Tony Rattigan

“She was the kind of woman that makes a man go, 'Ah yes! Now I remember why I'm a man.”

“It's been so long since I had sex, I can't remember who gets tied up, anymore.”

“There’s no such thing as a noble death, Cobb ... there’s just death.”

“Jim said, ‘For your information I faked all my orgasms!”

“She was one of those women that makes any red blooded male look at her and go, ‘Ah yes … now I remember why I’m a man.”

“He wasn’t really a spy; he just helped them out when they were busy.”

“Oh for love of the Gods, thought Jim. The last thing I need right now is philosophical discussion with a madman, on a snowy roof, about the merits of capitalism.”

“Oh dear thought Cobb. Never mind Father Yule, he sounds more like Ebenezer Scrimge from Charles Pickens’ book “A Yuletide Song”.”

“What you must realise Cobb, is that sometimes the answer to a question is actually irrelevant; it is the search for that answer that is important. To quest and to strive for knowledge brings its own growth and understanding.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you were together.’‘Why, do I look like an organ grinder?’ said Cobb.”

“Harlequin groaned. ‘Cobb, you’ve got to get me out of here, it’s cold and damp, there’s rats, the food is terrible, they keep interrogating me … and I’ve been wearing the same underpants for six weeks!”

“Never eat at a restaurant that has a handbrake.Never buy food from any place that won’t be there next morning.”

“Rufus Cobb was having one of those days. You know … one of those days. You know the ones, the sort of day where you just want to go home and be cruel to a small animal.”

“Oh yes that’s right, you’re man of principle aren’t you?’ Jim said, somewhat tetchily. ‘Made of unbending rock with no room for compromise. Heart of oak, nerves of steel, a will of iron … and a knob of butter.”

“And then there were her eyes. Two grey gimlets. They had a gaze that could strip wallpaper. They made you think that she could look deeply into your eyes and read the manufacturer’s label on the inside of your skull.”

“Look,’ said Cobb, ‘I live in the city. The only wildlife I ever get to see is rats. If I want to catch a rabbit I go to the butchers!”

“So while you may be reading this sitting comfortably in your semi-detached in Cricklewood, a hundred Universes over, Captain Lars Felder of the Hyperion Space Command is manoeuvring his Nimwad attack fighter into the final strike position for an attack on a Zykon Death Cruiser. And fifteen Universes over from that, Ug is still trying to figure out how to make that bright yellow stuff that hurts when you put your hand in it but makes you feel so warm and comfortable when you sit next to it on cold nights.”

“Do you ever have Deja Vu?’‘I could ask in the kitchen, see if they've got any in.”

“That’s the trouble these days, too much Sax and Violins in the theatre.”

“Don't you wish you could do what birds do?''What ... make custard?''No, fly south for the winter.”

“Your mother dresses you funny!”