T.J. Klune

“He stared up at me, and even as the house fell apart around us, even as drops of fire rained down from the sky, his hand raised and brushed a lock of hair out of my face, and I felt his stomach rise as he breathed in deeply.“You,” he whispered. “You’re a boy?” His hands cupped my face, and a tear streaked down my cheek onto his fingers. “I dreamt of you but… but I never thought…”

“This next is my grandest sorrow, this grief I brought my own to carry, the weight of which threatened to crush all I had.It’s followed, fittingly enough, by him. While I was at my darkest, he came for me.”

“I wonder now, with everything said and done, if things would have been different had I remembered what the Tree had told me. Would I have made the same decisions, the same mistakes? Where would I be, had I remembered? Had I listened? I have learned in my short time here on this world that we as humans are all capable of a great many things, our minds able to process so much. Too much, really. But our greatest curse, our greatest folly, if you will, is our ability of hindsight.Of regret.Oh, Seven. How I wish I would have known.”

“It’s funny, really: the older you get, the more you know about the world. The synapses in your brain fire at a higher level and quicker function, your knowledge expands. But you lose part of yourself, that part able to imagine great armies that wait for nothing more than your command; the dragon that hides under your bed that only you can see, its long emerald tail flashing in the darkness; the ghost that lives in your attic that only moans at 3:23 in the morning. When you lose that innocence, the world’s hues become dark and muted, and you know that dragons aren’t real. There is no army. There is no ghost in the attic. But when you’re nine? When you’re nine, it’s all probable, it’s all realistic, and even more so, it’s all true.”

“The world is on fire, I thought wildly. See it burn and oh, my God, it burns for us.”

“It’s not like I tease people with the things I’m doing,” the Kid continues. He deepens his voice. “Coming soon, I may or may not go outside. What will I choose? Find out… in another month.”

“Why is everyone being all quiet?" the Kid asks. "Are we having a staring contest? If so, you should have told me because I wasn't quite ready yet.”

“I sit up straighter and puff out my chest a little bit, unsure why I'm doing so even as I do it. I know when I speak I'll have dropped my voice an octave to make myself seem more manly, and when I shake he hand, my grip will be tight and strong. Stupid, I know, but I'm a guy. It's what we do.”

“I watched the black ocean in his eyes and saw this flash behind them and understood what he had meant the night before, about the insanity that had gripped him. He was not so far gone as to be lost, but he was close, and I knew it had come from me turning my back on him as I had started to flee. Whether I wanted to or not, I anchored him to this world, and I was the only thing he'd known, maybe for his whole life. He had watched me, yes, he had stalked me, oh yes, but it had driven him to the edge. I inhaled sharply at the wildness I saw in him, the despair that was threatening to rise.”

“Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice.”

“You want to know what it feels like to be castrated? Try having your nine-year-old brother protect you from your ex-girlfriend after you've told her you're in love with a man.”

“Nothing's too fast if it means forever.”

“... it's not about where you come from. It's about who you are”

“There's nothing like being admonished by a nine-year-old ecoterrorist in training.”

“Wait till it’s my turn to tell the story! They’ll be like ‘Bear who?”

“Yeah, ’cause you were so quick to speak up earlier? it mocks. What’s that one guy’s name again? The one who is your heart and soul? Octavius? Othello? Bah. I can’t be bothered to remember, either. How interesting, your hypocrisy.”

“Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?”

“Because you’re worried, Bear. And it makes me nervous. You know when you worry, I worry. It’s just something we do.”

“Otter pulls me up to the bar and leans over. “What’s wrong? You stink!” he shouts. I glare at him. “I smell fine, you asshole. I used your cologne.” He rolls his eyes and comes closer, his lips against my ear. I shiver. “I said, what do you want to drink?”

“I think you are seriously overestimating my dancing abilities. My kind of dancing usually ends up on the Internet, where people watch it so they can stop feeling sorry about their own lives. You know how people say they have two left feet? It's like I have no feet and my stumps are attached to wheels shaped like triangles.”

“Wait until you meet the therapist. That bad?Let's just say i can't believe he's a real person.Like Santa Claus?More like if Santa Claus and Ron Jeremy had a child and then that child had a child with Richard Simmons.So, like a leprechaun?Yes, Otter, exactly like a leprechaun.I'm going to tell him I believe in Santa Claus, just to see what happens.I dare you.”

“Round 5: Telling him I felt bad about the puppy-shirt thing, I told him we could go pick out a dog at the pound now that we had a yard for it. Instead, I took him to the dentist. Winner: Bear “Rock Star” McKenna.”

