Tammara Webber

“Almost every time i saw you, you were with him. But one day, you walked up to the building alone. I was holding the door for several girls in front of you, and i waited for you to catch up. When you reached me, you look pleased, and a little surprised. Unlike the others, you didn't expect the door to be held for you by some random guy. You smiled up at me and said, 'Thank you.' That was the last straw. I prayed you 'd never come to a session, and not with him. I didn't want you to know i was the tutor.”

“I was sure you 'd dropped the class, which made me selfishly ecstatic. Without even knowing i was doing it, i started looking for you on campus.”

“He laughed, and the sound reduced the pain of every sore place on my body to the dullest ache.”

“Ah, crap. I forgot what my hands look like after drawing. You may have little gray marks...everywhere.”

“Elegir estar contigo no es una difícil decisión Jacqueline... Es fácil, increíblemente fácil.”

“You have a freckle here," he whispered, sweeping his tongue over a spot just under my jaw. "It drives me crazy every time you 're above me. I just want to do this..." The jentle draw of his mouth pushed me over the edge, and my knees tightened around his hips as i rocked against him.”

“I haven't tried this with anyone...signifacant in a long time. It's never worked before." "You haven't had sex before?" "I have. But not with anyone i cared about or...knew. One-time things. That's all." "That's all-ever?" "It's not like they 've been tons of them. There were more before, in high school, than there have been the last three years." "Lucas? I said yes, and i meant it. I want this-as long as you have protection, i mean. I want this, with you. So this is okay. Please don't ask me to say stop." "I want it to be better than okay. You deserve better than okay." "You 're shaking, Jacqueline. Do you want to-" "No." "I'm just a little cold." "Better?" "Yes." "You know you can say it. But i'm not asking you to, this time." "Good." His earlier hesitation gone, he removed the last scraps of fabric we were wearing, fixed the condom in place, kissed me fiercely and rocked into me.”

“Wow, that sounds total stalker." Or totally hot. God.”

“He was in a slow-motion mood-one of my favorites, though it meant i'd be driven crazy before we were done.”

“He stared down at me, and i examined his beautiful eyes up close, something i'd never tire of doing.”

“First, this is a great job, and i'm excited about it." "Second, i'm ambitious, but i can succeed almost everywhere." "What I can't do anywhere is be with you." "Choosing to be with you isn't a difficult decision, Jacqueline. It's easy. Incredibly easy.”

“I watched him pull his t-shirt over his head. I could put hin on replay doing that and watch it all day...”

“But why?" "You heard the pay, right? And also, to be near you." Thumbing a tear from my cheek, he added, "Mostly, to be near you.”

“He brushed my tears from my face. "How did I find you?" "Maybe I'm exactly where I should be after all.”

“As we lay in the semi-dark hours later, we faced each other, sharing his pillow. I'd never felt more connected to anyone.”

“Did that hurt? On your lip?" "Not too much. I said a few choice four-letter words, though.”

“I take it this is one of the ones crushing on you." "What? They all crush on me. I'm a hot college girl, remember?" I laughed and his eyes burned into mine. He leaned in close and whispered into my ear. "So hot. Now you've got me thinking what you looked like this morning, when i woke up with you in my arms, in my bed. Would it be too greedy to ask you to stay tonight, too?" "I was afraid you weren't going to ask.”

“Why don't you go get in bed?" I stood, laying my hand on his chest and staring up at him. "Is that a dare?" He laid one hand over mine and pull me closer with the other. Leaning down, he kissed me gently. "It absolutely is. No falling out of it allowed, though.”

“Stay here tonight, Jacqueline. I need to keep you here, at least tonight. Please.”

“The last time someone dried my hair for me was in sixth grade, when i broke my arm." "How did you break it?" "I fell out of a tree." "You fell out of a tree?" "I think there was a boy and a dare involved." "Ah.”

“I'm so proud of you. I want you to tell me about it, when you can... and when i can stand to hear it. I'm still too angry right now.." "Okay." "I knew i'd fucked up. I was getting on my bike, coming after you-and then you were running up the driveway. When he tackled you...i wanted to kill him. I think if Charles hadn't stopped me, i would have killed him.”

“His blood? From his nose?" I nodded, disgusted. "Good girl." His arms slid around me again. "God, you 're so fucking amazing.”

