Stephanie Ericsson

“The guilt of moving on seeps into my life every time I do something I thought I couldn’t do without you. Every time I make a financial decision, I take over your job. Every time I fix the washing machine, choose a wallpaper without consulting you, I feel guilty. How dare I function without you! What could you have possibly meant to me if I can function without you? Much less, function well. Every so often I’m overwhelmed with the decisions. In those moments I hate you for leaving me. But I am stronger now, and I like being strong. And for this, I feel guilty. When can I stop proving that I loved you? When will I stop believing that loving you better might have saved you?”

“But the hole you left behind exists in every room, every chamber of my heart, every corner where we walked together. The hole is like a mirror into another mirror, giving endless form to the holes left in my life. I relive them all, simultaneously, and I have to go to bed for a day.”

“I've often mused over the idea that madness is actually a sane reaction to an insane world.”