Tim Fitzhigham
Tim FitzHigham FRSA FRGS, is an award-winning British comedian, author, and world record holder. The feats he has performed include paddling a paper boat down 160 miles of the River Thames, rowing a bathtub across the English Channel, and inflating the world's largest balloon.
He wrote about the experience of rowing a bathtub across the English Channel in his first book, In The Bath, later retitled All At Sea. In honour of the event, Thomas Crapper and Co. Ltd made a special lavatory named after him, 'The Fitzhigham'. It is only the second commemorative lavatory in history, the other being made for Queen Victoria's jubilee.
Other than his records, FitzHigham has been kindly recognised in various ways, titles and honours. These include being a Freeman of the City of London, Freeman of the Company of Watermen and Lightermen of the River Thames, Fellow of the Royal Society for the Arts, Fellow of the Royal Geographical Society, the Commodore of Sudbury Quay, Pittancer of Selby Town and Most Puissant Knight de Santa Maria.
“I phoned the Admiral back.'It's no use, Admiral, the French speak nothing but French.'There was a short pause on the end of the line then his voice rattled into life like a sabre.'They're lying, Tim!''What?''The French Navy must by law speak English, as English is the international maritime language of the sea.''Has anyone told the French that?'The line went dead for a moment before he thundered, 'Yes Nelson. At the battle of Trafalgar.'I tried to stifle an irresistibly British giggle not knowing if the Admiral was making a joke or not. I got it right. He was serious.”
“In a French accent developed through a lifetime of using English I said, 'Hello sir, I would like to row the English Channel in a bath please.'What actually arrived in the ear of the French Navy man was, 'Hello sire, I would like to fight a condom across a bath if you please.”
“There's no Coastguard in France. They let the French Navy do it. They have to give them something to do. It's not good for national pride to have to disband it so they turned it into a Coastguard. I think it does a few other bits and bobs too.”
“Bonjour, the Embassy of France''Ah, bonjour, excuse me for asking but where is the French Coastguard?''At the coast. Guarding.”