“You can’t tell a little kid that you swear to God over something and then not do it. You may effectively ruin my childhood.” He looks off into nothing, a wistful expression on his face. “Gosh, think of the therapy bills. Not to mention how I’ll probably never be able to have a normal relationship when I’m an adult. I’ll live with you forever and become a cat lady.” I cock an eyebrow at him. “You hate cats.” He rolls his eyes. “Well, yeah, now I do. But I won’t have a choice. It’ll be inevitable. And I’ll probably have to throw birthday parties for my feline companions where I bake them cakes out of Fancy Feast. All because you went back on your God swear.”

“A travesty of epic proportions,” Tock agreed. “How much you wanna bet they couldn’t even turn the computer on?”

“Then it was just the two of us. Me and Captain Hetero of the Straight Brigade.”

“More Latin?” I was going to need a fucking guidebook to keep track of a language I thought was as dead as my mother.”

“I’ll never understand why people just won’t let others be who they are. It’s not like it’s affecting them in any way”

“Otter! Otter! Otter!Don’t lead cows to slaughter!I love you, and I knowI should’ve told you soon-aBut you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna!”

“I can’t help it: I laugh.I don’t mean too, it just kinda comes out on its own. I smoosh my hands against my mouth to block the sound, but this causes me to snort, and snot comes out of my nose. I try to cover it up and jerk my left hand up, but it bounces off my nose and I poke myself in the eye. My eyes water as I hiss and knuckle my eyeball, but I’ve still got snot on my hand and gets all up in there, making it burn even more. Ow. I want to turn and run, but I’m temporarily blinded by my own devices and I know, I just know, that this big kid is probably some popular jock and I am forever going to be stuck with the nick-name Booger Eye Snot Face. I ask God quietly if he wouldn’t mind opening the ground beneath my feet and allow me to fall down a chasm to save me from myself. The ground doesn’t open. I’m still laughing, but it’s that high-pitched thing I do when I find something really funny. I hate that laugh. It always sounds like a clan of female hyenas all going into labor at the same time. Yip! Yip! Ayyyyyyyy! Yip! Yip! Ayyyyyyyy”

“But Bear said I shouldn’t talk to strangers because they would be scared of me. I always thought I was supposed to be afraid of them, but Bear said I would just end up talking them to death and that any nefarious purpose they might have had would become moot. When Bear McKenna accuses you of talking too much, you know you have a problem”

“I know that," the Kid says smartly. "Some people are just not meant to be together. But that doesn't mean you can't love them.”

“Bear!” hecried into my ear. “What‟s going to happen to me? Oh, Bear, I‟m just a littleguy! I‟m not big like you! What‟s going to happen to me?”

“He tethered me to him, my magnetic north, while my mind went here or there. I always knew. Somehow I always knew.”

“Otter says nothing and as I turn to look at him, he’s watching me, that gold-green shining with that regard that always leaves me breathless. I don’t know what he’s thinking right now. I don’t think I want to know. Are you sure? the voice in my head asks. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to know?]”

“He gave me a lot, but it would have never been enough.” He looks thoughtful as he gazes back down at me. “It would never have been enough,” he tells me,” because it would never have been you”

“I thought the whole point of having a gay brother was that they were supposed to be all cool and shit. I’ve got a defective gay.”

“I’ve never told anyone this, but anytime that I’ve felt sad or alone or angry or upset, I would pray to God to just make you come back. That I would do anything He wanted me to do if only you would walk through my door. You were the only thing that made me feel safe when the earthquakes threatened to break me. I needed you to come home because when you’re not here, I don’t have a home.”

“You were the only thing that made me feel safe when the earthquakes threatened to break me. I needed you here because when you're not here, I don't have a home.”

“The fight for you was all I've ever known.”

“Don’t even try to figure out where that came from. I assure you the logic chain in Bear’s head makes sense if you actually know him (and by ‘makes sense’ I mean in a Bear way), but for a newbie like you, it’ll probably just break your mind”

“Normal Seven went to Heaven where he immediately tripped and fell! God said, ‘Gee you’re too Normal for me’ and sent him straight to hell!”

“You should have just gone with the crazy guy in the bar, the voice said. No shit. Any ideas? Yeah: don’t die. Thanks.”

“Because I can tell. He looks like your type too.” “Is he hot?” “I wouldn’t fuck him,” Jase confided. “Well, at least we know he doesn’t have boobs, then.”

“If I’d known having a gay best friend meant I had to go to clubs with names like Liquid and Bulge and Cockhole, I would’ve had second thoughts about this whole thing.” “Liar. I get you more play than you would ever get on your own. Women just love you for having a gay best friend. It makes them think you’re sensitive. And there’s no bar called Cockhole. I would know if there was.”

“Felix,” he whispered. “Oh, little man. Oh, Felix. That fire… the fire isbeautiful.”