ‘No.’ It even sounds evil. The Simi tends to barbecue anyone dumb enough to say it to her. But not akri. He’s allowed to say no to me; I just don’t like it when he does. (Simi)”

“Why you in a dark hole, Astrid? Did you fall? (Simi)We’re hiding Simi. (Astrid)Hiding? From what? (Simi)Thanatos. (Astrid)Pfft. Why you hiding from that loser? He wouldn’t even make good barbecue. Barely take the edge off my peckishness. Hmmm…How come there’s no food here? (Simi)”

“No, Simi. No food. (Astrid)‘No, Simi. No food.’ You sound like akri. ‘Don’t eat that, Simi, you’ll cause an ecological disaster.’ What is an ecological disaster, that’s what I want to know? Akri says it’s me on hunger binge, but I don’t think that’s quite right, but that’s all he’ll say about it. (Simi)”

“What are you doing here, Simi? (Astrid)Feeling peckish. Is there any food? Something not too heavy. Maybe a cow or two? (Simi)”

“Because she’s Acheron companion. (Astrid)Ash has a companion? (Zarek)(The demon snorted. She stood up and whispered loudly in Astrid’s ear.)Dark-Hunters are cute, but very stupid. (Simi)”

“Tell him to leave me alone, Astrid. Else I’ll have to barbecue him and make akri angry at me. I don’t want to make akri angry. (Simi)Simi? Is that you? (Astrid)Yes. C’est moi. The little demon with hornays. (Simi)”

“You know–my flower, I am responsible for her. She doesn’t even have four thorns to protect herself from harm.’ (Zarek)Why do you love that book so? (Astrid)Because I want to hear the bells when I look up at the sky. I want to laugh, but I don’t know how. (Zarek)”

“I’m not a child. (Zarek)No, you’re not a child. You never were. Children are supposed to be protected and cared for. You had no one to hold you when you cried. No one ever soothed you. They never told you stories or made you laugh when you were sad. (Astrid)”

“I assure you, princess, if you saw the real me, you’d run for cover. (Zarek)Only if I knew you’d be waiting under that cover for me. (Astrid)”

“This was all just a game to you, wasn’t it, princess? ‘Come, Zarek, sit on my lap. Tell me why you won’t behave.’ (His vision turned dark. Deadly.) Fuck you, lady, and fuck them. (Zarek)”

“What are you? (Zarek)I’m a nymph. (Astrid)I hope you just left an important syllable off that word, princess. (Zarek)”

“You have no idea how to comfort anyone, do you? (Astrid)In case you haven’t noticed, princess, social skills aren’t my forte. Hell, you’re lucky I’m housebroke. (Zarek)”

“(Unsure if she should laugh or groan, Astrid held fast to the tank before her as Zarek pushed the snowmachine to the limits. It vibrated so badly that she half-expected it to disintegrate underneath them.) Cap’n, I don’t think she’ll hold. The warp engines can’t take any more. It’s going to blow apart. (Astrid)”

“Where are we going? (Astrid)Up Shit Creek sans the paddles. (Zarek)”

“My people have a legend of the Dayslayer. It says that Artemis chose one of our own to be her personal guard. More beloved than any of her people, the Dayslayer has no known vulnerability. Once he’s unleashed, his goal is destroy Dark-Hunters. (Spawn)So you’re telling me he’s the Bogeyman? (Zarek)”

“Since when do Daimons fight their own kind? (Zarek)I was never a Daimon, Roman. (Spawn)And I was never a fucking Roman. (Zarek)”

“Surprise, dickhead, Mama forgot to tell you a few things about me. (Zarek)”

“(Zarek slammed his combined fists down across Thanatos’s back.)If anyone has any suggestions on how to kill this guy, I’m open to it. (Zarek)I’m out of dynamite. You got any grenades? (Jess)Not on me. (Zarek)Say die, Dark-Hunter. (Thanatos)Fine. Die, why don’t you? (Zarek)”

“Dead or alive, the balls still hurt when kicked, huh? (Zarek)”

“What the matter, Zarek? You afraid to die? (Thanatos)Dying’s easy. It’s living that’s hard. (Zarek)”

“What’s going on? (Astrid)Not much. Some invincible asshole is trying to kill me. (Zarek)”

“Alone at last. Oh, the pleasure of the pain. (Zarek)You really do suffer from insanity, don’t you? (Thanatos)Hardly. I have to say I enjoy every minute of it. (Zarek)”

“Wait, wait, wait. Are you telling me they stick you out here where there are no Daimons and you don’t have a weak spot? What kind of shit is that? I live in Daimon Central with one hell of an Achilles’ heel that no one ever bothered to mention, and you live where there’s no danger to you and yet you don’t have one? What’s not fair with this picture? And then Ash asks me to come up here to save your ass and here we are dropping like flies while you’re Teflon. No, I have a problem with this. I love you, man, but dayam. This just ain’t right. I’m up here freezing my balls off, and you, you don’t need protection. Meanwhile I have a bull’s-eye on my arm that says, ‘Hey, Daimon on steroids, kill me right here.’ Do you realize, I put my keys in my mouth to pull out my wallet to pay for gas and they froze there? The last thing I want to do is die up here in this godforsaken place at the hands of some freaked-out something no one has ever heard of before except for Guido the Killer Squire from Jersey? I swear I want someone’s ass for this. (Jess)”