“Please touch me. I need you to touch me." I didn't have to ask twice. His arms came around me, pulling me onto his lap and cradling me against his chest. "His blood? From his nose?" I nodded, disgusted. "Good girl." His arms slid around me again. "God, you 're so fucking amazing." "I want it off. I want it off." "Yes. Soon." His fingers moved gently over my face. "I'm so sorry, Jacqueline. Jesus Christ, i can't believe i sent you out the door like that. Please forgive me." As he caressed me, i turned my head under his chin, folding into him as small as i could get. "I'm sorry for looking her up. I didn't know-" "Shh, baby...not now. Just let me hold you." He pulled me tighter still after grabbing his jacket from the grass nearby and draping it over me, and we stopped speaking.”

“It's not that i don't want you. I lied, earlier, when i said i was protecting you. I'm protecting myself. I don't want to be your rebound, Jacqueline." "Then why are you assuming that role? It's not what i want, either." "What am i gonna do with you?" "I can think of a couple things.”

“I breathed him in, closing my mouth tight and inhaling the scent of him through my nose. I felt sheltered by him. Safe.”

“Now don't laugh 'cause I just might be...the soft curve in your hardline. (from the song "Hardliners" by Holcombe Waller)”

“Woman, if i was straight, i would steal you from him so hard.”

“My last coherent thought, as Lucas took his time kissing and touching every part of me he could reach and my body arched into his, was: oh... so this is what all the fuss is about.”

“Landon Loucas Maxfield was asleep on his sofa. With me.”

“Not. Your. Fault."I nodded again, holding onto his words like they were redemption.”

“I'm not blaming you-or her. Neither of you asked for what he did-there's no such thing as asking for it. That's a fucking lie argued by psychopaths and dumbasses. Okay?”

“Let's go make Chaz wish he was never born." "Oh, Erin. I'm so glad you 're on my side." "Damn right, bitch.”

“I thought about texting Lucas, but what would i say? That i'd tossed and turned all night, thinking of his hands on me?”

“LUCAS: I've done a couple from memory but they aren't the same. Can't quite get the shape of your jaw. The line of your neck. And your lips. I need to spend more time staring at them and less time tasting them.ME: I can't say i agree with that notion.LUCAS: More of both, then.”

“I kept my eyes open on the ride home. Peeking over Lucas's shoulder, i watched the scenery fly by-and it was exhilarating, not frightening. I trusted him. I had since that first night, when i let him drive me home.”

“Wait." "Stop?" I bit my lip and nodded. "Stop everything, or just go no further?" "Just...just no further." "Done." He gathered me into his arms and kissed me, one hand tangled in my hair and the other one caressing down my back, our hearts pulsing out a cadence that the musician in me translated into a concert of lust.”

“Say stop, whenever you want to stop. Understand?" I nodded. "Do you want to stop now?" My head moved back and forth to the pillow. "Thank God.”

“What will you do with them?" "Redo them in charcoal, probably." "And then?" "Tack them to my bedroom wall." Bedroom wall? "Who wouldn't want to wake up to this?”

“You're so beautiful.”

“I want to see your tattoos." "You do, huh?”

“ME: You 're a sick girl.ERIN: Guilty as charged. :)”

“Erin you' re dangerous." "Iknow.”

“How did you know??? I'm Erin. I know all. ;)”

“Ooh, J, he's got ink too." "Just when i didn't think he could get any hotter...”

“Rather than raising his voice like everyone else, he leaned close to my ear and asked, "Dance with me?" I felt his warm breath and inhale the scent of his aftershave -something basic and male.”

“Chivalry isn't really dead you know." "Oh?" "Nah. That guy's just an asshole.”

“Jackie?""It wasn't your fault.”

“Your father is Dr. Lucas--one of the foremost minds in modern economics--and you're studying art? What the hell are you going to do with a degree in art?"She drew herself up to all five foot two, eyes flashing, and said, "I'm going to make the world more beautiful. What are you going to do? Make money?”

“I want it to be better than okay. You deserve better than okay.”

“I shrugged. “I guess that guys who’d never do something like that have a hard time believing some other guy would,” I said, but I could see her point. Awareness and apologies were fine and good, but they could come too late.”