Steve Carell

“I`m already seeing my daughter`s cynical sense of humor and she`s 6! I bought these shoes, and I`m thinking I`m a cool dad, I`m going to show her my new half-boot shoes. So I said, "What do you think of these?" And she`s like, "Mmm no, not liking them." (2007)”

“I don`t think of myself as funny- I don`t fill up a room with my humor...I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.”

“I think a character in a comedy should not know they`re in a comedy.”

“I have no idea where my pathetic nature comes from. If I thought about it too long, it would depress me.”

“Will I tell them? No, as a Doctor you wouldn't tell a patient if they were dying of cancer.”

“It is St Patrick's Day and here at Scranton, that is a huge deal... It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.”

“You all took a life here today. The life of the party.”

“I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious.”

“I hate hospitals, in my mind they are associated with sickness.”

“I have flaws, what are they? Oh, I don't know, I sing in the shower, sometimes I spend too much time volunteering, occasionally I'll hit someone with my car.”

“So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a big fish in a little pond. Where as back here in Scranton I'm still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss, the dog or the fish?”

“They say that when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. Well with Carol I knew within the first 24 minutes... of the second day that I met her.”

“These are not my shoes.”

“There are ten rules of business that you need to know... You have to play to win, but you need to win to play... I'll give you the other nine after lunch.”

“I'm an early bird and I'm an owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.”

“Joan Baxter (Lauren Graham): “You want to build a boat?”Evan Baxter: “It might be something fun for the family. Go sailing on the lake. I don’t know. [looking at his feet, under his breath] Be great in case it floods or something…”

“That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about.”

“He turned the gun sideways! That’s a kill shot!”

“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”

“I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it’s good for me, it’s the perfect way to start the day.”

“I am a crazy, rabid squirrel! I want my cookies!” — Hammy, the Squirrel”

“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.”

“The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and… I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do da cha-cha. I’m sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties.” — Evan Baxter”

“Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?”

“Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.” — Dan Burns”

“You may look around, and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”

“We stole the Statue of Liberty…! [the minions cheer] …the small one, from Las Vegas!”[the cheers stop] — as Gru”

“I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn’t cotton candy like the guy said… my tummy itches.”

“Is it true that if you don’t USE it you LOSE it?”

“It's not a master plan to do every remake and every recreation of icons. It's just what I've been hired to do.”

“It was kind of like they were just giving us a toy to play with, to do whatever we wanted with.”

“In my wildest dreams i never thought- well, I never thought I'd work”

“Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard.”

“Everyone said to Vincent van Gogh, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you.”