Tonny Brown
I grew up Midland Texas, which is also the city of my birth. I am the youngest of four boys that were born to Curtis and Ruby Brown. After me, in 1969,
My Mother gave birth to her last child and only daughter, Katrina; and then she died of cancer 6 years later. My memories of her are fragmented and incomplete. When I think of her these days, it is always with sadness. I don’t know why. And I won’t dwell too long upon it in this writing.
My Father raised us alone through the 70’s and 80’s and if I said, it was hard, I would be telling either half a lie or half of the truth. So I’ll say it was more than hard, Curtis never seemed to catch the breaks that life sometimes tosses those it sees in need. Those days too, are remembered with a bit of sadness.
My brothers, our sister and I only had one another to depend on. We only trusted each other. That is why we are so close today, all these years later. That’s why we did Treasure Hunters together, That why we are doing this together. My Father used to tell us to, “Love hard whilst you can cause most people never get the chance, you’ll know when you do cause you won’t never stop, no matter what…that’s what loving hard is”. I have always loved my brothers and my sister hard. I am married now and have been for 15 years. I love my wife hard too, but she don’t seem to think so…she only sees the way I am with my brothers and my sister. In the last 5 years or so, I have lost in death many, many people that I cared about.
My grandmother, several aunts, my Ain’ daut (she was my grandfathers sister) and others. Now my Father is 80 years old come Sept 6, 2008. He’s married again to a very nice woman and for that, I am glad. He seems to be relatively healthy for 80 but I still worry a lot. I wanted to do something for him that he could see in his lifetime. I wanted to make him proud of me and I wanted him to know that I heard him all those years ago…I loved hard. So I write and I tell the stories of Jack and Sidney and I hope that the people that read these will find their own stories in among them.
I may never know , but I hope I have made some difference for the better in some of their lives if only for a moment. But then again that is the way that life is lived; from one moment to the next.
“How can I bribe my tongue to speak as truth the things my heart so contradicts. Attach to me then your strings and pull and I shall dance and be your puppet…for a time”
“God gave us a heart because it often sees what the eyes cannot see and the mind cannot understand.”
“I wish the rose was as beautiful as the woman who gives it as a gift...but to say so would be to lie. But I will accept the lesser if it pleases the greater of the two...and I say, THANK YOU”
“Great men were always average men, that summoned the courage, honor and will to do extraordinary things that would change the world. A feat of natural determination born of a perceived need. These men and women speak for each of us for all time, and their lives and deaths we watch come and go because it is so much easier to play Voyeur than Hero.”
“how do you love? With everything thy heart holds will kindness find its abode in you, with you? Feel the senses that the touch of another brings, behold thy jumping heart when lips part and you enter into loves sweet suffering. Take hold, make thy grip tight for I also know of losing.”
“If a man fights with truth, in time, he will be victorious. If he fights with lies, after he is exposed; in time, he will be left alone.”
“My poetry lives in the spaces of time, in between time, in time out. It is not a constant vibe; I catch it like the incoming tide, going out again. It will not let me say what I want to say for words cannot be woven together to express me that way. My words have learned to be patient for nothing. Now is my time out.”
“My Prayer? Oh' Lord give me the mind of a warrior that has been taught to fear your name, The soul of a prophet with the tongue and courage to speak truth though I be surrounded by those that despise it and the heart of a boy that believes he can slay a giant”