“Then who shot me? (Zarek)One of them idiot Squires. Hell if I know which one. They all kind of look alike when they’re not yours. (Jess)”

“Calm down? You shot me in the back, you son of a bitch. (Zarek)Boy, don’t you dare insult my mama, and you better stop and think about that one for a minute. I was a paid killer since I was old enough to hold a gun. Had I shot your dumb ass, you wouldn’t have a head right now. Having been shot in the back by a friend, I sure wouldn’t want to return that favor to anyone. Not even an ornery cuss like you. And why the hell would I hurt myself just to get to you anyway? Lord, boy, use your head. (Jess)”

“Ah, those were the days…The Dark-Hunters hunted us, we slaughtered them. We made our homes in underground catacombs and crypts where the Hunters couldn’t go without getting possessed. It was an interesting time to be Apollite or Daimon. But that was before we discovered civilization and modern conveniences. Before the human world developed enough to where we could exist at night under the pretense of being one of them. Apollites owning businesses and houses. Daimons playing Nintendo. What is this world coming to? (Thanatos)”

“I really hate Squires. (Syra)(She pulled another flat bolt out and loaded it, then shot it at Otto. Moving so fast he could hardly be seen, the Squire turned around and caught it without flinching. He held the bolt up to his nose and inhaled it lovingly.)Mmm. Rose. My favorite. (Otto)Perhaps we should leave you two alone. (Jess)Yeah, this does remind me a bit of the mating rites of the mean and the surly. (Allen)”

“We’ve come to kill Zarek of Moesia, and if you get in our way, little girl, we’re going to kill you. (Otto)I’ll be damned. He speaks. Or rather growls. (Jess)But not for long if he doesn’t watch his mouth. For the record, Squire, it would take more man than you to even scratch me. (Syra)I live for a woman who scratches. Just make sure you keep it on the back, baby. I don’t like scars. (Otto)”

“Well, Lord Debonair and Lady Lethal, if we can have a minute of your time, we do have a psycho to hunt. (Allen)(Jess glared over his shoulder at Allen, but before he could comment, Syra shot another bolt from her crossbow. Allen went flying and landed flat on his back in the snow. Syra walked over to him and stared down.)I don’t particularly like Squires and I really hate the Blood Rites. So save yourself some pain and don’t speak to me again. (Syra)”

“Tell me of a happy memory, Zarek. One thing in your life that was good. (Astrid)You. (Zarek)”

“You better, Artemis. Because if you don’t get him under control, the world is going to become the very thing that makes you wake up screaming at night. (Acheron)”

“You should have told them about him. (Artemis)Told them what, Artemis? Behave or the bitch-goddess will unleash her insane killer on you? (Acheron)”

“I don’t have to do nothing you say, you old heifer cow. And you are old. Really, really old. And a cow, too. (Simi)”

“So, can I eat the redheaded goddess now? (Simi)No, Simi. (Acheron)I want to eat her, akri, She a mean person. (Simi)Most gods are. (Acheron)No they’re not. Some, true, but I rather like the Atlanteans. They were very nice. Most of them. You never met Archon, did you? (Simi)No. (Acheron)Now, he could be mean. He was blond, like you, tall like you, well, taller than you, and good-looking like you, but not quite as good-looking as you. I don’t think anyone is as good-looking as you are. Not even them gods. You are definitely one of a kind when it comes to looks…Oh. Well, you’re not really one of a kind, are you? But you cuter than that other one. He a bad copy of you. He only wishes he was as cute as you are. Now where was I going with that? Oh, I remember now. Archon didn’t like a lot of people, unlike you. You know that thing you do whenever you get really, really mad? The one where you can blow stuff up and make it all fiery and chunky and messy and all? He could do that too only not with as much finesse as you. You got a lot of finesse, akri. More than most. But I digress, Archon liked me. He said, ‘Simi, you a quality demon.’ Have you ever seen a non-quality demon, though? That’s what I wanna know. (Simi)”

“Why are you so sad, akri? (Simi)I’m not sad, Simi. (Acheron)Yes you are. I know you, akri, you gots that pain in your heart like the Simi gets whenever she cries. (Simi)”

“Would like to join me? (Astrid)I think I’d look strange in a bikini. (Zarek)Was that a joke? Can it be you made a real joke? (Astrid)Yeah, I must be possessed or something. (Zarek)”

“You planning on getting in our way again when we take him down? (Justin)Boy, you better take that tone and flush it. I’m not a Squire you’re talking to; I happen to be one of the guys you answer to. It ain’t none of your damned business why I’m going. You just don’t move until I tell you to or I’m going to show you how I once made Wyatt Earp piss his drawers. (Jess)”