Trey Parker

“Kyle, every boy pays for kisses. Do you know what I am saying? If you've got a girl, and she kisses you, sooner or later you're paying for it. You've gotta take her out to lunch, take her to a movie, and then spend time listenin' to all her stupid problems. Look, look at Stan right there. [Kyle turns to see Stan, who's listening to Wendy over at the merry-go-round] Why he's gotta sit there and listen to her stupid motherfuckin' problems 'cause she kisses him. If you ask me, that's a lot more than the five dollars my company charges.”

“I have maggots in my scrotum.”

“Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won't let me enter certain areas.Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans?Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the UN's collective mind. I'm sorry, but the UN must be firm with you. Let me in, or else.Kim Jong Il: Or else what?Hans Blix: Or else we will be very angry with you... and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.”

“I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the markWhen he made Pearl Harbor. I miss you more than that movie missed the pointAnd that's an awful lot, girl. And now, now you've gone awayAnd all I'm trying to say, is: Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting schoolHe was terrible in that film. I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger partHe's way better than Ben Affleck. And now, all I can think about is your smileand that shitty movie, too. Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? I guess Pearl Harbor suckedjust a little bit more than I miss you.”

“Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved,it would be much simpler, but much less magical”

“The basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself. What we think, the external objects we perceive, are all like actors that come on and off stage. But our consciousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.”

“Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.”

“The most punk-rock thing you can do in L.A. is to say ‘George Bush is fucking awesome’ instead of talking about how lame it is that he’s fighting for oil.”